how to except my sons father is talking to other girls

Crystal - posted on 05/26/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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my sons father and i we're together for a year moved 4hrs away from our family for about 8 months till we had a break up we still were kind of together now he has a "boo" and i dont know how to except it when he keeps telling me things like i love yu i dont know how to let go and move on like i want too but hes always arguing wit me like im the one wrong when hes already doing what he wants?? im soooo torn!

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Amber - posted on 05/26/2011

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You shouldn't accept it.
He doesn't love you if he's seeing somebody else. I know that it sucks to hear it, but you need to. No man that loves you, respects you, and wants to have a life with you would have somebody on the side.

You need to do what's best for you and your son. Do not engage with him in argument, don't let him rope you in with sweet words.

He will keep stringing you along forever. If you accept his cheating, he'll do it again. A person can only treat you in ways that you allow them to. Don't allow it. You definitely don't want your son to think that is how relationships work when he gets older.

Good luck.

Jenni - posted on 05/27/2011

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You'll have to put a stop to it. He's playing you both. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
It's probably more of a control issue than anything. He wants you to be his property and doesn't want YOU moving on. He doesn't want to have to share YOU with anyone else but expects you to share him with whomever.

As long as you're sleeping with him. It won't stop. He'll be getting what he wants as long as you are putting up with it. Why wouldn't he? Sorry to be so blunt but if you're willing to sleep with him... he's going to keep sleeping with you. Boys are funny like that... they usually think with one head more than the other and it's not usually the head they should be thinking with.

So basically, accept it's over despite whatever cutsey, lovey BS he's feeding you. They're just words, hun. His actions are saying he's moved on.
Do the same and limit your conversations with him to your child ONLY.

Barb - posted on 05/27/2011

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Teresa and Amber are absolutely right.

At first i wasn't sure what a 'boo" was but if it is another woman he's having a relationship with, that is completely unacceptable.

Some men think of women as just objects to be used for their sexual desires. That is not a respectful way to think of the mother of your child.

I'd just spell it out for him. "you are in a relationship with someone else, we can still talk nice to eachother, but the only thing we are going to talk about is anything that pertains to our child and what is in his best interest. And you having another girlfriend and wanting to use me for sex is NOT in our son's best interest. I'm going to go be his mom now, let me know when you are ready to be his Dad"

And like Amber said.. Good luck, it's not as easy to do as it is to type.

Karen - posted on 06/06/2011

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If he does hang out with her after work it's always with a group of other people and he's not going to see her. She just recently found a boyfriend so they all go to the bar 1 friday every couple of months or so as long as they have the weekend off but it's only for an hr or so and he always lets me know. He's always home before I go to bed and is never late without calling.

[deleted account]

My question to you is this, do you wish your son to grow up with this as his example of how to treat a woman? Is this how you wish your son to develop, seeing his mother being held up as nothing more serious than a hit and quit it sort of person?

You deserve RESPECT. You deserve to be treated as an adult, because you've a child so you are one now. You DESERVE to be treated like a LADY! You are not some little shorty for sale on the stroll.

Do not take this from the father of your son. He can have his little flings, but if he's moved on with his life ... then you need to do so as well. Tell him that such comments are demeaning to you (because obviously if he's out tipping it with other women, he doesn't REALLY want to be with you or your son which is a damn shame because I bet your kid is great, am I right?!). Tell him to speak to you with respect, to monitor what he says in front of YOUR son (because he is your son ... no matter who "donated" for him). And if he wants to REALLY be a father -- that he'll MAN UP and be one. Not some smuck to just chases tail all the damn day.

Best of luck you. Keep your chin up. You are worth more than this.

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Karen - posted on 05/27/2011

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I agree with everyone else. If he truly loved you, he would be completley commited to you only. My husband has 1 FRIEND who is a girl. He has no nicknames for her. He never hangs out with her like he does with the guys. They are coworkers and it stays at work. I have been around them and worked in the same building for years. They never made me think "is this something more?"

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 05/27/2011

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Yes with time it will get easier, but it’s a toxic situation and nothing good will come from it.
It hurts very badly, I know, but you need to cut the rope because he won’t and you will keep getting hurt.
Like I said with time the pain in your heart and the thoughts in your mind about him and other women will subside

Barb - posted on 05/27/2011

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heard on Dr Oz today.. the males two stages of foreplay.. having his penis touched, and waiting for his penis to be touched... that's it.

[deleted account]

Cut him loose and run. The ONLY communication the two of you need to engage in are things that directly involve your son. And.... hang in there! It gets easier when you can accept that he is not worth it. :)

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