How to correct my child?

Danelle - posted on 11/10/2011 ( 236 moms have responded )

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I have recently taken in my 1 year old nephew and I am having trouble getting him to listen. I realize he is only a baby but I cannot get him to listen. He laughs at me when I tell him no and when I smack his hands. We have tried everything so now I am at a lost.

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Amy - posted on 11/10/2011

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Stop smaking him he's only 1. At this age redirection works best and baby proofing. You don't say what he's doing but if he's getting into stuff he should invest in baby gates, and baby proof the rooms he's going to be spending the most time in. If he does get a hold of something you don't want him to have distract him with another object or toy that he can have. If you hit him he's going to think it's ok and he's going to start hitting you back when you do something he doesn't want you to do.

Kellie - posted on 11/10/2011

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He is a completely normal one year old behaving as 1 year olds do. My daughter tells me yes and laughs at me too when I tell her no (she'll be one in just under 2 weeks). You continue to say no and remove/distract/deter him from whatever it is your not wanting him to do.

Your right he is a baby, he has next to no impulse control and is extremely curious and starting to test his boundaries. Please don't hit him, especially as he is so little it will have no effect whatsoever in stopping him 'playing', but it may have a detrimental effect on his psyche.

At this age it is ALL about repetition. Repetition, repetition, repetition. You say No, you move him away. He goes back, you say No and move him away. You do this as many times as you need to. Distract and repeat.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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Carly, that is a very dangerous statement to make "the ones that do smack tend to have better behaved children as they get a little older"



That may be YOUR experience, but it does not justify smacking, spanking, hitting etc. There are better options out there, and plenty of resources.

Carly - posted on 11/10/2011

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There is nothing wrong with giving him a little smack on the hand... My little boy was exactly the same and I would do as you have done, you are at least giving him some guidelines and discipline and he will eventually learn what is expected of him and what is acceptable behaviour, but consistency is the key you have to keep saying no to the same thing over and over and over again which is a little boring but they do learn.

Everyone has their own ideas on discipline people choose to smack or not to smack. I am a smacker, I do not beat the crap out of my child a little tap of the bum or hand will not harm him and he knows what is expected of him, I also hardly ever have to smack him anymore because he knows to listen.

All I have to compare this against is my friends that do and don't smack and the ones that do smack tend to have better behaved children as they get a little older. But, like I said it is ALL personal choice.

I take my hat off to you for taking in someone elses child and possibly giving them a better life than they might have had elsewhere - especially a 1 year old would be difficult, and I wish you all the best.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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Well, hitting is not going to be the way to get him to listen to you, nor is it going to teach him that hitting is wrong.....Try distraction. Play with him a lot. Get him to WANT to be with you, and then he may want to start listening. He is 1. He really doesn't understand boundaries. Repetition will help.

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Rose - posted on 11/21/2011

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I would work on time-out, you just may ask how you give a 21mo. old a time-out, I used a pack'n'play, playpen or crib, but, that old he can look at the door, corner or wall for 1.5-2 minutes. The rule is 1 minute per year of age. If he will not stay in time-out it's up to you to stand there with him. When he's out of time-out talk to him about why he was there. I also follow the 3 chances rule. Also the other ladies offered some good ideas.

Karen - posted on 11/21/2011

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try introducing time out. and if this fails take things away till he does as he is asked. also reward gis good behaviour etc with a sticker chart. my daughter was a nightmare the day she hit 2. and the time out and star chart worked a treat. as they will get rewarded. always over praise the good things he does. it may seem a little over the top but this will see a better soloutiin than.smacking. as this child has been seperated from his parents.for what ever reason and a big credit to.you for taking him on. he is proberly confused and wondering what is going.on. hope this helps you. x

Kyleigh - posted on 11/21/2011

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IMO I wouldnt "smack" a childs hands arms for any reason, he is learning and i just say to my DD 21 months in a "mom tone" no no no - dont do that sweetie...again this is IMO only. but try working with him andsit down with him with a toy and get him started on that certain toy, my DD loves to draw with a crayon since her 1st birthday! I agree talk to your doctor about this issue very well could be a hearing issue? Hope this helps

Susan - posted on 11/21/2011

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Hi
I am a substitute teacher
please consult your local School system and your Doctor . Check for a hearing loss-Susan Ill

[deleted account]

My God, does not command me to beat anyone, especially my child. It does indicate to teach and discipline. Discipline is derived from the word disciple, meaning a student of truth. We TEACH. Do you know how many times the King James Version of the Bible has been re-translated from many different languages? It is a linguistics issue and a painful one. Perhaps have a conversation with you Priest on this subject, so you can teach your children the truth.

Jesus didn't beat his disciples to teach them, in fact that was one of the things he strictly opposed.

Melody - posted on 11/21/2011

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Actually the BIBLE teaches us that sparing the rod is spoiling the child but society and its wrongful uncontrollable anger has taught us spanking is wrong. God has the final say in the end whether you believe in him or not it

[deleted account]

Dear Posters: Who has animals? Do you spank a horse to train it? A Bird, a Cat, a dog, or any other pet? Even animals teach their young, and at most growl and chastise, hold them in their mouth, or pick them up and move them away from the concern. I've never seen a Mare kick her own baby until adulthood. Never. Most people who raise animals or train animals know that it doesn't work, and always creates some problem down the road. Maybe a tap on a nose, or a firm stance, but spanking doesn't WORK FOR ANY LIVING THING, ESPECIALLY FOR A HUMAN! It will teach out of fear, not understanding. Human's are much smarter, yet we still insist that aggression is the answer to getting what we want as a society. Pay attention! Our world is screwed up from this insane rational; and attitudes that it happened to me and I am okay. You don't know your ok, you just don't know any other way to live or deal with certain situations. Wake up and look around, aggression is vile, especially to a brand new person with a clean slate. If you have issues with your children, its probably you, only sometimes is it medical, and that too is still up to you. Be responsible, your teaching a person how to become a human, if that is too hard or inconvenient at the time, please stop breeding! True you may not be a violent person or even aggressive. But being hit is humiliating, frightening, and teaches a little mind that its ok to feel that way, its even deserved. Tell me. How many people's self esteem these days is really truly solid? How confident are you today compared to childhood? Why do you think that is?

Tammy - posted on 11/21/2011

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Well, I raised my Niece and Nephew as I did my 3 sons when they were with me. So when they were with me, they KNEW MY rules, and I never had too much trouble, not til the adults around him started to be diff. towards him and his threats. but thats a diff. story.
If you stick to it, and they know the diff. between you and his parents, he'll respect your rules and you, in the end. My Niece is so very close to me. She is 19 now and has several times thanked me for being who I am in her life.
Just depends on if they know and understand that it's whats best for them, and you.

[deleted account]

Your right he is only one, and he is still learning what no means. I think if you take his hands gently and say no while removing the temptation or distracting him, you will have results in time. They have to learn what something means before they can respond appropriately. Children are not pets, and will not respond to any parent perfectly, ever. Discipline comes in when you know they understand and still won't listen. Relax, he laughs because he is happy and that is a good thing, you don't want your baby afraid of you.

Cherie - posted on 11/21/2011

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I have heard about not using the word, 'no'. I have one child that learns by example and the other that's abit more stubborn (like me) and will not learn till he gets punished and sometimes that doesn't work.

Mary - posted on 11/21/2011

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Good luck it is a lost cause if he is going back home . A waste of time . But if he is stayin with you it is a different story . You have to stay with it and let him know who is boss . This is a different experience for him he has never had to mind or pay attention before it is the same story with our grandson . I dont bother to try with him because he always goes home in the end . I make my husband stay home from work and help with him when we have to keep him which is not very often . Stay with it the child just dont know what you want . You need to be loving and kind but firm and let him know who is boss .

Tammy - posted on 11/21/2011

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Don't use the word "NO!"
That's the one thing I say to new Mother's.
NEVER use the word "NO!"
It's hard sometimes, but say things like...
Not for you!
Don't do that!
Don't touch!
and so on. It'll take some time for you to come up with the replacement words your going to use, but it is worth it in the end.
My reason for this is...the soft spot in their head begin's to close once they start to say that word. I say that's when they are becoming closed minded. When the "real" trouble starts. Be aware of the influence around them, also. Another thing I always say...they know no wrong until it's taught to them!
Best of luck to you and yours,
Ciao T

Cherie - posted on 11/21/2011

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Danelle,
Physical discipline is of course a personal choice as mentioned in previous responses. The type of discipline depends on each child, every child learns differently. I agree with some of the other ladies who suggested redirecting a child at that young age. Personally the only time I tapped my boys hands or butts is when they were about to touch a light outlet or run into the street. Repition and consistancy is your bestfriend. I have one that is outright tough and says,'no' sometimes and nudges his brothersometimes for no reason. Spoke to a child Psych and she said, he has an inferiority complex. Now my goal is to try to figure out the proper discipline for him. My other boy will sometimes laugh out loud in my face after explaining to him why he is going to time out and bringing him back and explaining why he was there (he laughs). This is VERY frustrating. Not sure as to why he is doing this. I was told he laughs becaquse he sees Iam frustrated (his actions get a reaction from me). I know I have to learn to deal with him without letting him see me get upset. Not easy for me, still working on it. Read books and keep seeking for what works for this child. Oh and my boys are 3 1/2, yes twins and they are fraternal.
Signed, Single Mom

Melissa - posted on 11/21/2011

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At one he is best disciplined by distracting him and giving him something that is ok with you for him to do while saying no to his undesired activity

Kristina - posted on 11/21/2011

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I am a mom of 3rd young ones...I have found that timeout can be effective. At this age, just placing him in his room away from what he is doing might be effective. Dont take him in there and show him his toys, as that would not make time out as effective. Sometimes a pop on the butt can be necessary and then placing him in his room. With my boys ages 3 and 5, I found that only spanking was also getting me nowhere. Time out seems more effective, but I also mix with a pop on the butt as well, depending on what theyve done. I did have a problem with hitting when all I was using was spanking. Since using more time out than spanking, I no longer have that problem. When puttimg him in time out, explain to him in a way he can understand, why. he will get the point. Also, giving him the opportunity to correct his own actions helps. I count to 3 before I dicipline. He cant count now, but he will catch on faster than you think. Try picking up a copy of 1-2-3 magic, it will really help!

Mary - posted on 11/21/2011

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I agree with Amy..stop smacking him..he is a baby and if you can't handle the regular stress of child rearing then you shouldn't be taking in others children...so you can be abusive to them? Take parenting classes and calm down. Stop smacking children.

Mary - posted on 11/21/2011

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Carly and Amanda sound like they are abusive...stop frikin smacking babies..how about someone smacks you? Ignorant

Miriam - posted on 11/21/2011

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distraction was definitely my favorite at that age. I didn't even attempt to get him to "listen". When you say "listen" you mean "obey" and that's a pretty difficult thing for a 1 year old to understand. My son had a harder time than most because he has autism. Still, with patience, repetition and loving guidance he has grown and matured and is a sweet and loving child. He does chores around the house without a fight.



School is harder because the rules are different and the people are new because he's in a new school and even so he's done very well.



For really important things like safety issues, hitting people or damaging property I didn't give warnings and I didn't try to reason. I just picked him up and moved him. If he was having a tantrum in public I would just pick up and leave and go to the car. When he was 3 we went on a walk around the neighborhood and he went into the street. I picked him up out of the street and he did it again so I took him home. He was screaming like crazy. I told him I was going to be busy in the kitchen and left him on the floor. He did that for a good long while. Then when he sounded calm I asked him if he wanted a drink of water. He had some water and was happy again. Then I asked him if he wanted to try going for a walk again only without going in the street and he said he did. Then he was great and never did that again.



If injury or property damage or even hurt feelings were likely then I would remove my son from the situation. I ignored a lot of other stuff.



Miriam

Angela - posted on 11/21/2011

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Hi, Im not sure why you are smacking a one year old???? I have a very checky one year old who has suffered absolutely zero abuse and is perfectly normal - at this age they have no impulse control so saying no doesnt really do much (not a bad habit to start to try and establish as long as its not overused but no point relying on it) distraction is the key at this age - I dont know if you have children of your own but you have taken in a child without the prelude of watching him grow and develop so it is difficult for you to know what the limits are and what is normal - I suggest signing up for some parenting classes or joining up with a local coffee group/playcenter/or other organisation where you can learn from parents of other children of this age - It can be reassuring to see other babies behaving in the same way - instead of coming down hard on this baby - enjoy him being a baby - it doesnt last very long!

DeeDee - posted on 11/21/2011

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Sounds like you are doing what I would do. Unless you haven't done timeouts. My eldest is really smart and baby proofing never lasted long but he listened pretty well when we told him no. My second is just a pain. Baby proof didnt work with him for long either and he still doesn't listen to me. Drives me bonkers. The second is two now and I had to realize that I was giving too many warnings before doing something about his actions more than telling him no. Busy with baby number three I have been otherwise occupied and can't always reach my troublemaker.
So I suggest 1 maybe 2 warnings then timeouts, because if he knows he can get away with stuff after you've warned him then he will keep going. Best of luck to ya. :)

[deleted account]

First of all, there are probably some emotional issues that are invivoled with this. If he is being moved from his parents to an aunt as a caregiver, he will need time to work it all out in his little head. Lead by example, redirect and try to manage your own stress in the situation. Give him security and love and try to understand that all persons involved have been "disrupted" to an extent.

Libby - posted on 11/21/2011

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Sounds like the little boy is looking for more postitive attention...maybe sit down on the floor, at his level & get his perspective of things & just play together...yah, hitting might work in the moment, but later on, when they're older & start hitting other kids on the playground ,then you just end up with more issues to resolve..The baby sounds like a character...at least he can laugh...some adults can't even do that today! ~Peace

Darci - posted on 11/21/2011

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This behavior is very common with children who have prenatal substance abuse. First of all I would recommend a complete hearing evaluation to rule a hearing problem. Then I would make sure that you give him a very scheduled routine that he knows what to expect. If he does come from a fetal alchohol or drug prenatal experience, he may not be able to measure pain. I would seek help from Early Childhood Intervention program in your area or an evaluation from the local Children's hospital for guidance.

Ashley - posted on 11/21/2011

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Also baby gates are not a cure all. My son has figured out how to either open them, climb them, or tear them down. He also figured out the cabinet locks in a week and took the door handle locks off before he could even open doors.

Ashley - posted on 11/21/2011

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Let's face facts sometimes what their doing is dangerous and could result in them getting hurt, id rather smack his hand than have him burn it or electricute himself. You can only baby proof so much. My sone is 15 months and totally understands the words we tell him but doesn't listen. Lately we have tried praising him (cheering and clapping) when he listens! I've noticed that now when he does what we say he laughs and claps for himself. Its really helped. Don't feel bad about little hand slaps, my mom always did it and my brother and I are not screwed up for life or violent. Good luck!

Terri Lynn - posted on 11/21/2011

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Never hit a child. This teaches the child that it is okay to hit others and is one of the causes of violence. Would you want another adult to hit you to get you to do what they want? This child is a baby. If you don't want for him to get into something, say NO and then put him where he cannot. This is what baby gates are for. Move things out of his reach that are not okay to touch. At one, he does not understand like an older child or an adult would. It is never okay to hit a child any more than you would want to be hit yourself by another adult. Kids this age are delightful but it can be exhausting.

[deleted account]

We invested in a book called 1-2-3 Magic. It worked like Magic. The concept is simple, the execution takes some discipline from the adults but it worked for us. The author is Dr. Thomas Phelan, and we had tried everything before we had done this book. The "program" requires patience and consistency, but it worked for us.

Teri - posted on 11/21/2011

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all normal behavior - I'd invest in some child development books so you know what is normal vs what is misbehavior. there will bemuch more of this stuff.

Keri - posted on 11/21/2011

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@ Rebecca She isn't hitting him in a way that is harmful, smacking is discipline not beating, BIG difference. AND for those of you who read the OP then NOTHING else, my advice...do so...she replied he is not a "baby" he is 21 months old, almost 2. Among soooo many other things...and how is getting a dog gonna help??? seriously? Give GOOD advice or step away from the computer. To: OP as many other moms suggested consistency is key. If it is not ok to do a certain behavior it is NEVER ok to do it. I would reserve the "no" for dangerous activity that way he can learn No, means danger or you can use the word "Danger" itself. But He will continue to try and push your buttons, thats what kids do, just try different things to see which one agrees for the both of you. Different kids need different approaches. Sometimes "time-outs" work, sometimes smacking, sometimes just saying No or whatever word you use in a firm way works as well. Good Luck to you and good job for taking him in!

Tammy - posted on 11/21/2011

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Have you tried time out .. sit him in a chair .. or bring in an umbrella stroller.. this is what i do .. and i strap my 2 yr old in .. and he sits there in time out .. cause if i dont strap him in he just get up over and over.. so instead of spending an hour trying to make him sit .. it solves one prob lol.. so try that as time out since he is still lil its not child abuse ..

Dee - posted on 11/21/2011

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Realize this child has been through a traumatic event. You need to use positive discipline. For example instead of smacking his hands redirect him to something he can play with. When he starts playing with his stuff praise his behavior. All children want to please those around them. In other words instead of telling him what he can't do, tell him what he can do.

Alana - posted on 11/21/2011

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With my son redirecting worked - dieecting him to another activity, or removing him and putting him a spot for "quiet time" and then when he was ready to listen he could join us again

[deleted account]

Hi Danelle,
I totally hear you, it can be so frustrating, and we need to be very patience, because like everything it is a phase...
One of my son's teacher taught me a wonderful way to teach kids what NOT to do, NO is very frustrating, hearing NO so many times along the day put him in a very frustrating place where he doesn't know what to do with it. Try to show him how to do it the right way and he will be less upset and so do yo, so for example instead of saying: Don't throw toys in the air, say: we play with toys - and show how we do it,
or: we eat food we don't play with it.
There are few things that are strict NO and those are the dangerous things and instead of using the word NO I say again and again this is dangerous!!! electricity is dangerous. walking without holding my hand when we cross the street is dangerous...
Last - remember he is JUST 12 months old. He is just curious and study the world.
good luck :-)

[deleted account]

With young children, I would take a proactive approach. That means keeping things out of reach that you don't want him to touch or play with. It means not taking him out in public if he's tired or hungry. At 1 year old, you should also be redirecting him rather than saying no. My daughter is 3.5 and she responds more to positive reinforcement rather than negative. If I point out on a consistent basis all of the negative things she is doing, why would she want to do anything positive. If I praise her and give her lots of attention when she is doing something positive, she is more likely to keep up that positive behavior.

Joyi - posted on 11/21/2011

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Danelle, I empathize and sympathize ... I also took in a nephew who was one. It can be extra tough to become a parent when you have little to no experience. It is so much easier when you have built up a relationship since birth. Since taking in my nephew - who is now almost 16, I have had two children of my own - my youngest is 2 and a climber, practical joker, hard-headed, etc... Here are my personal thoughts and suggestions.



What to keep in mind about your nephew: 1 – A one-year-old is just starting to figure out that they exist outside of the people around them as opposed to being simply extensions. Their minds are just starting to conceptualize that they are independent; plus they are beginning to be LOTS more mobile – so those two things together will naturally lead to them trying to figure out what they can do or not do (AKA – They get into everything!) 2 – A one-year-old is a mini-genius / engineer / scientist. They are in a constant state of testing, learning and soaking up. The one-year-old brain thinks not at all as an adult brain thinks. For example: We see a child throwing a fork full of food onto our fresh, clean floor and the child sees his very own arm, throwing a fork – not attached to his own body btw, full of food (not attached to fork or body) onto the shiny floor… (why does it always go down?) and splat!! – oh, and look! That grown-up seems to react to my cool experiment of gravity… by paying attention to me, making funny faces and lots of noise… wonder if this is a fluke or if this happens like this every time – going to have to try this again, soon… oh, look a shiny bobble… A one-year-old has no concept of intent and is unable to formulate a full idea, yet. By the same token, they are unable to grasp the idea of danger or regulate their own impulses. A one-year-old simply acts in the moment – period. Toddlers are in what I call the “Pavlov’s Dogs stage.” Pretty much everything they learn at this age is learned in terms of if X happens then Y happens. 3 – To be ignored and anything except the center of attention is the complete bane of a toddler's existence.



Keeping the above in mind; your first step in discipline is to avoid / distract. Give your nephew a safe area to play or block off areas that are dangerous. Baby gates are expensive and worth every penny! Look on Craig’s List or whatever for used ones, because kids will outgrow them by three or in the case of a climber – much sooner. Use physical and visual boundaries, locks, baby-proofing, ect… to keep your nephew safe while he explores. Taking care of what you are able to on the safety end will allow your nephew to explore (which he is going to do anyway – he is hardwired to) without you feeling like you need to be getting onto him all the time. Use distraction to steer your nephew away from things he should not be getting into if you are unable to make those things inaccessible.



The second step is to keep in mind that your nephew has a heck of a lot going on in his little world right now and sometimes he is going to be frustrated and / or confused. Very often they will do things that will just irritate the fire out of you, but it is something they are doing in effort to figure out the world around them and how it works… or how they work in it. As hard as it can be, try to not react… even if you cannot see the logic of the one-year-old; try and give them the benefit of the doubt. Mimic their most irritating behaviors – such as throwing food – in a more acceptable way; by taking them outside to throw a ball. Try to give them the answers they are searching for, but on your terms. It will not ever be as easy to do as it is to say – but trying to figure out what they are trying to figure out will bring you closer to your nephew emotionally and help you to be “in tune” with each other. That bit of understanding will also help with discipline.



The third step is to use the child’s need to be the center of attention as your main tool in discipline. Expect some confusion for the first few days... he will be taking it in and testing. The key is that you remain constant - BIG praise for good behavior and complete non-reaction (which to a one-year-old is worse than negative attention) for poor behavior. Non reaction includes removing him from the action - but doing so without emotion on your part. At one, time out is a good place to start... Our time-out spot is in the hall, where he can be removed from the family interaction, and any attempts by your nephew to get attention should be ignored. At one, I let my son come out on his own, but repeated behavior sent him right back to time out.



One day we had a battle of wills over him getting his diaper changed without throwing a big fat fit... no joke, the first day I spent no less than four hours of him needing to be changed, me going to change him, him throwing a tantrum, me picking him up and setting him in time out and walking away... rinse and repeat - - I thought he was never going to get it! I didn't give up or give in... the next day, we did the whole thing over again for about an hour... within a week, the diaper tantrums had ended! I was pretty amazed. Our other big battle was when we went out to eat, he became THAT KID that would make other diners wish we would leave. So, time-out continued and was either outside - I would sit him against a wall and turn my back or in the lobby - if the eatery had double doors. I would ignore him, until he stopped crying, we would go in, and if he took the lid off his cup or started crying or whatever - then we would start all over again. Once again, the first day was the worst and might I suggest beginning this lesson during the diner’s least busy hours and when you are not actually hungry as you will spend most of your meal supervising time-out. Stick with it, though, and you will end up with a very well behaved child when you go out to dinner. You will likely get nasty looks from people – generally younger; older folks will tend to give you a look of understanding or a wry smile of “been there, done that.” Just keep your chin up and do what YOU KNOW is right for your nephew… which leads to the fourth and most important rule of discipline.



Know yourself and your own limits and learn to read your nephew and his limits. Trust yourself and trust your nephew to clue you in. Even experienced parents have to learn their children’s cues… it took me forever to figure out that my youngest gets giggly and goofy when he is tired – when he starts being a goofball, that is my cue to start calming things down and turning off the lights. If I do not do that, then what follows is an over-tired, super cranky, toddler that is NOT going to go to sleep. I have also learned that if I do not get enough sleep, that my kids pick up on my irritated mood and they seem to make it a point to be extra irritating and moody. AND I have learned that someone will always be ready and waiting to criticize your parenting style – especially in taking in your nephew. Learn to ignore strangers and to take advise from those who mean well ONLY WHEN YOU feel in your gut that the advise will actually help you with your nephew. It is okay if you screw up – we all do it. If there is a parent out there who hasn’t lost it – I have never met them or they are still a brand new parent. Learn to know your limits and allow yourself to put your nephew in a safe place and you go take a breather. You cannot expect perfection, because the perfect person / parent / child simply does not exist. You can expect for yourself to be open and willing to learn and that you will always do your best and when you know better, you will continue to do better.



My last suggestion - which I have learned with my youngest - who would often laugh when I was being serious, was that I was sending mixed signals. He would confuse me playing with him and me being serious. I have adopted a very specific tone of voice and demeanor for correction / punishment. I used my “Mommy Voice” with the other children also, but with my youngest – I very purposely use that tone for correction and only for correction so that he does not confuse my intent.



Good luck to you! And if it helps, my nephew is now 16 and went back to his mom at 5; but he still is crazy close to my husband and I and he never lets us forget how much we mean to him. It was so hard, but in the end it was worth it! Hard, but worth it.

Jodi - posted on 11/21/2011

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Consistent actions day in and day out ..listening is a learned trait..you will have to tell him no so many times your head will spin...his mind is still devoping . You have to have the same responce to him everytime. Hope tis helps,

Cheryl - posted on 11/21/2011

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I am amazed today at the mothers today who continually say He is not listening. The word ladies is obeying. " Little Susie, you're not being a good listener" Of course she is. She is not obeying. Moms. learn the correct term. Obedience is what we are looking for here not listening. Age 1 is not too young to start obedience. When you only change their focus, you have not taught obedience. Who's in charge?

Celia - posted on 11/21/2011

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He's 1. He exploring. I am someone who does agree with spanking and hand smacking if the situation truly calls for it such as a dangerous situation. But it's simply going to take consistency to get him to understand. Time outs are a preferred method of punishment (just recently finished a parenting class) but smacking and spanking are not ruled out in extreme cases. But at 1, you just have to understand that everything is interesting to him and he wants to learn what it is. Getting angry and punishing him is going to make him think it's wrong to explore. All things that are truly no nos should be out of reach. Another option is to allow him to touch and explore an item and explain to him that this item will be off limits from now on. This gives him the opportunity to explore the item and learn from it and then be given the boundary to not touch again. I had heard about this option in my parenting class out of our books. I hope this helps.

Ann - posted on 11/21/2011

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Do not be physical with him. Not any age. My biggest advice is to be consistent with your verbal instructions and consequences. I found that time out worked in helping us both calm down and also giving the child a chance to correct the behavior by counting to 1..2..3. On three he goes to time out. Also put the discipline in a way that it is his choice...you can pick up your shoes or you can sit in time out. Your choice.

Candy - posted on 11/21/2011

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Danelle- I have read some good advice. Your situation is special in that you are both adjusting to changes. First point of advice- be consistent. I found 1-2-3 warnings for behavior worked for my boys most of the time at this age. This gives him the chance to correct his behavior-this is for things that would not pose immediate safety concern. I use timeouts as a means for them to think about what they did and why they need to stop. Key points for timeouts-tell them why they are getting timeout when you sit them down,how long it will be, set timer. When time is done- until he talks well you will have to repeat why he is in timeout and WHY it is not ok to do it. Kids find rules easier to follow if they know WHY. As he get older-ask him why he is in timeout. Finally- have him confirm he will stop-nodding his head/yes,etc. At 1, they don't remember rules very long that is why being consistent reinforces rules in memory. They are right about making sure there is lots of love/hugs/etc. Make special time with him and acknowlege when he follow rules or requests-Good Job-thank you for picking up your toy the first time I asked. Kids loves praise. Hope this helps!!

Angela - posted on 11/21/2011

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I agree about the NO smacking! It is proven that it is a temporary solution...at one redirection is the best thing and ofcourse babyproofing. Repetition is the key, smacking will do nothing...he might stop outof fear for now. Please consider he is a BABY....What happens when he's older and starts hitting you? For both my children, I used redirection till about two and then started using time outs and it works....never needed to slap or hit. I wouldnt have the heart. Remember the bigger the tantrum the morelove they need.

Gabrielle - posted on 11/21/2011

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I just have one more thing to say, Thank You for taking your nephew into your home! You can do this! BTW some of the women who have replied to this thread have been helpful to MOI, but I think Shery or Sharonl Korat on Page 8 hit the nail on the head! She gave some great advice and I for one am taking it. Good Luck to you and if you're wondeering, my son is 15 months old and I'm in the same boat.

Jenna - posted on 11/21/2011

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First off I would like to say you are a good person for taking on your nephew to give him a better life. It's going to be frustrating at times, but in the long run its so worth it. I found that the time out corner works wonders. I tried it all and even at 1 it works. For a 1 year old for one minute feels like a lifetime. But after the minute you have to get down so you are eye level and tell him you love him but he has to listen to what you tell him. After three kids, and alot of trying different techniques I find this works the best for my most stubborn 3 year old. She knows no matter where we go there's always a corner. Oh and repeat the corner for 1 minute if he wonders out and runs out laughing. That's what I got the first time and plus it gives you a minute to calm down.

Whitney - posted on 11/21/2011

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He sounds much too young to be able to understand and be expected to listen or be obedient. This is completely normal behavior for a one year old. You may need to remove some things and child proof a bit better until he's old enough to listen (more like 2)....and even then don't expect obedience outright. Everything is a game at this age so he is going to laugh. Also, unless he's in danger, I would hold back on smacking his hand so much. It's one thing if he's going for the outlet and knows how to get the child plug out....another if he's reaching for your jewelry that you left out on his level. Redirection is the best strategy at this age. Also, if you're new to parenting (especially since its not your own child so there's no natural bond) I would recommend reading a few parenting books that are age- appropriate - my biggest help was the What to Expect series (with a baby, a toddler)...Good luck! :)

Francine - posted on 11/21/2011

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I don't believe a smack on the hand will be detrimental to him, but it can't be over-used either because it will loose it's meaning. I try to save a smack on the hand or a pat on the bum when it's something that they are doing that could seriously hurt them or others. I've had 3, 1 year olds and what you are describing is normal. There has to be some toddler "proofing" happening to make sure he doesn't get hurt nor break anything that is valuable to to you. Once you've eliminated those things from his reach, then you have to emulate the right behavior. If he's hitting the family cat say, show him how you pet the cat and say "gentle" or something like that and then take his hand and do the same thing. And like someone else said, repetition is key with toddlers. The cat was an example, not sure what your situation is but you can apply the same principle. And be firm, when you want to teach him something is wrong, use a firm tone in your voice and make eye contact. If you have to place him in his crib or a playpen for a minute, do so, that's a safe place for a "time out". Don't over explain things either, but use simple, clear phrases, like' "We don't hit". Over time he'll get it. And never feel that your efforts are in vain. If you're consistent and you set the boundaries, he'll get it and then he'll be on to the next phase for you to figure out! lol... Good luck hon, and God Bless you!

Irene - posted on 11/21/2011

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Try to see things from his perspective think about why you have taken him into your home , try to imagine you are a 1 year old boy who has just moved in with his aunt no mum around 100% of the time, think about what he I'd used to, role models in his life is this what he has learned this baby has just been through a massive change and wod not understand what is going on. Try less consequences more cuddles, praise immediately when he is doing the right thing but ignore the things that you regard as naughty and see just how quickly he responds you will be surprised how much he will try to do good things just to gain time with you. Try keeping all praise verbal with physical touch hugs pats on the back with a well done or good job rather than giving items as time in with you wl mean more than rewards of toys etc. Enjoy time with your baby get to know each other and good luck love this little one with all your heart he will love you back

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