How many older siblings have been there for the birth and how did it go?

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my second child and my 5 year old son has been very involved and is VERY excited to be a big brother. :) We've discussed the process and anatomy and watched animations and videos of births, as well as realistic explanations that are still at a level of his understanding (ex. Mommy's crotch has a hole for the baby to come out of the tummy, the baby is ready to come out when the water bubble pops, the cord is connected to a bag called the placenta that helps air and food and blood get to the baby, when you cut the cord it might bleed a little but it doesn't hurt Mommy or baby, etc.).

He wants to be there for the birth and understands that it is very special but he doesn't HAVE to be there. Actually he saw cutting the cord, asked about it and wants to participate in that as well. I'm going to talk with my midwife about all of this as well, but I'm wondering how many of you have had an older sibling participate in the birth process and how it went?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/30/2013

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LOL, well hate to say it, but you are posting on an open forum where anyone can reply. The decline in RIC is not about popularity of it declining, but more of the health hazards involved. Don't take it personally, I am surprised because you seem so in tune with so much, it is a shock that you would consider such a risk.

I hope you hear from other mothers that have young children and can share their experiences with you. I am sharing why I would not have considered it with such a young child....which I had at the time of my second birth.

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2013

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Drama depends (my first was natural, vaginal and other than her giving me a surprise epesiotomy fairly non-dramatic as far as births go), and as I said he would be under no obligation to watch or even be there if he changes his mind, but I posted this question to get stories from Moms that have actual experience doing this, as I've heard others who have said it was a very special and bonding experience for their kids that they carried with them throughout the years, even decades later.

Circumcision is for personal/religious reasons. Though I realize it is in the popularity decline this post is not about that and I don't wish to digress on opinions and judgements. ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/29/2013

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TBH, he and you may think he can handle it...but....it is much more dramatic than you are describing. Quite honestly, out of all of that, the thing that shocks me most?? That you are circumcising.

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2013

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Yes I've told him it will hurt and that I will be making noises, but I'm tough and I can handle it. I've also told him about the blood and that the baby will look funny when it comes out, and why the baby's head might look like an egg and so such (though his head was so small it came out round), things like that. I also explained that that the baby's penis will look different and went through circumcision (here's a picture of an uncircumcised penis, then the doctor will cut off the extra skin and it will look like your penis), trying to cover the bases, hehe. He also knows that sometimes they have to cut the tummy open to get the baby out, and we've been watching the different scenarios in Bringing Home Baby, YouTube and other sources with explanations and Q&A. He is also under no obligation to be there, if he wants to cover his eyes or leave I don't want anyone pressuring him to do so. If he is allowed to be there, I want to assign a specific adult purely to be there for him, like a friend or family member that doesn't mind missing the birth if need be, and that can take care of him if the baby comes at night or if he needs to eat and so such. ;o) He's always been pretty ahead of the game in mentality/maturity, but if allowed I'll let him decide what is enough and what is too much, all within guidance.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/29/2013

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I think it is really cool that you are teaching him all there is to know about what is going on with your body, and what will happen during delivery. My reservations would be his age, that he may not be able to handle his mom being in pain and screaming.....it can get very gory in there. It may be to much for such a young child to see.

Also, if you are in a hospital like I was with a midwife, they will not let young children in the delivery room. If you are at home, they may have different rules. But, remember, you will be in pain, and your son will see that and may worry for mom. May get upset, and your intuitions will be to comfort him and lose focus on what you need to do. Also, if something happens like an emergency situation, he will be present for it and rushed out of the room. It may be worse for him knowing something is wrong with mom and baby. Any how, it seems like you are thinking long and hard about this, just giving more thoughts from a different angle. My son was 4 when my daughter was born. There is no way he would have handled it. Even at 5 I don't think so. He is now almost 7, and still I am not sure he could cope. But every child is different. Definitely ask your midwife about her rules.

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