How to choose...

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I'm a stepmom to 2 kids. I've been getting them, by myself mostly, every Friday evening to Saturday morning. I'll be getting them this weekend, but my husband will be home Saturday and Sunday. When I found out a week and a half ago that he has off this weekend, I suggested that we go to my parents house Saturday night. My husband said that the kids have a hard time getting to sleep at a new place. I said ok, that's why I said Saturday night. Then he repeated that the kids have a hard time getting to sleep in new places. I said, yes, you just said that. We take them back at 2pm, like normal, and then go to my parents house. He said ok. A few days later, I asked him about going tho my parents house. Then he said that he was thinking about getting the kids the whole weekend. That's how it always goes. The weekends that he has off, he gets the kids until Sunday morning around 9-10am, when he takes them back. Anytime I try to make plans to do anything, he says no, he wants to get the kids, he misses them oh so badly. Bull!!! He could easily get them any day of the week that he has off! He says I don't understand, because I'm not a mother. I see his daughter and his ex-wife's son more than he does, because he rarely is home on the weekends. Every time I mention that he could get them on the evening on his days off, he says that I don't understand because I'm not a mother. Well, he's finally going to his boss to ask for every other Friday and Saturday off. This is after 5 months of me telling him I hate my job, andI feel like I'm his babysitter. His ex-wife, ironically, has told him the same thing-she feels like she's burdening me with the kids, and they hardly get tho see him because he's always at work. I think he just likes his days off too much to do anything earlier. Well, getting to the point-I want to go to my parents house, this weekend. I could do it next weekend, when he works, but my mom works next weekend. I've been forced for months to change my life to take care of the kids, and I'm beginning to resent them and him. I want to go this weekend, but how would it look if I went while the kids are there? Then again, I've been taking care of them with little help from him, and he hasn't seen them for 2 weeks, and he always makes me feel like a horrible person when we're both with the kids together. If I make myself breakfast without asking if they're hungry, I'm selfish. He's the one that gets up first, and I just want to eat before having to slave for others. If I want to watch a certain show that only comes on at a certain time, or that I've been waiting for, and one of them doesn't get to watch something they watch every time they come over, I'm a horrible person. If I don't like what either of them are watching, and go to their bedroom (only room without cable) to read, I'm a horrible person because I'm excluding myself from spending time with them. And watching tv is pretty much all they ever do. I'd like to go on a walk-nope, they don't want to, I can't, I'd be excluding myself and a horrible person. If I want to go to a book fair, I can't, because they'd be bored and I'm a horrible person. If I want to get a job in a restaurant, which means I won't be able to get the kids on the weekends, I can't. I'm a horrible person, and that would mean I couldn't babysit!!! So, my question: should I go to my parents, doing what I want to do, therefore being a horrible person, or stay home and resent them? I have seen my parents total of 6 times since we got married 7 months ago. I've seen his kids every weekend and then some.


Amy - posted on 01/09/2014




You married a man with kids what did you think? I get you see them more than him but it sounds as if you hate the kids...whether you do or not I don't know. What if their mom died who do you think will have the kids ALL the time, yup your husband. If you want to go see your parents go see them. Explain to him that you're going to let him spend some quality time with the kids alone this weekend and you are going to visit your family. Or you could all go as a family, eventually the kids will adjust if they do something enough (sleeping in new places).

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