HOw much power and say should an ex boyfriends fiance have on making decisions on a child that isnt theirs when they just came into the picture 4 months ago

Cynthia - posted on 10/14/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My Ex has given to my leeway in making important decision when it involves our child. They both backed me into a corner to get me to withdrawal my child from her elementary school to put her in his fiancés school because it was convient for them. He said it was for her best interest. I don't see how, if she had to leave all her friends and what she knew to go to a whole other school. Then they wanted to take my kid out of her catholic church to put her in the same one as his fiancés kid. Then the fiancé has the nerve to text me that she was upset because I wouldn't budge to accommodate them. How wrong is that. My ex and I made an agreement 4 years ago on how to raise our child together and now he acts like im little to no importance. I asked him to meet with me so we could discuss this amongst us alone and he says no that we have nothing to talk about if his fiancé who was just a girlfriend at the time isn't present. Ive known him for 6.5 years and never knew he could treat me like trash. I get no respect. I told him that as our childs biological parents that their are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed when it comes to discussing and/or deciding important issues related to our daughter . He has the nerve to say that this woman is in his life now and she has a right to make decisions. Maybe if I were dead but im not. He met this chick in july of this year (2013). Became boyfriend and girlfriend in August 2013 and became engaged in late August and now getting married Nov 1st. I think that for someone he doesn't even know for 5 to 6 months should not have that amount of power. I can care less about them but its affecting the relationship and arrangement the father and I had. His own mother is living with me because she doesn't agree with the person he has become. He is trying to establish a brady bunch environment which is all good but show the mother of your child respect. Please Help.

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Jodi - posted on 10/14/2013

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Well, where I live, if we are talking long term decisions such as education or religion, then the father has as much right as the mother to have a say. If the two of you can't agree on what is in the best interests of the child, then you need to have the court decide. She doesn't have any right to make these decisions, but he does. If he is agreeing with his fiance, then that becomes his decision, unfortunately. It doesn't mean you have to agree with him, but it may mean that you need some court orders as to education and religion to resolve future conflict.

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Jodi - posted on 10/15/2013

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My ex tried to stop me enrolling our son in the school we had originally agreed on, so I ended up taking him to court. He didn't show up. The magistrate decided it was ridiculous that we couldn't agree, and given it was previously agreed and he was backtracking AND he didn't show up, I now have 100% decision making over all long term decisions. My son was only 9 at the time and one thing the magistrate said was that he could foresee further difficulties over these decisions in the future, given the history of how we got to be there, and to prevent more of this, one parent needed to be able to make the decisions. Given I was the one there, I got the job.

Cynthia - posted on 10/14/2013

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Thanks Jodi, I have been told the same thing that I have to take this to court. Obviously our verbal agreement that has worked well for 4 years has gone down the drain due to a female. He is letting her make the decisions and then agreeing. That is where I believe he is wrong. but he has pushed me to do what I don't want to do which is to go to court. Maybe then he will open his eyes

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