how to deal with my child

Sapna - posted on 10/06/2014 ( 30 moms have responded )

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behaviour of my child is very naughty and do very act of mischieves.after spanking he becomes normal.due to his nature,van is lefted.in class he fighted with each one and beated them with out any reason.so plz suggest me.i am very concerned about it

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Jodi - posted on 10/09/2014

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And where I live, that would be abuse. Just saying. Doesn't matter what you believe in.

Dove - posted on 10/06/2014

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Please don't listen to anyone telling you to abuse (hit w/ an object) or sexually assault (hit while naked) your child. That will create a whole new host of issues.....

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/21/2015

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Oh, FFS, Ms. Ipjima, don't lie. You blatantly state on SEVERAL pages here that you DO STILL BEAT YOUR CHILDREN.

Dove - posted on 10/17/2014

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Jan... if anyone hit my kids w/ a belt I would call the police on them and press charges... father or not. Shawnn... yesterday she posted that they went to therapy and she has stopped spanking. I HOPE that is true... but we have no way of knowing what the truth really is...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/17/2014

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Jan Ijpma, quit being a hypocrite. You spank, it's ALL OVER YOUR PROFILE

Carrie - posted on 10/16/2014

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There is obviously something going on at home it sounds like he is acting out. I think intervention from an outside party would be a good idea ie family counselor or something along that line. There may be a behavioral issue it could be bullying at school, frustration over not being able to talk with parents about issues. Parents don't realize how many things are thrown at kids everyday it's overwhelming. As a mom of 4 I know first hand issues with teachers, school policies, bullying(my son got his nose broken in Junior high by a kid waiting behind the class door. I am not my children's friend I am the mom, but I know when they got offered drugs and they talk to me daily. Most parents are too BUSY and don't know what their child is facing and every child is different. My first question would be what is going on is it school, other people or feelings coming from within? Also does he have a conscious? If he saw someone hurt would he feel bad or not care? This is another sign that outside help should be sought.

Guest - posted on 10/16/2014

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Where did your son learn that word? That would be my first concern.
Second, I would ask him why he has so little respect for his father. Beating a child with a belt (that is abuse by the way) is not going to help the father understand why the child has no respect for him, nor will it dissolve the anger the son is feeling toward the father or foster respect between the son and the father.

After the spanking, the son will have even less respect for the father because no one respects anyone who hits them.
Why doesn't the father want his son respect him? It would seem more productive in terms of discipline for the son to respect the father. If the son respects the father, he will willingly do as the father asks and refrain from calling him disrespectful names.

Tina M - posted on 10/14/2014

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To continue: Did all the beatings take the naughty out of my brother? No, he has been to jail more times than I can remember and to prison twice. I do not really know if any other form of discipline would have worked. I really doubt it though. I think he isn't exactly right in the head. He just sees things differently than everyone else.

Tina M - posted on 10/14/2014

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Jan, I stand by my first response, but I wanted to add some personal experience to your situation. I have been watching as the Moms have been beating you up over this not really offering any sympathy or support. I do not think you want to abuse your children or intend on doing so.

My brother and I were beaten as children. He was truly an obstinate child and my parents frustrations would often get taken out on me.

Dove - posted on 10/09/2014

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I have to agree with Sarah here. If the only thing that 'works' at 11 is beating your child... your whole family would benefit from professional help. What happens when that boy is bigger in a few years and snags up that belt and beats the crap out of one of you? If you have to spank at ELEVEN... you are already failing. Please seek help. Counseling is not a bad thing. It works...

Dove - posted on 10/09/2014

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Jan if you want to abuse and sexually assault your child no one here can stop you, but STOP advising other people to do it. The abusers have their own sick board to advocate that nonsense on. You advise it on this board... and you'll be called out for the sick nonsense that it truly is. I am not even anti-spanking... but I do what works and what is not abuse.... And I deal w/ children from 6-13 quite well w/ tons of respect and none of the issues that so many people post complaining about... so guess what? Talking to your child and instilling morals and boundaries and having reasonable consequences when those boundaries are crossed... WORKS. if the only arsenal you have in your parenting bag is beating your naked child.... you WILL fail them. Period.

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2014

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Jan, I am sorry but I have to disagree. Beating a child with a belt cannot possibly be the ONLY way to discipline. You say you have tried everything? Maybe it is that you have tried too many things and the kids don't know what to expect. My kids can predict the consequences to their actions at ages 10, 12, 15 and 18 because I was consistent from day one. Do I discipline the same way at 10 as I did at 3? Of course not, as they grow up, so does the discipline. Did you consult a behavioral therapist for advice when you began to feel you had not other options? I can assure you the advice would not have been to beat your children.

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2014

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Jan, it is sad that you believe resorting to violence it the best way to discipline a child. I have chosen to not hit my children. I have found much more effective methods to discipline. OP does not note the age of the child. Knowing what age your child is will help posters with giving advice.

Tina M - posted on 10/09/2014

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Your child is acting violently because that is what he is being taught by your actions. Try something new. Try spending a day with just the two of you and see how his behavior changes, And during this time try to really get to know your child. They are after just little adults. You might be surprised what you learn.

Jessica Maritza - posted on 10/09/2014

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WHEN MY BOYS DO WRONG, I TAKE EVERYTHING THAT THEY LOVE TO PLAY WITH AND GROUND THEM THE MOST IS 2 WEEKS. I TALK TO THEM WHY I DID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE TO GET THEM TO UNDERSTAND. WHEN I WATCH TV, MY BOYS CAN ONLY WATCH WHAT MY HUSBAND AND I WANT TO WATCH ON TV!! WE ARE NOT PERFECT MOTHERS OR FATHERS, BUT HITING WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE. TALKING IS BETTER AND THEY WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR SAYING, EVEN THU THEY CAN BE HARD HEADED

Dove - posted on 10/06/2014

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Well... if he thinks violence is an acceptable way to deal w/ someone that does something he doesn't like... of course he's going to react that way.

Other than beating up a kid at school (which would have my child grounded)... what is he doing? Finding logical and natural consequences to the specific behavior has a much greater impact on behavior than just spanking them for it.

Example... won't stop watching TV to do homework? Loses TV privileges for the next day (or longer depending on age of child).

Michelle - posted on 10/06/2014

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I agree with Jodi, if you want him to stop hitting others then you have to start by not spanking him.
What things does he do at home that are naughty? How old is he?
You need to find consequences that suit his age.

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2014

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You spank him. Of course he thinks it is okay to hit people when he is upset at them. You taught him that. Now you have to unteach him. You need to teach him that hitting is NOT ok (and to do this, YOU have to stop hitting him when you get angry), and you need to model other ways to peacefully resolve the issues, have consequences such as removing privileges. Try to make the consequences logical, so that he can link the behaviour with the consequence easily. For example, if he won't pick up his toys, or he throws them around, you remove the toy (throw it out, give it away to a child who WILL appreciate the toy, etc). But don't yell and don't hit. It is pointless and role models the exact behaviour you don't want from him and does not teach us how to reasonably resolve our issues without violence.

Guest - posted on 10/06/2014

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Yea.....don't spank him. You said he fought with other kids in his class and beat them up without any reason. Here is why--Spanking teaches children to hit people who do things they do not want them to do. Thus, YOU might think the your son had no reason to hit the other kid, but chances are, he misbehaved at home once, you hit him so he wouldn't misbehave again, then he went to school, this kid did something to annoy him--took a crayon he wanted or said something he didn't like to hear--and your kid hit him.

Instead, when he misbehaves, manipulate the consequences so that he can learn from them. For example, if he breaks a dish in a temper tantrum, make him do chores until he earns enough money to replace the dish.

Hitting kids at school is unacceptable. He can be expelled for that. Most children learn not to hit other kids well before they start school, but children who are spanked at home struggle with this lesson, which leads to social problems throughout childhood and sometimes even adulthood if the issue is not properly addressed. If the child is school aged and is hitting other children, I would probably seek professional advice. That behavior should have ended with toddlerhood.

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