How should I respond to a teacher that complains about my 3 1/2 yr old?

MomtoJ - posted on 11/27/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Greetings to all mommies!

I need help in how to respond to a teacher that complains to me when I go pick up my son from school. She is not his primary teacher, but she works with at the end if the day when they are sent to the other classroom. Yesterday when I went to pick up my boy she said my son was "fresh" to her when she asked him to do something. I spoke to him and asked him to apologize and told her I would speak to him at home. I said I may have to take his new farm toys away. Later I came home and did that. My son cried really bad and it broke my heart. Yet, I wanted to send a message to him that I do not want that to happen again. He will be turning 4 soon and is new to this school. He has been there less than 2 months. WHat I wanted to add is that his main two teachers have never complained about him being "fresh" so I wonder if she is doing this primarily to speak to me and see what I say.



I also found out that she spoke to a friend of mine about me at a store when she bumped in to her. She said that I was insane and made very negative comments about me. I was shocked because I don't carry myself as a crazy woman. She even told my friend I need to discipline my child. ( Meaning spank him to correct him and get him to listen) I have done that and stopped because read it can make things worse. So I practice the 1,2, 3 Magic approach from a book I am reading and he listens to me more and it has really helped at home. In school, there are no real consequences.They just count...1 , 2 3 and tell him to stop behavior. What would you do if they don't do much in school? I feel there is only one teacher that has this problem. The two others tell me he is fine and never have said anything like that. I also will add that he is friendly and respectful

I am a good person with good values and am a devoted mom. Unfortunately, I am in a nasty court battle and the school knows my husband and I are separated. My feeling is he may have said something to her that is negative about me. There is more to say, but I want to stick with the main issue. My son is very sweet and innocent, but I do admit he likes to get his way often. I speak to him, and I don't let him get away with disrespect. Yet I certainly don't want to use physical force because we are in court and I don't think that wil help me case if they hear I hit him etc. I give him time out and offer consequences for behaviors I don't like. I praise and reward when he behaves. What else am I supposed to do when this one teacher says this to me? I also cannot report her being so unprofessional because my friend made me promise her not to say anything. I am not supposed to know all this. I am hurting and couldn't sleep for two nights because I was so hurt that she thinks this way of me. If it were true, I would not be so upset, yet I can't stand taking him there because if this one person. I do it for him, but will admit that I am not sure he will last too long there if this continues. I feel I have been wronged. My friend told me to go in and not offer an information about my husband. I don't do that. I never spoke negative of him to this staff. All I said id I wnat to be the parent they notify in case of emergency. I said we have issues and I prefer they call me. The main teacher agreed and that was that. This secondary preschool teacher is someone I never discussed anything with about my personal life. That's why I am so concerned. If I spoke about what she did she could be fired. Yet, I promised my friend that I would keep the secret and be careful when I do drop him off.

SOrry this is so long! I need to know how to answer her and if I should do more to help my son respect and or not be "fresh" with her. : (

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The next time she confronts you about your son's behavior, just say "Thank you for letting me know, I will address the behavior at home. Since this seems to be an ongoing problem, I will meet with [main teacher] as soon as possible to discuss it further."

Then actually meet with the main teacher, let her know your concerns. You do not have to tell her what your friend said, you can just tell her that this teacher is communicating to you that your son is being "fresh" but is not giving any specific examples, and that you have not witnessed the behavior at school or at home, so you want to get more information from her. Ultimately, it will be clear that the other teacher is making stuff up if the main teacher never sees your child exhibit said behavior. From there, you can develop an action plan for helping your son deal with the other teacher and keeping her out of your hair.

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MomtoJ - posted on 11/27/2012

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Thanks Kelly! I am glad to hear I should say I will "address behavior at home" because I was also unsure about saying too much in front of her. I was thinking of asking his main teacher if he has been disrespectful with her when i take him later. Yet, from your post I guess I will wait to see of this happens again. Thanks so much...

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