How to deal with my baby's father having another child

Sonya - posted on 11/21/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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hi there i dont know how to cope when all the asshole has done has lied espically when it came to his "female friend" that he got pregnant but supposedly never been with i am currently going through the court system to stop him getting 50% custody of my daughter as he never had alot of interest when she was born. it was always me have to initiate contact i dont want my daughter having anything to do with this new child of his and im pretty sure he wont have alot to do with either for some reason he doesnt like boys

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Julia - posted on 11/21/2012

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I am also worried. That my ex baby father will father another child with my ex best friend whome I have since found out was cheating on me with her whilst I was pregnant and they are now together, I feel close to thing them both for all the hurt and betrayal, and I hope to god that she doesn't get pregnant as that child will be related to my son...

Jules

Lisa - posted on 11/21/2009

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Quoting Krista:

Okay.....so, let me get this straight. You're going to punish YOUR child and your child's sibling for the mistakes of their father? Doesn't seem quite fair to me. You don't think your child will want to know their brother and sister? By all means, fight for custody....that's well within your rights, but a child SHOULD know their sibling.


Wait a minute.  So okay, I understand that children should know their siblings and they have a right to know her.  But you're going to tell this girl she needs to take her daughter to see her sibling with the woman her b/f cheated on her with?



 



HELL NO!  I would not allow that myself!  I believe the mother has EVERY right as to who her child sees and does not see.  And not for one minute would I allow my child to be exposed in any way to that woman.  Call it repercussion against the other woman, but put in her shoes, I would do the same thing.  I don't know about the other two children, but it's a safe bet that none of them even want to talk to each other, and if they do, kudos to them for being able to do so. 



 



This "Female friend" had to have known of the OP and the OP's relationship with this guy.  I fully believe she knew about her.  Now, tell me she needs to give her daughter and her daughter's sibling the right to see each other.  I call BS.  It's unfair to the mother, doesn't she have rights ALSO???  I realize that her daughter is a child, obviously, therefore unable to control anything, but if she doesn't know about them, she doesn't worry about seeing them.  It is completely acceptable to wait until she is old enough to make the decision herself to see them!!!

Joy - posted on 11/21/2009

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Girl, I feel you. All I can say is don't punish your child or hold animosity towards this new child..its not their fault.

Amanda - posted on 11/21/2009

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well dear all i can say is good luck! if he isn't doing his fatherly duties than you have evry right to fight them. maybe once she gets a lil older you can tell her about her baby brother but if he's not involved and she wont be seeing him, its ok now to keep her out of the loop... its hard when ur ex has another baby, so just keep ur head up and love ur daughter!

Ev - posted on 11/14/2012

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I am sorry for your situation. I hear this kind of thing a lot from others. Once you have gone to court and the court sets visitation and all that; you will have to abide it. That means the visitation as well. THere is not getting out of it. But you can ask that those you do not want around the child not be there during the visits. BUT PLEASE, let the children have a relationship. They did not ask for this. Its not their fault they were born to a man who does not understand how to be a father. But all we have heard is your side of things. I am not putting it down but you have to understand that hearing one side is not enough to get a full picture.

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User - posted on 11/13/2012

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n my son continues to go around these girls i call them and take my granddaughter around them and also made made one of them the godmother and not his sisters he grew up with and my daughter in laws acts like these to girls are the shit and always invites them places and they barely met about 6 months ago and just has never acted friendly to my daughters she acted jealous i can't stand this its just not right and also goes around these girls mom who has always hated the fact i had a boy and she didn't she even had went as far as to say to the family i had probably changed his name he was named after his father it sounds like she was trying to make it like he didn't exist, her n the father arnt together either she left him for someone else when girls were small and than when my son also went around his fathers family they all ignored me like i didn't exist and only kept my son coming around their family and shutting me out so wrong

User - posted on 11/13/2012

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so in attempting to talk to my sons half sisters they were very mean n rude n nasty to me and my sons sisters he grew up with his real sisters why did they respond this way

Tanesha - posted on 11/30/2009

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I encourage you to let Iyanna know her brother. You may not like the situation but they are brother and sister. Look at it this way...you don't want them to accidentally get to know each other in the wrong way when they get older. Hey it happens! Can't hold it against the kids. I know a lot of mother's that operate this way and it only hurts the kids not the parents in the long run. He may not have anything to do with either one but that's his lost.

Karin - posted on 11/21/2009

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Quoting sonya :

How to deal with my baby's father having another child

hi there i dont know how to cope when all the asshole has done has lied espically when it came to his "female friend" that he got pregnant but supposedly never been with i am currently going through the court system to stop him getting 50% custody of my daughter as he never had alot of interest when she was born. it was always me have to initiate contact i dont want my daughter having anything to do with this new child of his and im pretty sure he wont have alot to do with either for some reason he doesnt like boys



Always remember, that regardless of the parents, which the children are unfortunately unable to choose for themselves, that the children are still siblings! Regardless of the mothers of the children, they still share the same father, whether good or bad! They need to know that whatever happens now, down the road, they will have each other to depend on! I think you should put aside your feelings about the new mom and the father, and remind your child that should anything ever happen to one or more of you, they will always share a common bond! Don't take your hatred of the father, or the situation, carry over to the child, as a way to teach them to hate! Instead, teach them to love their siblings, rather than to carry that kind of animosity you have throughout their lives! Teach them to be better people than their father....They may need that encouragement later on down the line!! Be the bigger person!!

MEGAN - posted on 11/21/2009

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I went through the same thing....my children's father had a child with my best friend while him and I were still together. The only thing I ever knew for sure was that I was not gonna be the bad guy in this situation....he's a useless father but my kids love him and his other children are part of my children....that's their blood. His youngest child is now 3 and my kids and their brother have grown up together and I wouldn't change it for the world. Not letting your child know their sibling is just being selfish if you ask me. If my kids grow up and decide they don't want anything to do with their brother then I know I gave them all the information...I never lied or kept anything from them. Think about how doing this now will effect you in the long run.

Paula - posted on 11/21/2009

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Quoting sonya :

How to deal with my baby's father having another child

hi there i dont know how to cope when all the asshole has done has lied espically when it came to his "female friend" that he got pregnant but supposedly never been with i am currently going through the court system to stop him getting 50% custody of my daughter as he never had alot of interest when she was born. it was always me have to initiate contact i dont want my daughter having anything to do with this new child of his and im pretty sure he wont have alot to do with either for some reason he doesnt like boys



you should allow the children to have contact with each other. i come from a family of 7 children. we all have the same father but some of us have different mothers. my mother allowed contact with my siblings and i am so happy for that. i believe my siblings have helped me to grow and be a better person. i would be lost without them because the bonds we have formed are so strong.

Kim - posted on 11/21/2009

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This situation sounds so much like my young daughters situation. This man has to earn the right to be called daddy as far as Im concerned he is only a sperm donor. I went through the same thing as a child I have one sister and then my father couldn't keep his thing in his pants and had an affair with another woman and had 3 other children(2boys&1girl) to this woman one of which is the same age as my sister. I have not an interest in the world to contact these 2 siblings ( apparently 1 died in jail) I know this sounds very harsh & cold but the only time I would ever contemplate contact would be if any of my 6 kids or me needed a transplant and they may be able to be a donor

[deleted account]

It sounds like almost what I went thru with my sons father and you are on the right track. Go thru the courts and when he shows that he isn't even visiting then he would have made his own bed in the courts eyes. like he doesn't give a crap. And as far as the children in time they will hopefully get to know each other. my son is 16 and his sister is 13 and now talk. It will take awhile but in the end it will all work out for the better:) hang in there and Good luck!!!

Tiare - posted on 11/21/2009

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honestly, and you may not like this, im sorry in advance if you dont, but you dont have to agree with me..... you are angry at the father and the girl.... NOT the baby that is being born who IS a sibling to your child.... imagine how you would feel if you found out you had a sibling that YOUR mother wouldnt let you be involved with.... I WOULD BE PISSED! you dont have to like the father but HE IS the father... and for some reason, he is fighting to be a part of the childs life.... i say take a look at the hurt and deal with your pain, then realize that there is not much you can do about it now, and try~WHEN CALM~ to do what is best for YOUR CHILD.... not what is easier for you to deal with... if the father doesnt make an attempt to see the baby then dont push him to do it, but if he is asking or willing to be a part of your childs life then your child deserves to know him....... good luck!

Krista - posted on 11/21/2009

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Okay.....so, let me get this straight. You're going to punish YOUR child and your child's sibling for the mistakes of their father? Doesn't seem quite fair to me. You don't think your child will want to know their brother and sister? By all means, fight for custody....that's well within your rights, but a child SHOULD know their sibling.

Sharon - posted on 11/21/2009

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Good luck. he sounds like a real winner and sterling example of your typical "baby daddy".

Ciara - posted on 11/21/2009

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I a soo sorry to read this. I wouldn't want my daughter around that type of stuff either. When your daughter is old enough she will be able to make her decisions. BUT right now You don't need to hurt yourself or your daughter by pushing the father to be a father. I agree getting the custody started. If he's got children already that he doesn't take care of then yeah stay as far away until your daughter is old enough to understand.

Sonya - posted on 11/21/2009

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Thanks Katlynn,
ive been to hell and back with this ive only found out about this pregancy about 3 weeks ago and shes due now hes lied for the last 2 years about not ever being with her he has cheated on me with this girl and denied everything that went on between them i dont want my daughter to suffer because of his stuff ups he also has to other kids to previous relationships and my daughter will never meet them hes never had anything to do with others hes a so and so and hate isnt even i word on how i feel about him

Katlynn - posted on 11/21/2009

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it is fair to not want your child to have anything to do with this but it is part of who your child is as well so you can't hide it from him/her. Sofor now keep the distance but dont hide it from you child and when your child is old enough to make decission for himself/ herself then let them choose wether or not they want the contact with there half sibling and father

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