How old is too old to have a baby?

Kimberly - posted on 01/02/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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There is a 18 year difference between my husband and I. We currently have 2 beautiful healthy boys ages 5 and 2 1/2. My husband says he would love to have another baby ( I would to) but he thinks at his age (47) he is too old to have another child. He is so concerned that once the child gets into school that the child would be made fun of and that the child would get picked with people saying that "their grandpa" is picking them up when it would actually be their dad. I tell him that times have changed and that a lot older people are having children now days. How old is too old for a man to have a baby?

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Tabby - posted on 01/03/2011

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My dad is 73 and I'm only 22... Both my parents were what would be considered "older" parents and I can't ever remember someone in school saying something about it. From seeing other kids parents who were younger I'm now thankful my parents were older because they weren't so caught up in living through us like some younger parents do. Other kids who came over also loved our parents.

Laura - posted on 01/03/2011

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For starters, men don't have babies, women do! ; ) If men could have babies, the world population would be a lot less, I'll guarantee that! As it is, men do not have expiration dates on their sperm the way women do on their ovum. Men can physically father children until the day they die as long as they can have an erection and ejaculate. Katherine does make a valid point, however: Sperm quality and mobility DOES decrease with age, increasing the risk for certain birth deffects and genetic problems. There are tests that can be done to check for viability if you wanted to be sure that your husband's sperm were still healthy little swimmers!

With that said, it sounds like your husband's concerns aren't of the physical nature but rather of a mental and emotional nature. His reasons (teasing of his kids and being called "grandpa") seem like excuses to me, especially as they contradict his supposed desire to have more children. Any man that actually wanted more kids physically could so there seems to be more to his concerns. His reasons seem to be projected fears and misperceptions that most likely wouldn't happen or even if they did, would be honest mistakes by others not meant to cause him hurt or embarassment. Which gets to the actual EMOTIONS that he is projecting rather than owning--fear and embarassment about being older with a much younger wife and kids. His saying that he wants kids may just be a way of not hurting your feelings by coming right out and say "no more kids".

The only way to know for sure what he really wants is to have open and honest conversations where everyone expresses their own, true emotions and thoughts. This communication involves both of you using "I" statements such as "I feel (fill in the blank) when (fill in the blank) happens" to express yourselves. Only by cutting through the excuses and general crud can you two come to full understanding of each other. Hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Katherine - posted on 01/03/2011

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The ONLY thing I would be worrying about is a higher risk of certain diseases and genetic problems.
Anything else, the heck with it.

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Angie - posted on 01/03/2011

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If you can get pregnant naturally, I'd say go for it. I think our bodies tell us when we're "too old to have a baby".

[deleted account]

My hubby was actually 47 when we had our 3rd child (I was just 40). Nobody has ever asked if he was grandad, and if they did he'd just laugh and say no! But it's true of course that he'll probably have less time with his kids than if he'd had kids younger, and that's a really sad thought. So we just make sure we do lots of exercise and eat a healthy diet, so we stay alive for as long as possible.

If you are really keen to have a third kid - go for it!

Medic - posted on 01/02/2011

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I say go for it......but let me tell you my experiance...my parents were 36 and 38 when they adopted me. My whole life I have noticed that they are old enough to be alot of my friends parents, parents. They are old enough to really be my grandparents. Yes it has bothered me really bad at times and now that I am 25 it bothers me even more because I am worrying more and more about my parents health because they are in their 60's. Some people call my parents my kids great grandparents and it bothers me. While I had everything in the world and never wanted for anything and to this day have the financial help some people don't because my parents were set in their jobs. Another good thing is both of my parents are retired now so they get to enjoy my kids and my kids get time with their grandparents I didn't get with mine.

Sylvia - posted on 01/02/2011

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Well, let's see, my dad was 46 when I was born, which would make him 50 when my little brother was born ... I'm glad he didn't decide he was too old ;^)

You can't stop people from thinking you're your kids' grandparents :P. My sister had that happen once or twice with her first baby, even though she was only 35! (It probably didn't help that on at least one of those occasions she had her oldest [adopted] daughter, a teenager, with her as well as the baby.) Where I live, a lot of people don't start having kids until well into their 30s, so by the time their kids are at school, many are 40+. If you both want another baby, have another baby, and the heck with what other people think!!

Firebird - posted on 01/02/2011

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I had a friend in high school who's parents had another baby when her dad was almost 70, so yea, I'm gonna have to vote 'go for it!'

Bonnie - posted on 01/02/2011

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I would go for it since you both want another child, you only live once. I personally think it would be better for you to have another since you both want one rather than not and possibly regret it down the road for not having one. And as Jodi A. pointed out, your other two children are small which means their father wasn't much younger when you had those two. Have another while you still can :-)

Tyrae - posted on 01/02/2011

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I would just go for it, I don't see a problem with the age of either of you to have more children. If that's what you want than do it. Your children will not get made fun of, people don't care about that kind of stuff, and if someone does bug them about it than that one child has some issues that needs to be dealt with to stoop low enough to make fun of someone because of the age of their parents. As long as you are both healthy enough to have another one go for it.

Jodi - posted on 01/02/2011

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So is he concerned about the 5 and 2 1/2 year old in the same way? Because its not that much difference. And yes, there are a lot of older parents these days. My husband and I are in our 40s with our youngest in Kindergarten, and to be honest, I don't think we look any older than a lot of parents there. Definitely older than some, but there are also a lot of older parents. I don't think it really an issue you should focus on.

Lissa - posted on 01/02/2011

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My parents were 40 and 44 when I was born and I can't say it bothered me, not a single person made fun of me. My parents friends were 15-20 years younger than mine even now people are amazed when they realise my Mum is in her seventies. I also want to add I never once worried about them being older than the other parents, was never embarrased or concerned in any way.
When I had my first baby I was 17 and Grandad (on his Dads side) was 44 and mistaken for Daddy.

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