How to cope with my 11 year old son's behavior

Ashley - posted on 10/24/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son just turned 11 years old in Feb. of this year and I have noticed that his behavior has changed somewhat. He gets an attitude towards me whenever I ask a simple question or ask him to do something. I don't know if it's just a phase he's going through or if it could be something more serious. I need some advice! Thank you

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Kirsty - posted on 10/25/2016

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Hi ..when you have a moment with him either at homework time or tea time or just sitting on sofa watching tele ..ask him about school etc ..I found my daughter changed around this time also attitude comes with trauma something kids have felt or witnessed ..talking helps maybe bullying or worrying about something else ..it could even be about his body ..lots of things can be reason but try and put yourself in his shoes and be calm and patient bringing it up will make him tell you what's bothering him ..remind him you use to be a kid too ..hope that helps.

Dove - posted on 10/25/2016

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In addition to the excellent advice already I would like to add something that helped when my daughters were going through this phase (my son is still 8... so no clue how it will work w/ him). At the very first sign of attitude before it got out of hand I would give them the option to just go and chill out in their room... listen to music, read, draw, do a puzzle... whatever calming activity they felt like doing. We headed off many issues that way and they soon learned to recognize when they couldn't handle being around people and sent themselves off to chill on their own. 'I' have actually had very few issues w/ them, but having two at the same age at the same time... they used to have a lot of issues w/ each other and still do have issues w/ their little brother. lol

Jodi - posted on 10/25/2016

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I just want to add....when he DOES act respectfully (without prompting), reward him with a thank you for being respectful. Kids also need positive reinforcement - this helps them understand which behaviours you are wanting from them. I know it seems obvious to us what is respectful and how we should act, but unless we explicitly model and teach it to our children, then we can't expect them to know.

Michelle - posted on 10/25/2016

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I agree with Jodi. I am dealing with 2 of them with attitude. They know it's not acceptable in this house so the grunts are few and far between but I make sure they know when they are going off track.

Jodi - posted on 10/25/2016

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Hormones. He is entering puberty and there are probably some things going on with his body that he is trying to make sense of. A phase? Kind of. The teenage years (and pre-teen) are bumpy roads. If you don't nip the attitude in the bud now, you will continue to see it on a regular basis. You need to make it clear to him that this attitude is not acceptable, no matter what the reason. Be consistent about it, have consequences. There is absolutely no excuse for treating anyone with lack of respect.

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