Sapphire - posted on 12/01/2015 ( 20 moms have responded )
About four months ago my ex decided to end our relationship of 9years and call off the engagement. He stated that he couldn't bear to see me after I told his parents they couldn't stay with us for two weeks and assumed I was planning things with my mother. The relationship between his parents and I was never established and they were complete strangers to me after all those years. I wasn't comfortable with them staying in. Small apartment with us for two weeks when I had just given birth and hadn't adjusted to being a mom. I offered for them to stay at my grandparents and to use there car as well and they were going to do so but my ex told them no. With the discomfort I chose to leave for 3days and stay with my parents. When I came back home we talked it out and everything was fine or so I thought. His parents visit was over and we seemed perfect again then he started to come home from work later and later getting angry with me about everything and decided to no longer help me raise our daughter. He disappeared one day and I called the cops thinking something happened. The next day he calls and says he's sorry he went out drinking. From that day he told me to move out he needed space and I should go stay at my parents house. I fought it for three weeks and tried to work things out but he wasn't wanting to do so. He wouldn't come home at all stay out with our friend and then made them turn away from me . August I made the choice to leave the apartment wth my daughter because the emotional roller coaster was killing me.
When I moved out I would invite him over to see the baby and even offer for him to take her and spend time with her however for two weeks he would say he's coming and then not show up. She was only 2.5months.
We had a trip planned in August and I was excited to go but I had to cancel my flight because we had an argument in front of my parents house the day before and the cops were called and had escort me in moving all my belongings I could fit in my car from the apartment because it want anymore problems. He assumed that I set him up when the cops were called because I said he is acting crazy. Which he was passing his hands through his hair and pacing back and forth like something was wrong but won't talk and then blaming me I broke his phone. During this time of chaos I filed for custody visitation and child support because I felt insecure and saw things going badly. Especially with his constant threats of when I take you to court things aren't going to go your way.
While he was in Puerto Rico he talked with family and he came back wanting to work things out for my daughter as parents not as a couple. I was okay with that. The whole month of September he would come over and watch her for three hours at my house and help me with somethings. He never paid a dime but was cordial. Court was coming up and I assumed he was only acting that way so I wouldn't have anything against him. However court came and went he was never served so I was shocked to know he was really being him again. However after court I never told him because I wanted to see where we stood and he started to demand his time with his daughter alone. I gave in and said fine three hours only these places and three times a week. I did it for my sanity. So I could step away and stop believing we would work it out and get back together and to tell myself this is how it's going to be when we establish visitation.
Halloween came and he was angry with me when I showed up with our daughter and he was very hostile and wouldn't let us leave. When trick or treaters came I ran in the opposite direction and into the car with my spare key and drove to his cousins. Left the baby we her and came back to his house to pick up my purse. He ranted how he hates me and everything I do wrong. And his cousin told him I bringing him to court. While I was served the second time I knew he had to be served the second time too. However he was in shock and started crying and saying he can't believe I did this him. He was trying to keep our daughter our of the court system and work with me.
The baptism was in pr with his family and I stayed with them for two days alone with my daughter and we were completely fine however he kept saying stop trying it's not going to brings us back together. I honestly wasn't trying for that reason but for the main reason of they are my daughters grandparents.
Whe. We came back court happened the third time and child support was established and he became angry that I'm taking so much from him money wise and he can't afford to support himself. I didn't make the calculations though the court did and I didn't get a say.
Since going to court he isn't wanting to work anything out or communicate with me about our daughter the schedule we had established for two months vanished and he wants to take her for 6houra each visit( she's still breastfeeding and I pump but only enough for that feeding tried formula several and it doesn't settle with her well) and then says he doesn't have to tell me where he's taking her just when to pick up and drop off its his private time with her. I said no to that and told him three hours back on psychological studies and I need to know where she is as a mother for the safety of my child.
Since he doesn't agree he says I'm keeping him away from her and I'm restricting him from seeing his daughter. Mind you I never told him he wasn't allowed to come over and see her or help out in putting her to sleep.
We have mediation at the end of December and in the mean time I'm trying to work with him o. Spending time with our daughter and since it's not going his way he won't have it.
Am I wrong for being concerned about the where my child is when with him? He was the one that walked away I have little trust in him.
He takes her to his best friends house and his mom takes care of my daughter. To me that's not bonding
He wants to demand over nights yet he works as a personal trainer and leave at 5 am and has different hours based on clientele need.
How am I suppose to co parent with someone who only wants to take his revenge on the break up and get what he wants.