How to accept my children's new step mom

Anna - posted on 10/15/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My ex-husband is engaged to be married to his long time girlfriend. I have a 12 yr old girl and 11 yr old boy. I am a stay at home mom and very active in my children's lives/school/sports. What role does new step mom have in terms of participating in bake sales, school social outings, etc. She is a nice person and I'm happy for my ex, but my daughter expressed dislike for her and thinks she is trying to replace me as a mom. I have mixed feelings. Part of me is relieved not to be married to my awful ex, but part of me is sad that I'm not the mom in the two parent home with my kids' dad. I don't know if I should invite her to tea to discuss co-parenting or exclude her from the tight circle of moms at our school.

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Anna - posted on 10/15/2013

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Thanks. It's going to be hard to do, especially because she has never reached out in kindness towards me. I do agree with you that it is in the best interest of the children to foster a positive relationship. It's a struggle because I know, although she is a nice person, she would never go out of her way to include me. My ex didn't even tell me they were engaged. I had to figure it out on my own. But I will add her to the emails regarding mom activities for the school. Thank you for your thoughtful response. I just needed a little push to do the right thing!

Khari - posted on 10/15/2013

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Hi Anna, I would suggest to include her in your circle. If you like her and you believe that she is a great person, be open! Your daughter may not like her because she's not you, but don't exclude her. Since she is marrying your children's father, make her feel welcomed and apart of the family....especially if she's not trying to tear you guys apart. You will Always be the mom and no one can take that away from you, so just keep your head up and be positive. You may not want to include her in every single thing but include her in some things....don't separate her! She is not the mom (you) but she is the step mom and she will be there supporting your kids as well. Also, don't allow your daughter to say bad things about her, this may turn into disrespect. Let her know that she is there to love them, and she means no harm. By including her in a lot of things, this will allow your kids to love, enjoy and respect her, and this will allow the relationship between everyone to be positive and strong.

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