How many of you mothers young or older has ever felt like you was in a competition with your parents and or (family) about your child or children.

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2013

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I never once let my mil push me around because I would then become her prey and it would be a life long battle. I always stood my ground with her but never was rude or confrontational with her while maintaining my position. I was honest and direct about why we choose to not have her as involved in our life as she would like to be and explained her changing her behavior was the only way for her to become more involved. She used to do things on purpose such as come over uninvited constantly and I would tell her sorry but we were just leaving . She would also bring my step daughter over on days that she knew my daughter was with my dad ( my dad is the one person hubby and I trust with our kid and he takes her about once a month for part of the day). She knows me and hubby never get a chance to be alone and we cherish our few hours a month to reconnect so she would just show up with my step daughter to upset me and to try and " win" in her mind. My husband got really upset last time she pulled that and told her she had to leave. She then started crying and saying how could you kick your daughter out of your house and that he loved our daughter more then my step daughter. She called his dad and manipulated the situation as if we didnt want his daughter around. I stopped calling her and letting her in on the day to day activities for these reasons. She asked me why I don't call as often and I was honest with her and told her that the things she does is not ok and until she can learn how to respect my boundaries that we will not have a close relationship. I hate having to be this way with her but it's either I stay strong or let her drive me to the nut house.

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[deleted account]

Thank you wonderful mothers for the encouraging stories and advice's. Each of the statements I've read relates to my lifestyle. I wish you all the best parenting and beginners. I hope you all found the solutions to your problems as well. I think now that i listened to you all stories i have found the solutions to mines as well you all are good parents and good people. A lot of the stories on this website has touched my heart. I followed my heart and finally opened up to my parents about what the situation is.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/23/2013

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I was also thinking ... Maybe your parents behavior is a reaction of their own insecurities. I know personally that I will be totally at ease with my daughters becoming moms one day because I feel I have taught them how to be a good mon from leading my example. Maybe your parents are actually feeling that they wernt the best parents in the world so they now regret it and worry that they didn't teach you how to parent. This is still unfair of them but maybe if you can figure out why they act like this then you'll be able to find a solution.

Melinda - posted on 07/22/2013

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Constantly, but we must respect me as our mothers. (Being sarcastic) its so aggravating as adult at 30. We have no say in their bad choices but they have all the say in ours. Whether its out of concern or not there seems to be no balance

Unique - posted on 07/22/2013

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with my grandparents always trying to tel mehow to raise my daughter when it begins to be to much i just leave there house and go home or i just get off the phone with them

Ann - posted on 07/22/2013

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I'm always in a constant debate with my mom because she wants me to raise my kids how she raised us and is always comparing how I'm doing things to how she did with us. It's a constant battle, yet my MIL hasn't said a word and always comments on how well-behaved (usually) my kids are and how well they interact with others like family and friends and that i'm a great mom to my kids. My MIL said it's because my mom wants to try and take over raising my kids by slowly pushing herself into a "mother-like" figure. Yes she's their grandmother but she has no right of authority on how someone should raise there own kids or that your doing it "wrong".

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2013

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Honestly I don't know if there is a way to do it without hurting their feelings. If simply telling them that you need them to stop interfering so much and just be exactly what they are as grandparents instead of parents doesn't work then you'll have to lay down some rules and move out. You will need to monitor their visitations and limit them until or if they ever decide to respect their roles as grandparents . It sounds tough im sure but you need to think about What is best for your child which is not having your parents undermining your parenting. This will only cause confusion for your kid and lots of struggles for you. You don't want your child running to her grandparents if you tell her no about something and them telling her yes bc she will notice how they treat you and start having the attitude that you don't make the rules but they do

[deleted account]

I can relate to so many of these stories. What would be your best advice's to put a end to my situation. How do i tell my parent's the truth without hurting them both? It's causing me to suffer on the inside.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2013

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As a second thought I wanted to add that my mil has told me that she looked into when a child is old enough to decide where they want to live ( she said 12 years old) and plans on taking custody of my step daughter. I'm afraid she tries poisoning my step daughters mind against her mom so she will say she wants to live with her. I've personally heard her say comments such as " your mommy doesn't play with you enough and I always do" and " your mommy shouldn't make you go to bed early and I wouldn't if you lived with me". I won't and will never let mt daughter with her alone for the fear of her trying the same bullshit ( excuse my language). This is an extreme case here but it could be what your in for If you don't put your foot down

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2013

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I have a very controlling mother in law who tries to throw her weight around when it concerns to making decisions for the kids. I refuse to buy into the nonsense and tell her as polite as possible that im the mum and I'll decide what's best for my kids. Now on the other hand , my husbands 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship is totally in her control. Her mum let her boss her around and put up with it. My mil would do little things such as give her a binkey after mom tried taking it, enrolled her in the preschool of her choice without consulting mom, and tell other people that her mom doesn't make the rules but she does. She still acts as If the child is hers and does things just to "prove" she has control. My mil tried telling me she's taking my daughter to Florida without me for 2 weeks and I just laughed and said that will never happen. She tries to compete with me but I refuse to play her game so there's not much she can do. My step daughters mom goes through hell still with my MIL and you should just put an end to this now bc the longer you let it go on the harder it will be to stop the power struggle. She even goes as far as telling her who is and isn't allowed to watch my step daughter. She will tell my husband lies saying that my step daughters grandma ( her moms mom) is on drugs and neglects his kid when she watches her. She does this so my husband will not allow his daughter at her other grams house. It seems she wants to totally eliminate my stepdaughters mom from the picture so she can make the rules and it's kind of creepy how obsessed she is with having the upper hand. I feel she did a shit job as a mother and now is trying to take control of someone else's kid to have a second chance

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/19/2013

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Hate to say the most obvious thing, move out. And hold on, you said your daughter is 11? And then you said you are 21?? So....you had her when you were 10 huh?

[deleted account]

This is exactly how i see it happening. I'm living in their household and i respect both my parent's. When i have problems i can barely turn to my parent's and family because of there lack of attention and support. Honestly i talk to my boyfriend and his family the most because i can barely turn to my own parent's and family. But i feel as if they are always trying to control my life and my daughter life. I'm 21 years old and i shouldn't have to take charge of a outstanding situation towards. My relationships with my parents is poor.

Jodi - posted on 07/18/2013

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Why would I allow it to become a competition? It's only a competition if you are competing in it......If you choose not to engage, no competition.

Deanna - posted on 07/18/2013

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My Mom told my daughter 11 that if she didn't like it at home she could move in with her! I was so mad

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