How to answer a counselor who will ask you what you think about your 16 yr. old son wanting to live with his dad?

Toni - posted on 07/22/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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It is a fact that his Dad moved to a far suburb where the High School is five minutes away. I live in the city where about an hour travel time on public transportation gets him to his school. I'm going for full custody because of my ex's secret marriage (now divorced) took place and the children were involved in the deceit. I believe he is doing this because he doesn't want to pay child support. Our daughter has 7th & 8th grade to finish in her school and wants to stay with her friends and familiar situation in the school. The courts will probably do a Split custody, but I really want the children to stay together. I know that my Ex has been brainwashing my son to the place where he now calls me Mother instead of Mom, which he called me all his life. What do some of you suggest for me to do?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/22/2014

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I suggest that you be honest with the counselor, to begin with.

I will say this: Your son, if he's 16, will most likely be given choice of residence, whether that's what you want, or not. It will depend on your location. Actually, the younger may also be given choice of residence, so be prepared for that, just in case.

And the whole thing about your son calling you 'mother' as opposed to 'mom'...it may be a kid thing, both of mine started calling me 'mother' at around that age, just because they could. Did I mind? Not one bit. My kids are still referring to me as a parental figure...would be no different if they called me 'ma', or 'moms', or 'mama', or 'mommy', or 'madre', or 'muter'...

And, to be honest, I bet dad believes that the only reason you're petitioning for full custody is that you're jealous of the relationship he has with the kids, and you want to minimize that. (Just saying, if you are projecting feelings on to others, they will be doing the same to you...) Why can't dad be petitioning custody because he loves his kids and wants to spend more equal time with them?

I suggest that you make sure that you have a good attorney, and be prepared for a judge to tell you that the kids can choose their residence. If you're in the US, your son, at least, will most likely be given his choice.

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Toni - posted on 07/22/2014

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I really can't write all that has gone on, but I appreciate your comments. Thank you!

Dove - posted on 07/22/2014

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Well... if the counselor is asking you what you think... tell them what you think.

Be aware that at 16 he will, most likely, be allowed to choose where he lives... as long as he's not being seriously abused what you think will not make a difference in court. There is nothing in the world wrong w/ him calling you mother... even if you don't like it.

On a side note... I wouldn't even TALK to my mom at 16 and now, ever since about 25 years old, I can't imagine my life w/out her in it. Hang in there!

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