How to deal with long term cheating

Natory - posted on 09/17/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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We have been together for almost 5 years now and he has pretty much cheated since we first got together, more emotionally just on the internet or using his phone. When I was 8 months pregnant with our first daughter he took off and left me for some girl he had been talking to on and off using his phone for years. I broke and he came back the day I got home from the hospital with our new born. Things were shaky for me for months and I thought things were ok but he was still talking to other girls. Our daughter is gonna be 2 next month and I'm due with our second daughter in December but it still seems like he can't stop hurting me. He says he wants to change and wants to be a better man for us but I just feel like I can't trust him anymore. Its getting worse for me now that I am having nightmares that are causing anxiety and depression because of what happened in the past. I don't know what to do we have been struggling for a long time financially and having to live with family in one room with our daughter. We are hoping to get a house next year but I'm scared that he won't stop. It has hurt me so much especially because of things that have happened in my past. But I don't know why he keeps doing these things to me. I have been doing my best and trying my hardest for all of us but it never seems to be good enough. I am just starting to break again.

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Jodypresta - posted on 09/20/2015

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Like it's said, "We receive the love we think we deserve."
My opinion is that you really need to stop thinking about what he is doing or doing it with and think about you and your babies. Start doing stuff that doesn't include him. He obviously is doing stuff that doesn't include u and his babies. Make your lives fun and exciting and leave his out. I'm not telling you to leave him, but you can start building a fantastic world without him. The more you obsess about him and what he is doing... the more your life will spin out of control. You don't need a guy to give you self worth. You are a mommy and mommy to be and these girls look up to you as you are the best, most interesting, wonderful person in the world. Enjoy that and them. And watch when you start to take steps away from him... he will notice and let him chase you.
That's coming from experience. Good luck to you and your daughters.

Natory - posted on 09/18/2015

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Thanks for all the advice I have a lot to think about, I just hope that I can handle whatever is going to come next.

Sarah - posted on 09/18/2015

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Do you love him or are you more scared of being alone? You are in an abusive relationship. Talking to ad sexting other women on the phone is cheating! Ask yourself; "is this how I want my daughters to be treated by their partners"? Of course not. I get you are scared, but this will not change. I hope he and you have been screened for STDs because if he admits to "talking" to girls,he is likely having sex outside your relationship as well. For your safety, NO unprotected sex.
IMO, you should leave. go to the Dept of Human Services and apply for all of the financial assistance you can get, including child support! Break free, learn to do what you enjoy and when you are on your feet again you can consider looking for a man who treats you the way you want your daughters to be treated. You deserve better

Jodi - posted on 09/18/2015

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Why are you choosing to still deal with it? You need to learn to have the self-respect to recognise that this man is not going to stop. It doesn't sound to me he wants to change. it sounds like he tells YOU he wants to change, but deep down? No. You should never have put up with it this long. Time to walk away, for your own wellbeing.

Amaze - posted on 09/18/2015

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It’s great that you are able to share the struggles you have been facing in your relationship. Had you considered a counseling together? I just wonder if that would give you both an opportunity to get everything out on the table. Praying for you!

Natory - posted on 09/17/2015

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I have done counseling for years because of stuff that happened to me as kid and things I went through as a teenager but it has never helped. I know I have clinical depression, anxiety, and ptsd but have only been treated with counseling. They wanted to put me in a mental institute when I was 16 for attempting suicide. But I have gotten better emotionally in the years since and my kids have helped alot.

Natory - posted on 09/17/2015

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I have tried over and over to end things but its soo hard because I love him more then I have ever loved anyone else in my entire life. I tell him its over and I try to break away but then my heart just breaks and I feel like I lost my whole life and it scares me.

Evelyn - posted on 09/17/2015

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Natory, girl you need to let him go i know its going to be hard because you love him otherwise you wouldn't be having more children with him or taking him back. You already have support from your family by living with them you need to love yourself enough to say you deserve better. Your children deserve better. He may be a good man but hes not good enough for you. Every women deserves to be loved and treated with respect and if this guy of yours is not going to stop for you for your daughter or your second child hes not going to stop for no one. Let him be someones else's problem live for your children do it for them. Most of your days you must be worried what his doing who is he talking to instead you should be focus on whats really important your children. let him go hes been gone you just need to let it be. I hope this helps good luck

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