How much time is appropriate visitation for a newborn?

LeeAnn - posted on 07/22/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

16

0

0

i allowed my ex to see my newborn son once a week for a couple of hours, he started demanding more time, but i am trying to establish a schedule, my son is only 6 weeks old today. My ex is a very impatient and obsessive personality, we were never married and only dated for a very short time before i broke up with him do to his following me and harrassing calls and texts. This week i got the police involved due to his behaviour, i have an appointment to see a lawyer next week. He did not show up today to see his son at all. I am trying to be reasonable but i feel that seeing my son is a newborn and im trying to regulate a schedule once a week visits should be enough, but my ex is pushing me to see him more. I have also allowed him to accompany me to both of his doctor visits as well. I am very nervous around my ex cause he comes on to me repeatedly harrassing me about us getting back together...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Katherine - posted on 07/22/2012

36

13

0

Well, once a week for a couple of hours is not much for a father to build a relationship with his child, however, since this guy sounds a bit in the abusive/controlling side, maybe you should move it to a supervised place (either formal or informal) where you can both be present and he will be limited in what he can say to you or do. In other words, meet him somewhere with a friend or your mom, or his mom or somebody there to be a witness. And if he's actually scary, you don't have to make access that easy. Keep a record of his threats, record your interactions if it's legal in your local and make him go to court for his access. This is wrong and unfair if he's a decent guy, but totally fair if it's a matter of safety. In fact, if he's THAT kind, you should get your custody on paper anyway before you let him wander from your home with the child, or you could end up being the one asking for access..

By the way, nursing is a bit of a protection for you, and even if you haven't breastfed this far, it's probably not to late to get your milk back in

6 Comments

View replies by

Katherine - posted on 07/22/2012

36

13

0

LeeAnn, I don't know where you're located, but a lot of good lawyers will give you a free consultation, and you need to be really careful with this arse, (I'm taking it for granted that you're reasonable and rational in your fear of his controlling ways).

Maybe you'll be lucky and he'll back off if he's actually gotten the message, but sometimes with these controlling types, the harder you make it the harder they fight, whether they want what they're after or not.

Is his name on the birth certificate/were you married or will he have to prove paternity?

LeeAnn - posted on 07/22/2012

16

0

0

Well he doesn't have a safe place to bring him, he is being evicted from his apartment, he doesn't have transportation and his father which is where i think he is going to end up staying with, smokes pot in his house everyday. He needs to show that he is capable of having a suitable place to take the child and care for him. After today though with him not showing up, i think the baby was more of an excuse for him to see me, im not trying to sound unrealistic but you have to understand his behaviour is completely inappropriate and unstable. I want to keep my child out of harms way by any means necessary.

Jodi - posted on 07/22/2012

3,535

36

3906

In that case, is there a family member or friend who can be involved in supervised visitation while you wait for the court to decide? I think it is important that you try to still find a way for the two of them to develop a relationship, and holding off visitation for months is not going to help.

LeeAnn - posted on 07/22/2012

16

0

0

He is very unstable and has made me afraid with his behaviour so i think i will let the courts settle this, because i don't feel he is emotionally stable enough to be with the child alone as of yet. I have two other older children in my home which have full access to their father they always had, we have an amicable relationship. This situation is completely out of the norm for me, im not used to such an aggressive man and i am unsure of what he is capable of. I want my son to have a relationship with his father but he needs to understand that this doesn't include me in the equation. Until he can understand its just about the child and stop the obsession about me i will not feel safe nor secure and cannot be friends and we cannot go forward easily. I want some normalcy back in my life, where i don't fear everytime i leave the house that i am being followed and accused of wrongdoing, when i am just going to the grocery store.

Jodi - posted on 07/22/2012

3,535

36

3906

I see no harm in more frequent short visits. A young child only has a very short memory, so more frequent visits will help to establish a relationship between father and child. Perhaps a few times a week for a couple of hours, and not necessarily in your home or with you around, but just the two of them. It is important he is able to have one on one time. I can't see that a judge would deny that to a father, and he does have a right to request more visits.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms