Katie - posted on 08/15/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )
I couldn't figure out where I should post this, so I've used the welcome page...
My MIL and I have never had a stellar relationship and in the past it has caused grief between my husband and myself. The problem is that MIL is very emotionally unstable and needy and will say and do whatever she can to get support from my husband at my expense (including threatening suicide). We moved very far away from her and since then our marriage has been 100% better and now we are getting ready for the birth of our first child. Problem is that MIL wants to visit when the baby is small (within the first 3 months), stay in our house and have plenty of baby time. I don't feel that I can say no as my mom, sister and brother (all of whom I am very close to and looking forward to seeing) will be visiting during the first 3 months. The difference is that my relatives have stated that they will be here to help me with whatever I tell them I need help with, whereas MIL is coming for her 'baby time'.
1. How long should we let her stay for? The flight to where we live is long - over 10 hours. I was thinking of 10 days, but every time I think of 10 straight days with MIL in the house while I am trying to get used to being a mother it does my head in!
2. What can I do ahead of time to make sure things go as smoothly as possible? MIL has already done and said a lot of things to let me know that she is not going to be helpful or supportive of my parenting choices. I am torn between having a set of rules that I know she will break and will drive me insane but give me proper reasons to tell her to back off, or just doing whatever I can to ignore her jibes and ride out the 10 days.
3. What can I do to keep my marriage strong despite this woman? She is manipulative of my husband and likes to complain about how much of a bitch I am to him privately. She has even made up things that I have said to her in order to instill doubt in his mind. We have made up so much ground in the time we have been away from her and I am scared that having her around again, even for a short time, will put us back at square one.
Thanks for any advice!