How to deal with a controlling step mother in law & passive father in law

Liz - posted on 11/16/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

6

0

2

Hello Ladies, I am currently seeking advice on how to deal with this difficult situation.

Here are just a few things going on :
My husband always sides with her over me
They are unsanitary but my husband wants to go visit
His step mom feels the need to parent
and many more things to add.

9 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/19/2013

13,264

21

2015

I'd like some feedback from the OP, clarifying what she's been asked to clarify.

Shanice - posted on 11/19/2013

4

0

0

Ehhhh.... I am dealing with the same thing... What I do is don't visit their house as much and I even had to put his mom in her place once and things got a little better but it will never change.... Just have to cope as much as you can! Good luck

[deleted account]

It is always hard when your husband side with someone else (no matter who that person is) instead of you. Examine your feelings. Make sure you are not picking on her and she is truly what you think she is. Give her no chance to control your own family and don't let those negative feeling ruin your relationship with your husband.

LalaBoom - posted on 11/18/2013

248

0

41

Sounds like his stepmom is the only "mom" he knows and so this is a typical "momma's boy" scenario. Sidenote: if you refer to them as "his parents" like you did in the previous post, then you can't say she "hasn't really raised" any kids. And to be fair, your kids are not grown, which makes you no more of an expert that she is.

I don't see anything in your post that makes this woman a troublemaker. It wasnt that SHE charged you rent, father allowed it too since he lives there, and thus THEY charged two grown adults for their share of $$ to account for the living arrangements. Also, SHE didn't kick you out. Again, presumably, dad is a part of this household, which means he also allowed it, which means THEY kicked you both out. Idk about the "parenting" part since you offered no example on what she does to "parent" your kids. And the sanitary situation could be just a difference in cleaning habits. My husband is a pig- by my standards. But I'm also anal-retentive and "need" things to be in their place 23/7 lol

You definitely have some hostility with this woman but I can't exactly see the basis of your argument to offer advice on how to "deal" with her :/

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/18/2013

13,264

21

2015

What is he siding on? It makes a difference, you know
How are they 'unsanitary'? Just because they don't clean the same way you do....

Now, since you've confused us...

Who's dogs? Yours or theirs? How does she try to 'parent'? Why did you get upset about being told that you needed to contribute to household expenses when living in their home?

Anita Georgia - posted on 11/18/2013

9

0

3

Wow I guess I missed some of the comments on this situation. I am very new to this and didn't get all the info.Now that I have more info I will change some things I said.First of all I am happy that you are on your own again. RIGHT? And I know when things are not going good between your family and his it can affect everyone around you.Stress is deadly.Mostly for his Dad and his heart.When you spoke of the Dog is it your Dog or theirs? Because it sounded like it was yours.And the Hotel thing I see won't work because you live 30 mins away and money is an issue.I would say really sit down and talk to your husband and say that you need him to stand up for you because that is what people do when they love someone.I know there is going to be many more times that you have to deal with her but every time you argue with her she feeds off of that.Then he needs to talk to her alone and give her some choices or you won't go down at all.It is all about respect!!!!!When my Daughter and boyfriend had to move in They had to pay rent and part lights we felt that if we let them live here rent free how are they ever going to know they can afford to move out and afford to pay rent.I have to keep my mouth closed too with them but I also let them know where I stand.This is our house and they better respect it.Sometimes family is the worst. The way I see it is we raised her the best we could and she is a grownup now and her mistakes are things she has to learn from .We did and still are.Life goes on.Good luck Liz.

Jodi - posted on 11/17/2013

3,562

36

3907

Could you please advise what you mean by "unsanitary"? I just need clarification.

I am also confused as to why you are upset that the woman was charging you for rent and groceries??? Isn't that what you do to grow up children who are old enough to support themselves?

Liz - posted on 11/17/2013

6

0

2

They live 30 mins away from us and when they come over they have to be all about our dog they are extreme animal ppl, don't get me wrong I love animals but I can't have a zoo with 2 kids. Sadly, we wouldn't have the money to do that. I am uncertain on what to do my relationship isn't what it used to be especially now that I'm older, I'm getting to the point where its hard to keep all my feelings inside. The stepmom in law kicked us out when I was about to have our 1st child and threatens to call DHS b/c she feels we are bad parents yet she's never really raised a child. My husbands dad allows this woman to do w/e she wants. She was digging her nails into his arm and taking his money and charging rent and groceries for me and the baby to stay there. Reason my hubby was living with his parents was his dad had suffered a major heart attack before we were married.

Anita Georgia - posted on 11/17/2013

9

0

3

Well if you can afford to stay at a hotel and meet some where to eat. Tell them that you want it to feel like a vacation by doing that and you hope they understand. Well thats if they live out of town that is Lol.Then in that case have them come to your house at least you know how clean everything is.
It is even harder when it is the Step mom.Good luck

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms