How to deal with inlaws?

Tara - posted on 08/20/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have a 2 year old son and things with his family have always been rocky. His mother is a very cold women who puts on a show for ppl. In my family your kids are everything. But in his fam they only care for themselves, My husband had to work for everything he has but yet his sister got everything handed to her, family friends would buy just for his sister nothing for him and this was ok with his mother. I don't get it. I was raised where me and my brother where treated the same I get so mad because I don't think my husband should get treated like this and I know it must be because of me. They always go on that he has changed since meeting me but really we started dating at 15 I guess he would be a different peron at the age of 27 from 15.
Then they could care less for my child, only when ppl are around they put a show on like they are the best grandparent a kid could ask for but when ppl arent around they don't call or even play with him. They are ALWAYS coming out for a visit so I make big meals for then to come out and no show, they make plans to take my son places then you never hear from them again..
Im I nuts for getting mad over these things.??

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Tara - posted on 08/23/2012

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I totally get what your saying, Myself I would want to know if my husband was sleeping around on me.. If she didn't want her kids to have any part of it then she should have dated a man that worked with her son and then brought him to our wedding. We were told that they werent together because when he was first around my husband told his mother that it wasnt ok that he was married and we were told that they weren't together. years later to find out he is still with his wife and they just had a baby who is the same age as our son.

She is to have her own and that's fine but if you don't want the family to have something to say about it then don't bring him around and tell lies. To me my mil is a pig to do as she did and to put her kids in that spot where they know there mother is a home wracking slut.

I would never do that to my child but then again I have standers..

And I just left it with his family when you want to see my child just call and you can make a day. I don't dealing with trash.

Kami - posted on 08/23/2012

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Well everyone is different and everyone cares about different things. Maybe she don't care if her grown up kids meets the man she is dating. And honestly she doesn't have to care. I know people like that. And some people don't care if they date married men or women. Thats her business and her problem. You and your husband should stay out of it. She will get herself into some mess on her own. I'm not saying it is right because its not, but its not you and your husband place to get in her bed. Talking to her about it is one thing. But going to the mans wife is a different story, she is still his mother. Now if it was you cheating and your husband went to the mans wife, then I understand, but again its her business. I personal have a proble with people who date married people, but I don't get involved in other drama. Just take care of your own home.



As for the home visits, you are right for sticking up for yourself. You shouldn't make plans for her until she is on the way. So yes, you have a weird situation, but not difficult. Your mother in law has her own life and her own way of living it. You don't have to like or do it. Just respect her life. Just because her kids is her life, it doesn't mean that they are her whole life. If she was gonna marry the man, then you should expect to meet and spend time with him.

Tara - posted on 08/21/2012

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Thanks it's always to get another persons in put on things. I tried to mae peace with his side because I know it's alot on him and I hate that, All I said was don't tell us your coming over or make plans that you don't want to keep call me when your on your way hey I was going to stop by. I told them this drama needs to stop and all I get from his mother is.. Yes it does but my like I want my private life is my business and I don't want it talked about..
What she is talking about is she was seeing a man that worked with my husband and her and he was married and seeing my mother in law and my husband wasn't ok with it. Then to find out all the shit he was feeding to the family about not being with his wife was lies because he ended up having a son with her while seeing my mil.. So my husband found out about the kid and freaked and called his wife and said he was sleeping with his mother..
And his mother had the nerve to ask him why he was trying to rude lives.. She is sleeping with a married man but it was her son fault..
So I don't now how the whole peace offering is going to go.. I get that you have some private thing but I always thought you would want to have someone in your life that would want to be with your kids aswell.. I thought that your kids are you life and would love to have them apart of it.. With the guy she was seeing that was married he never botherd with us and she was ok with that.. which I don't get because don't you want your bf/gf to know your kids...
Maybe im nuts..l0l

Kami - posted on 08/20/2012

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It's ok to be angry about it, but don't worry about it. I love my inlaws, but I disagree with a lot of the things that they do. You can't change the way they are. When they make plans with you, don't make any life change or cook big dinners until they start showing some actions. Right now your son is still young but when they make plans and don't do them, don't worry about it either. You know what to expect and you can't count on there words. As your son gets older, he will see the real side of them for him self. So always say good thing about them to your son. As for your husband, you can't change the way his family treats hsm. You just treat him right and they won't matter. Good luck and I hope this helps.

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