How to cope with coparenting when his gf is involved?

Ker - posted on 07/25/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

4

0

1

I have recently separated from my child's father, he threw us out of the house. Three days later he has his gf in the house while my stuff was still there. Now im at my mother's house and i have to now share our son with a person i know nothing about. I am really worried about my 2 year old child around his gf. When we were together he hardly took up his responsibility as a father. So i know she does most the work. I was very upset when he brought him without a car-seat and she held him at the backseat. I spoke to him about it but he refuses to comply. He says that I should know my place and that i making it a problem that his gf had to hold him. Am i being to paranoid? How can i deal with this stress? Was i wrong for telling him about the car-seat?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2016

21,273

9

3058

He is 2 years old, by law he needs a car seat. You need to contact a lawyer asap. He should never have kicked you out. Call the police so you can have access to your house and get your stuff, and your kids stuff. I wonder if there is a way to get you and your son back in the home.

Ev - posted on 07/26/2016

7,952

7

918

Amanda--I agree a good girlfriend, friend or family member would have tried to make sure that the dad did the right thing in using car seats. She also should have called the police once she found out that he was doing this. But it is not the GF's job to make sure that dad cares for his kid. It is also not the GF's job to clean, care for, cook, and so on for this child as it is the father's responsibility when he has the child. The GF is not responsible for the care of her BF's kids.

Dove - posted on 07/25/2016

11,897

0

1350

She will only interfere as far as the father lets her... and you can't really control that. It's up to him. It's not easy to handle and I'm sorry it's so 'in your face' so soon after the separation, but there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

Some judges will put in a court order that the parent's boyfriend/girlfriend can not sleep over when the child is present (if that is equal for both parents). My court order had that... so my ex and his girlfriend got married the month before he brought her over to see the kids w/ him for the weekend...

Ev - posted on 07/25/2016

7,952

7

918

Well, that is the thing with having kids with someone and no longer being with them. When dad has his time with the child you can not tell him who he can have or not have around the child. Unless you can prove they are a danger to the child, you can not stop it. My ex had a lot of girlfriends from the start of our divorce if not before that and I did not know until my daughter hinted at it after he and I divorced. That woman decided to take our kids with his permission to church and he had not known her that long. I did not know her and I had not met her. The next time I saw him, I told him that she had no rights to be taking our kids places especially since she did not know our kids well enough for me to be comfortable for her to take them places. I told him if he had a weekend he had to work, I would take them instead. I said unless she was going to marry him or was a relative, she had no rights to care for our kids on her own.

As for interfering with him? THat is something you have to deal with if it comes. You will be surprised that a lot of times the GF is not that bad nor is a step mom. It just depends on the person and how you handle things.

Ev - posted on 07/25/2016

7,952

7

918

As far as the car seat is concerened: You are not paranoid. It is state law in all states that a child has to be in one until certain age/weight. IF he does it again, call the cops and report him, his car, license on the car and tell them he is transporting the child without a car seat. Also, Miss is right, you should be allowed to at least get your stuff and the baby's stuff back.

As for sharing responsiblity of co-parenting, take him to court and set up custody, child support and visitation. If he does nothing while having the child in his care for the child and the GF is doing it--at least your child is being tended and watched. You can not dictate what dad does on his time.

What did you mean you are sharing a son with someone you know hardly a thing about? Is that dad or GF?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

8 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 07/25/2016

127

0

10

A good girlfriend wouldn'tve let your ex drive anywhere with your son not in a car seat! A good girlfriend would've called the cops on him for putting his child in danger. You should've just called the cops! As for the other stuff it's her job to make sure he's caring for his kid. As in cooking cleaning ect

Ker - posted on 07/25/2016

4

0

1

Hi Ev Witt. Thank you for your feedback. I meant the gf. Ive lived with him for 7 years. I basically knew all his friends and coworkers. Three days after our split he has her around our child and in the house. It would be satisfying to at least know the background of the individual. It's scary to know that she would be around my child. Its really hard enough to come to terms about the separation. What if she interferes with him?

Dove - posted on 07/25/2016

11,897

0

1350

Definitely get a lawyer NOW. A judge might rule that you have to provide the car seat... or a judge might rule that the father has to provide a car seat, but the judge WILL rule that the child can not be transported unless there is a proper car seat.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms