How should i punish my 15 year old son?

Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am a 34 year old mother with a 15 year old boy, he keeps failing his exams in school misbehaving at home etc i have tried sending him to therapeutic services and the teachers have tried extremely hard to help him understand the work but he refuses to do anything, i feel as tho punishment is going to be the only answer, i would love to know what other moms have had this same issue and what would be the best punishment to get his ass back on track, kind regards vanessa

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Sarah - posted on 08/28/2016

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Well, don't walk in without knocking would be my advice there. I have caught my boys in the act a few times and I simply silently walk away. Masturbating does not cause disobedience, he is trying to exert his independence. He will learn how costly it really is to be independent.
You can choose to leave the bedroom door in place. This will be a huge undertaking. My husband I did it one time 5 years ago to our son who at 15 decided he no longer needed to follow rules. Since he was bigger than me, he felt I could not force him to obey. He came home from school and found his room bare. We even took his mattress, but in hind sight I could have left it. We left him a pillow, blanket, clothing and one lamp. He complained about not having his computer and I told him he'd have to use the public library. When he asked for a ride, I told him to call a friend. It was an enormous to effect discipline but I also did it so our younger 3 kids could see what will happen to them is they choose to not follow house rules. He quickly became quite repentant and earned back one thing at a time, his bed, his furniture, the door, his phone, his clothing, his computer etc. He is a successful 2nd year cadet at West Point and I could not be prouder of him. We never discuss that time, he was very humiliated. It was extreme, but for me, for my kids; it was the right thing to do. Think about it, talk it over with your husband. If you are going to commit, you have to really commit.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2016

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What have you tried before? If this were my son, he'd have no more than shelter, food and a change of clothing until his behavior improves. Anything more is a luxury that he can either pay for himself or earn thru doing his work. I mean everything, furniture, privacy, phone, computer, social life etc. He doesn't do the work, he gets nothing. Your obligation to him is to love him, feed him, shelter him and cloth him.
However before any of that; why is he failing. Does he have a learning disability, is he using drugs, is he depressed. You say "to get him back on track" how long ago did he fall off the track?

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Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2016

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Thankyou so much for the advice i will certainly be putting this to practice he needs to be tought a lesson, one more thing i feel rather embarrassed to talk about although it needs to be discussed he seems to masturebate lots and i will often find him jump and dive under the bed sheets every time i walk in his room, could this be the reason why he misbehaves so much?

Dove - posted on 08/28/2016

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Don't take away basic things (like a mattress, pillow, blanket) and don't take away basic hygiene. You are responsible for his medical well being as well... and being clean is part of that. Not allowing a shower is parental neglect.

Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2016

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So i could leave him in a completely empty room as long as i'm providing him with clothing food and shelter? Would showering be a privilege i should take away from him too?

Ev - posted on 08/28/2016

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Vanessa--it is not child abuse. You are to provide the basics of fool, shelter and clothing. He does not need all the accessory stuff.

Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2016

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He started misbehaving around a year ago for no other reason other than puberty mental health specialists have told me he has no mental disorders and he simply needs to be disciplined, would removing all items from his room including bed leaving him with only a pillow and blanket be a good idea? i had the same sort of idea but i wasn't sure if it would be classified as child abuse if i were to do that?

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