How should I handle Step-daughters disrepectful boyfriend?

Sandra - posted on 07/24/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




Here is the situation. I am a step-mom to two for 12 years and a mom of one for 11years. I am trying my very best to be loving to all three. This past year was a very good school year for mine and my stepdaughters relationship. After 12 years, we were finally getting along. She was talking about college and I was excited to see such a wonderful transformation in her. About 2 months prior to her graduating, she started to date a local boy. I say local because before, she was in a long term relationship with another boy who had moved to another state. Of course, as a parent, I was happy that she was dating someone that couldn't take her mind off of school. Anyways, they broke up and she started to date the local boy. At first, he was really nice. Trying to encourage my husband to be more active outdoors and he seemed genuine about being interested in what was going on in my youngest kids life. Everyone in the whole family liked him ( and I mean everyone). After about 2 weeks, I started to notice that he wasn't going home at night. I said something to my husband (her father) and I'm not sure what he did, but the problem never went away. The boy stayed the night again. Finally, I spoke to him privately because he is about 20 and I thought he would be more understanding about the rules then my stepdaughter would be. Plus, I was afraid to ruin the good relationship we were finally having. Anyways, he seemed to take it well, but tried to tell me that my husband gave him permission to stay the night. Of course when I asked my husband, he said he never said that. Another time had occurred and when I called the boy out on it, he told me that he didn't appreciate how I was talking to him, and that I was being very immature. I will say this, considering the fact that he thought, even for a second that it was ok to talk to me that way in my own home, and how he disregarded my request about him leaving at a certain time and lying on my husband, I think I was being a saint! A few more problems occurred, and my husband and I sat down and went over rules with both of them. We figured the more we pushed her into dumping him, the more she would want to date him. So why fight it?

Since then, the boyfriend has accused me of being unfair, and anytime I try to place or enforce rules in my house, he texts my husband telling him that he has all the respect in the world for him but he thinks his wife, meaning me, is being unrealistic. In the past, I have told this kid to leave and he just stands there. I ask my husband to back me up and he says that he is afraid that if he stands up to his daughter and her boyfriend that they will cut us out of their life. I personally know that kids get over things and that if they did cut us out, it would only be temporary.

I need advice and encouragement. I love my husband and family and do not feel the need to divorce, so if that is the only advice you can give, please don't bother to respond. Thanks in Advance :)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms