How old is too old to have another child?

Melanie - posted on 07/04/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am turning 43. I have one child and am desperately yearning for another. Being one of five and being an "older" mom, I do not want my child to grow up alone and have no one. I am obsessed and depressed over this. Do you think 43 is too old?

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Satu - posted on 02/01/2012

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I think if you end up pregnant, you are meant to be blessed with a baby, whatever your age. It is an amazing experience, to make a mini me. I think I wouldn't have enjoyed being a young mum as much as now at 45, I liked to go out and party, but that now out my system, I enjoy my 4 month old happy, healthy, beautiful girl. We enjoy singing, dancing, visiting, watching her grow through her milestones. And look forward to going shopping, lunches together, outings, zoos, anything I can show and teach her about this world. I feel I have more experience, wisdom, knowledge to give her, to prepare her for this earth to have a great life, and lot's of love, not just from me and her dad, but my whole family and friends, and our dog who just loves her and is protective over her. So, go for it and get a life!

COURTNEY - posted on 01/30/2012

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melanie saw your other post,if your hubby doesnt want to start over consider adoption.there are hundreds of thousands of children needing a loving home.babies are the hardest to get -consider a child older or a yr or two younger than your child.no early am's or late nights.no diapers/bottles.=)

COURTNEY - posted on 01/30/2012

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hi melanie,i dont think it is!im turning 37 sat & want aanother 1.i have a cowrker who's 43 & just had her 3rd.her other two are 11& 9.and circle of moms had an article about the number of new moms between the ages of 45 & 53(i think).i plan on looking towards retirement but thats me.if you're in good health & know that 'our' chances go down with age then i say go for it!

GOOD LUCK!

Donna - posted on 07/05/2009

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well, i had my last one at 38 and now i'm 45. I wish i could have another one too, but the risks are too great for having a baby with medical issues. I don't think 43 is too old, but I'm wondering just exactly how safe it is at our age to give birth again. What about adoption?

Tanya - posted on 07/05/2009

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I don't think that is too old, I know risks on certain things go up with age but if you see a OB/GYN who is supportive you can get through anything, I say go for it :) Good Luck

[deleted account]

Quoting Deborah:

I do not think 43 is too old, but be sure that you feel you have enough energy to be chasing after a 7 year old at 50 and putting up with a teenager until after 60. It would sure be tough!





I'm 44.  I had my last child at 38 and that is pretty much the oldest I would have wanted to be.  I got my tubes tied after that last one.  What Deborah is saying was very much my motivation but also, despite how many people are doing it, rates of birth defects are radically higher after 35 and especially after 40.  The only thing I can think of that would be harder than having a preschooler in my late 40s would be to have a SPECIAL NEEDS preschooler in my late 40s.  A chart I found on the internet shows that Down's Syndrome rates increase greatly with age. (I tried to post the whole chart and it was a mess and I couldn't fix it) It said that for a 43 year old, there is a 1/53 chance!  That's just ONE birth defect. This information was really compelling to me!   On the other hand, you could look into adoption.   There are lots of kids  already born who you could really bless with a home and a family.  Just my (rather negative, sorry) 2 cents.

[deleted account]

Quoting Leslie:

Hi!

I think there are many factors to concider here. How old is your partner and how does he feel about having another at this stage? How old is your child? Do you have the energy and health to go thru another pregnancy and birth? Is it that you want to experience those things again or is adoption a possibility?

Talk to your OB about it and possibly a psychologist to deal with the depression aspect. Your OB will likely have statistical information you may find helpful (or not!) in making your decision. Just remember when evaluating this kind of info that risks seem to increase for moms over 40 because fewer women over 40 are having babies so there is a smaller pool to draw info from.

Does this help at all????

Hugs-
Leslie


The risks do increase for women over 40 BUT I have to say that you are wrong about fewer women over 40 having babies.  These days, the number of women over 40 having babies is on the rise and becoming more common so that pool is actually growing.  Because of career aspirations and other things, many women are becoming first time moms at 40+. 



Melanie, as long as you are healthy, have the stamina (even if it's not what it was when you were 25) and you and your partner are both on the same page......I say go for it girl!  Best of luck in whatever you decide. 



Joy
P.S.  I became a first time mom at 36, was pregnant again at age 38 (miscarried last week)....and we will be trying again....40 around the corner or not :)

Angela - posted on 07/05/2009

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I have to say that age is just a number and if you get the green light from your OB go for it. You know your body and if you will be able chase a little one at your age. My boy friend's ex wife just had a baby at 46 and had some complications, but she was told to not have anymore children. Just listen to your OB. Keep an open mind about adoption and foster care, cuz there are a lot of kids that would be grateful to have 2 loving parents. Good luck!!

Leigh - posted on 07/05/2009

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It's just a number, you should have another child if you think you are physically & emotionally able to cope. It's really upto how you feel. I'm 37 & already have 3 teenage kids, didn't enjoy the baby stage & am just 'finding my way' through all the hormones from the teens & for me I knew that I didn't want any more kids when I was 24. It's up to you & your support network. Having another child because you think your first will grow up 'alone', is not really guareenteed. It's like saying I'll have my kids with a year gap so that they grow up 'close', only to realise they grow up 'close' in age & when they get older they can more than likely grow to go on living their lives they way they want. Otherwise look at other alternatives, fostering, adoption etc.

Kate - posted on 07/04/2009

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I don't think there is any age -- BUT if you are experiencing health problems or any thing that might be difficult on you to carry/raise another child, you may not want to have another. But, that's entirely dependent on how you feel (and of course your husband too). It's something to seriously discuss with your husband and doctor before making a decision for sure.

Melanie - posted on 07/04/2009

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My husband is the same age as I. He says he does not want any more children but after our first was born, we kept trying. So I think he is just saying he doesn't because we can't. Our insurance co. only allows $1,000. for infertility and we went through that just finding out that my tubes are blocked. I could have an operation or I could go for IVF but my husband doesn't want to spend the money since there are no guarantees. I'm just having a hard time accepting that my body has betrayed me and my current 7 year old will be all alone. I am assuming all of this is coming to surface because my sister-in-law has just announced she is expecting again. If it wasn't for my endo. I would have had more children already. It just hurts so much to see other women having babies and I can't. I was contemplating or should I say entertaining the thought of forging ahead and getting the operation and letting be what will be. But then the thoughts of my age came in to play. I know I could do it physically and mentally, its just ... You are right Leslie, I will talk to my OB. I have an appointment next month. I joined this site because I needed someone to talk to about all this because I don't have anyone I can be honest with about it. Thank you both for your replies.

[deleted account]

Hi!



I think there are many factors to concider here. How old is your partner and how does he feel about having another at this stage? How old is your child? Do you have the energy and health to go thru another pregnancy and birth? Is it that you want to experience those things again or is adoption a possibility?



Talk to your OB about it and possibly a psychologist to deal with the depression aspect. Your OB will likely have statistical information you may find helpful (or not!) in making your decision. Just remember when evaluating this kind of info that risks seem to increase for moms over 40 because fewer women over 40 are having babies so there is a smaller pool to draw info from.



Does this help at all????



Hugs-

Leslie

Deborah - posted on 07/04/2009

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I do not think 43 is too old, but be sure that you feel you have enough energy to be chasing after a 7 year old at 50 and putting up with a teenager until after 60. It would sure be tough!

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