How to discipline stepdaughter?

Jessica - posted on 07/12/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My fiance has 50/50 custody we have his daughter monday-friday of the week. The problem i am running into is disciplining her. My 2 kids get sever punishments or even butt whoopings and she doesnt. He isnt here with her but for an hour a day so i am the main person for this. I need advice how to do this... we have been together 5 years but its not getting easier. how do you other mommas handle these situations. i cant wait for him to come home late to handle it... and shes starting to lie and act out, she is 9 years old.

thanks!

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Jodi - posted on 07/12/2016

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Remove privileges - she's too old to be hitting (probably should stop hitting your other kids too, so they don't feel the 9 year old is treated differently). I guess the consequence depends on what she is doing, but by 9 years old, she shouldn't need lots of punishment, she should know the boundaries and up until now, had clear consequences that are both logical and consistent. What have your husband and her mother been using up until now?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/19/2016

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Maybe stop giving such severe punishment and beatings to your biological children so they don't become jealous, angry, and hostile? If you find a better solution then maybe it can apply to all the children.

Also, sit down with your husband and discuss this.

Quanita - posted on 07/19/2016

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You and your husband have to set guidelines for her to follow. She has to know that he's in line with everything you say and do.

Dove - posted on 07/19/2016

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Just a 'heads up'... if she is just now starting to act up more... it 'could' be hormone related. Hormones are not an excuse for bad behavior, but they do make certain attitudes more understandable. Perhaps some 'chill out' time in her room doing some calm activity that she enjoys (reading, drawing, doing puzzles, or listening to music were my girls 'go to' methods) when she firsts starts acting up can head off a few of the issues you two are having.

Jessica - posted on 07/19/2016

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they dont really work together much at all.... her mom is more of a friend and no rules. i feel im fighting a lost cause and creating resentment because i am the only one enforcing things. her life with her mom is just float on by no bedtime no meal times.... and here its structure.

Michelle - posted on 07/13/2016

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The other ladies have some good points.
All the children should be treated equally but you can't give your step daughter a "butt whooping". I'm sure her Mother would have something to say about that.
You need to come up with other consequences like taking away technology, privileges and grounding for a start.
How old are you other kids? What do you consider severe punishments? Maybe you need to change your tactics if the children are repeating the behaviour that they have been punished for.
My kids now that if they don't follow the rules they will lose technology, that hurts teenage boys the most!!!

Dove - posted on 07/12/2016

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Having different consequences for different children in the same household is likely to build a lot of resentment. Consequences should be age based and suited to 'fit the crime' as much as possible... and the less physical TOWARDS the child... the better.

What I would do depends on what she is doing... why is she lying and acting out? I am really not a severe punisher. I generally talk to my children about what they are doing and why it isn't OK (if you are lying then you lose my trust and I might not take you seriously when you really need me to).

What has been done for the child up until now?

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