how to deal with my ex..

Renee - posted on 05/16/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )




so.. my ex, just so you get an idea of what he's like.. we've been@war for the last 7 years. since we broke up when my daughter was a few months old because he hit me. he's been holding a grudge against me ever since. he always fights me on child support, he wants to pay less.. he only sees our daughter 1 day week. I told him I would drop child support completely if he took care of her half the time. he wouldn't agree to that.

anyway, our latest issue is visitation. he's supposed to take our daughter 2 weeks in the summer as per the court order. he tells me he doesn't have vacation days and he won't be taking her. I said, I don't have vacation days either but I take care of her, he should be a parent and figure it out. idk.. just take some responsibility. he responds with "the funny thing about the order is that I don't have to follow it, but you do". hmm. it's almost as if he follows the court order when it's convenient for him, when he wants to he will, and when he doesn't he won't. doesn't seem right.

so now, we get into an argument and he tells me from now on to drop off our daughter at the police station when he's been picking her up from home for the last 2 years. but since we get into a fight, he wants me to go to the station now, knowing it's an inconvenience for me since i don't drive. he does. i think he does it out of spite cuz its the only leverage he really has.

i drew up a petition to modify the court order and i have it ready because i'm just about sick of this.. should i proceed? am i looking at this the right way?

i'm so stressed out....................... i work long ass hours, between work and taking care of our kid and everything, my days are from 7am to 7pm and then i have to deal with this jerkoff on top of that.........

i need an out!!!


Katherine - posted on 05/16/2011




I would proceed and I think you are doing the right thing. If he wanted to see his daughter and wasn't playing games I would say otherwise. It just seems to me that he doesn't want the responsibility, or wants it on his terms.

Rebecca - posted on 05/16/2011




For our order the amount of child support is based on number of overnights as well as salary. So if he is refusing his overnights and never taking her, you should be able to get more support to help take care of her. You shouldn't have to drop her off either, make him get her if you can't drive her.

Angela - posted on 05/16/2011




Are you serious? I wouldn't even be hesitating...i would be proceeding with it straight away. A father who does not want to see his child at every opportunity (nor pay the required child support to assist his child to the best he can) needs a kick up the backside!!!!! Enough is enough! you have your child full time and you are working full time to make ends meet for both of you so stuff make him work around YOU, not the other way around!!!

Sneaky - posted on 05/17/2011




I have heard that you can get 'moderators' (that is probably not the right word) but it is a person that will take your child from your house to his (and vice versa) and will also talk to him on your behalf (and vice versa) so you never actually HAVE to speak to him ever again.

Definitely make sure that the custody agreement ensures that if he does not take her for his visitations, that he pays more child support.

Good luck!

Jenny - posted on 05/17/2011




File file file!!! He is just pishing you around to whats best for him and never once thinking about whats best for his daughter!! You don't have to meet him anywhere unless it's in court papers. Court does suck but if he refuse to pay and take his responsibility what choice do you have left!! My neice hasnt seen her dad since she was 18 months old and shes now 12 and my sister still fights and has him at least pay child support thats do to her daughter!! a judge will see you have tried and he refuse to meet you at any point. file it girl, and let him go on with his bs with someone else!! Have his support put through cse (child support enforcements ) then it will just come out of his pay check and this will be one last thing to fight or worry over!!


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[deleted account]

I get that. My advice is still the same. My ex is the same (as far as only following the court order when it suits him) and all I can say is my stress and anger dropped a TON when I decided not to bother fighting him in court unless our kids become in danger. He won't change and I can't control him. All I can do is control my reaction to him and keep my kids as safe as possible.

Don't like my advice, don't take it. I'm just offering a different perspective.

Renee - posted on 05/17/2011




@Teresa - nowhere did I complain about how much he sees or nor am I comparing my situation to anyone elses. My issue was simply that he follows the court order when he feels like it and doesn't comply when it's not convenient to him.

Cassie - posted on 05/17/2011




File it hun. The agreement is so that he has the "right" to visit his daughter not the obligation or to make a slave out of you. Also check the wording carefully about his "pickup" of the child. If he isn't taking your daughter as often as he has's his loss (your daughter may feel upset for a while but one day she will understand)....and potentially more Child support for you. File to give him less visitation with the ability to EARN more - if he doesn't follow the rules - he doesn't get the benefit.
I also agree with the idea of communicating only via the courts. Obviously his "pickup/drop off time & location" will have to be established in the agreement. If he doesn't turn up on time - don't unlock the door (try to allow for traffic or the OCCASSIONAL lateness tho - you dont want to be petty!).
Good luck hun.

Heather - posted on 05/16/2011




My heart goes out to you, it is not an easy task to have to deal with your child's father when he's a complete ass. I think handling it through the courts and having as little contact with him directly is the best way to go. The more you talk to him directly the more chance he has of getting a rise out of you. It's sounds like he is not putting his child first, but his own petty feelings and that's extremely unfortunate. I hope everything works out for you.

[deleted account]

He sees her one day a week and you are complaining?! My kids haven't seen their father since January 1......

He's supposed to have them for 4 weeks this summer. I have no clue at this point if he will or not, but whether or not he takes advantage of his right to visitation is his problem. Not mine. My advice... stop dealing w/ him unless you have to. Unless he has it in the court order that you have to bring her to the police station.... don't. It's his loss. Yes, it hurts your daughter too.... which really sucks, but in the long run she will KNOW who was there for her and who wasn't.

IMO.... fighting in court is NOT worth it unless the child is in danger. You've been fighting for 7 years? It's time to stop the war. Good luck!

Renee - posted on 05/16/2011




ugh. thank you. you guys are the best... i didn't know if i wasn't thinking straight or if i was just angry. i needed an outsiders point of view!

Firebird - posted on 05/16/2011




I agree with Katherine, I'm just going to word it differently..... Kick him in the nuts any way you can!

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