how to deal with my alcoholic mother in law?!

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

should i have to deal with my alcoholic mother in law?! its getting to a point thats its putting a toll on my relationship with babydaddy.. 1st i do not want to go there because of how dirty and stinky their place is, which isnt good for nobody and the last time we went she was just babbling and drinking and cursing you name it, holding my baby yes. which is why i do not see the point of going there or putting myself in that situation ever again...do i confront her?tell her to get help? do ii keep ignoring her and the mean things she says about me and not go to her place ever...HELPP LOL i need adviceee

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Michelle - posted on 11/18/2012

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Well telling her that she's an alcoholic won't work. Most of them are in denial of their illness, that's why they keep doing it.



You can let her know that you don't feel comfortable bringing your child over there if all they are going to do is drink but again she will say she doesn't drink that much.



I think anything you say will create a huge divide but you have to do what's best for your child. Maybe plan to go somewhere for a couple of days so you're not even home for them to call or show up.

Dove - posted on 11/13/2012

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If he wants to go there.... he can go there as much as he wants. That is no environment for a child and if he tried to take MY baby there I would take my baby and walk out the door.



Marriage/relationships are definitely about compromise, but do not EVER compromise when it comes to the safety and well being of your child.... and being held by a drunk woman who could drop her... is not safe. Being in a home with cigarette smoke... is not safe for her health.

Anaquita - posted on 11/12/2012

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It's harder, sometimes, for a child to see the faults of their parents. Even when said child is grown. As well as it being what he's known growing up.... ugh.



Sit down with him, and tell him that while it may be how she's always been, that does not mean you, nor your child, need to be around such toxic behavior. And your daughter, especially, shouldn't see such behavior modeled in front of her. It isn't safe, nor healthy. Then put your foot down. If the mother-in-law is to be around, she needs to be at your place, and sober at the time. You're not saying cut her out completely, you're saying control the environment so that it's safe, and healthy for your child. (And you)

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[deleted account]

now the big problem is their all forcing me to go to the christmas dinner, i feel pressured & i know whats going to happend because its written in the sky , she will drink and alot. & again im going to look like the mean one but im doing this for my baby & i . we do not need to tolerate this or even accept it like theyve all been doing it for years(his family). HOW TO TELL HER WHY I DONT WANT TO GO & WHY , i have my right now to deal with this right?!

[deleted account]

Yes hes grown into that so for him its like no big deal, but to put me in those situations its like woah wait a minute i dont want to see it nor know about it , especially with my daugther around. My boyfriend understands how i feel but dosnt accept it, he says im mean :s ...he wants me to go to his parents place whatever the condition is. I do not want to, i dont want to see her drunk& smoking nor go to her house with the hygiene is just intolerable. i have to stick to how i feel until we find a good medium for us both , but his wish is to go there...its soo hardd to deal with..

[deleted account]

i really should put my foot down & tell him how i do not deal with any of this. This is the main reason why our relationship is going down...he has his way of seeing it, which is tottaly different from mine and we cannot meet halfway and i shouldnt. , thankx for the help i just have to stay strong in these hardd timeeee ;(

Lacye - posted on 11/12/2012

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It sounds like you need to put your foot down. Screw her feelings. This is your child. She is what is important right now. It's not your fault she has always been like this, but you sure as hell don't have to tolerate it. Put down some ground rules for the both of them. The drinking is her problem. Not yours. Your daughter's father is wrong. You don't have to deal with it.

[deleted account]

yes im still with the father of my child. We have talked about it. His way of seeing it, is shes always been the way she is and it she wont change one bit so i should accept sooner or later. But my daughter and i should not have to tolerate that and deal with it but he dosnt accept how i feel. he dosnt want to say a word about ANYTHING to her because it will hurt her feelings but it cant stay like this...the feeling i have will get bigger and worst and i dont need this stress put over my shoulders , something need to be done but i dont know what and how...

Lacye - posted on 11/12/2012

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I wouldn't go over there and I wouldn't take my child over there as long as she was acting like that. I also would refuse to allow her to hold the child as long as she is drinking. Can't do much about what she says about you because that's not going to change, but you can just stay away from her.



Are you still with the father of your child? Have you talked to him about her drinking around the baby or the condition of the house? What does he have to say about it?

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