How should I have responded?

Kit Kat - posted on 09/18/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My 4 year old son asked me this morning why his father isn't in his family, and why he isn't in his life. His father lives about 3,000 miles away and doesn't visit on a regular basis, basically not at all. He randomly calls and it's gotten to the point where my son doesn't even want to talk to him on the phone whenever he does call. I told him that it was his father's choice, that he lives very far away and works a lot. Also, that Mommy is in his life and is his family. I am not going anywhere, that I love him so very much, and, "it's just you and me, Bud." However, when I was telling a co-worker of mine all of this, she criticized me for placing all of the blame on him when it was a mutual separation, despite the fact that he led me on to believe we were reconciling, and that he would be moving more local to us about two years after we left. However, when he met his now wife, his life plan changed and he has no intention of ever living close to our son. She told me that I should have told him that Daddy and I couldn't get along and that it would best that we live apart, and that he works a lot. As much as I despise my ex and the choices that he has made over the past year and a half, I do not feel that I should sugar coat the situation. I want to be honest with him, and not shelter him (especially since his father is a pathological liar). I am the product of a divorce and was sheltered a lot growing up. I do not want to do that to my son because I know how it feels later on in life.


Dove - posted on 09/18/2015




It doesn't matter at this point WHY you split up. The fact is that his father DOES live too far away to visit. You aren't telling him that his father is a horrible human being or anything else hurtful like that... just that Daddy lives far away... and that's a fact.

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