How to accept the fact that my husband does not want a child together

Candice - posted on 10/09/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I both have children from other marriages. I have a 7 year old and he has an 11 and 16 year old. Before we got married I knew he did not want any more children and I really thought that I was okay with it. After a lot a thought and prayer, being with him and not having a child with him meant so much more to me than not having him in my life and havign a child with someone else. It came down to the fact that I wanted his child, not any child. That being said, we got married and I consider myself very blessed. I have an amazing family. I do still have a void or an emptiness that I can't seem to fill. I never thought I could love someone so much that I would NEED to share every aspect of life with him. Both of his children were conceived without his knowlege with his ex-wife and I just can't help but to feel resement towards her for not only having part of my husband that I will never have, but also for taking that opportunity away from me to be able to share every part of my love for him, with him. He says that he dosen't want anymore children, but can't tell me why. I think it would be easier for me to accept if I understood, but he just can't say why. I have gone through counseling and medication and i will be fine for a while, but when I get depressed about it, it gets really bad and I feel guilty for putting him through it. I don't nag him about it, but he knows whats wrong. I love him with all of my heart and I don't want to let this get between us in any way. I need help getting over this opsticle. Any advice?

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Candice - posted on 10/09/2012

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I'm not entirley sure how he felt about having children before his two were born. He was a senior in high school when his son was born and in a rough patch in his marriage when his daughter was born. The timeing was never right. He dosen't regret for a moment that they were bron, but it wasn't his choice. He is the mist amazing man, loving, considerate, caring. He cooks and cleans. He is amazing. This is honestly our only disagreement thus far. We have been married for a year and a half half and together for two years prior. He is really not someone who will sit and talk with an outsider. I can hardly get him to talk to me about this suject.

AnnMarie - posted on 10/09/2012

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Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. We are allowed to change our minds. I am sure that part of his issue is that he never had a voice before about having kids. If his ex got herself pregnant while he didn't want kids I can kinda get why he says no. but this isn't something that can just sit there. You need to talk more. Let him understand that you know he doesn't want anymore children and you thought you were ok with that. But that your feelings have changed as of now and it would really help you if you could understand why he doesn't want more. Did he never want kids? Is he worried that you will do what his ex did? Will he go and talk to someone with or without you? He may not know why and if that's the case he needs to figure it out in order to help you as well as himself. You can't be on meds forever and depression is a big deal. I'm glad you are taking care if yourself but he needs to help you take care of yourself by both of you having a better understanding of the reason he doesn't want more kids.

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