Kellie - posted on 07/17/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )
My son Anthony died from pneumonia at 17months back in 2005. My daughter was born in Dec 2006 and is a very very smart cookie. She sees pictures of my son everywhere around the house and knows that he is her brother. A few months back I sat her down and asked her if she knew she had a brother and she told me yes. I asked her if she knew where he was and she told me that he died. I immediately welled up and panicked a bit. I asked her who told her that and she told me that it was her aunt. I didn't really know what to say at that point and was just crying like a baby and freaking her out. She asked me what was wrong and I just told her I was sad.
Well, last night I sat her on my dresser to get her away from our crazy puppy and she saw a picture of my son. She asked who it was (she's never sure if it's her or Anthony) and I told her it was "Brother". She asked "Where is he?" I didn't know what to say. She followed up with "Can he come?" I can't help but feel awful about the whole thing. We're trying to have another baby right now because I believe she is so deserving of a sibling. It's very hard for me that she was robbed of her older brother. How can I explain it to her? I cried my eyes out last night, and luckily I have a supportive husband to help me through the hard times. We're at a loss for words though. I know we should be honest, but I'm afraid of telling her that he got sick and passed away because I don't want to freak her out when she gets sick. She's had pneumonia twice now and has asthma so she gets sick fast and often. We are not religious, but we're ok with telling her that he is on heaven, but then there's explaining what heaven is and all the questions that will follow. She is so smart, but I question what she actually understands in terms of "he died". What do we do?!! Just the thought of having to go through this with another baby is hell, but she needs a sibling so badly I'm willing to go through the emotional torture myself. Any advice would be appreciated. I don't know anyone else that has been in this situation so I'm stuck just winging it! PLEASE HELP!! Thanks!!