How to get Full Custody of my son

Busa Jackie - posted on 12/13/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies, l am going through a rough time and l am not sure what to do anymore. l have a beautiful 2yr old baby boy, and l need full custody of my son. My common -law husband has been very abusive to a point l decided to leave him. l did not have a proper place, l went to the woman's shelther and l left my son with his dad. l found myself a place and he is holding my son. l do get to see him during weekend and sometimes during the week. l know my son is better off with me at this time of his life, but my partner is punishing me through my son. my son cries so much when his dad is picking him up and l feel my heart being ripped out. l am not sure what to do. what l know is that l am damaging my child by allowing him to go to his dad. he is a good dad, but we all see the stress that we are cousing our child. l feel like am losing my mind, the look from my son kills me and l am hurting so bad. l have tried to talk to my partner with no sucess. l left everything behind, l cant afford a lawyer and he has so much money. l know that he does not want to pay child support and frankly speaking l can do without. l feel like am killing my own son with my bare hands. please ladies give me some advise.thank you for your time.

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JuLeah - posted on 12/13/2010

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If he was abusive to you, he is not a good father. Part of being a good father is understanding how domestic violence impacts the children.
Call childrens services and see if they can help.
The people at the shleter ought to be able to help you ... and really, I am confused. I don't know of a shelter that won't allow you to take your kid.
You still call him your partner? A partner is a team mate, has your back supports you, walks by your side, wants good things for you ....
Get social services involved

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Amanda - posted on 12/13/2010

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You are making a far fetched dream here. Honestly the first mistake you made was not going to a Domestic shelter and reporting him for the abuse. Secondly you should have never left your child with him if he was abusive to you. The ball will more than likely go with your ex in this case. He was the one who take care of your son while you figured yourself out. As bad as it is, you need to get everything your son needs, in your own place. You need to get your son back, and maybe allow your ex everyother weekend until a visitation order is set. Than you need to get an attorney. If money is an issue there are legal aid lawyers available. You really need to start somewhere and wanting fullcustody right off the bat will more than likely bite you in the butt. Start small. Finish big. Best of luck!

Sharon - posted on 12/13/2010

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Not only that? But you say he has all the money and you have none.

Why not? I'm guessing you've been a housewife and your abusive/domineering husband has used this against you, over powering you and controlling you in small ways and possibly big ones.

GO TO COURT. Get a legal seperation and legal visitation awarded. Get your life on track. If you're not canadian, how will you be able to stay in that country? Is that something else you need to work out?

He is a bad father. What he has done to you, he will teach his son to do to others.

I'm sorry he hurt you so bad, you just had to bolt. But really ... man oh man.... here? In Canada/USA you NEVER leave your home behind.

Again - my other point, with no legal custody agreement in place, you are not obligated to hand the child over to his father. YOU, as the abused, can take some power back retreat to an abused women/children shelter. Get your life on track from there.

Erica - posted on 12/13/2010

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I understand you were not in a good state of mind when you left...but that was a MAJOR MISTAKE!!!!! Get a lawyer and get one fast. Get DFS involved ASAP...hope this helps.

Isobel - posted on 12/13/2010

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I feel really bad for you, I do...but the truth of the matter is that you need to stop thinking about how to get full custody and start thinking about how you can take the stress away from that little boy.



Even if you have "full custody" the courts are going to award him as liberal visitation rights as possible...so the best you can hope for is the right to make legal decisions.



Is there a friend or relative that you can drop your son off for pick ups? Maybe some of the stress you are feeling about seeing your ex is affecting him negatively.







Good Luck

Sherri - posted on 12/13/2010

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Most states will no longer give full custody to one parent over the other. Most states now will only give joint custody unless you can prove that he is a bad father. This can not be hearsay but physical evidence. Also you may have to fight a bit harder because you did abandon him. I wish you good luck in your fight.

Busa Jackie - posted on 12/13/2010

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Ladies l do understand the way you are thinking, l will be honest with you l was so damaged when l left him that l just needed to get out. l left when they were not home. like l said prior he is a good dad , he has never be physical towards our son just me and when l have been holding him. l was scared and terrified. l am not canadian as yet and he is canadian. lt breaks my heart, l do not have family and l did not know better. he has all the power and now l want to fight back for my son's sake.

Amanda - posted on 12/13/2010

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I agree with Sharon, you "abandoned" your child therefore your ex cant be that bad. Because any mother who truely fears for their life, or their childrens would never leave a child in the hands of the abuser.

Yeah if theres no custody agreement why do you allow your son to go back? You have as much legal right to your son as your ex does. Get him a bed, clothing, everything he needs at your home, and dont give him back until there is a custody agreement set by the courts. That might slove the abandonment issue.

Sharon - posted on 12/13/2010

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You're screwed.

Custody battles are hideous things and in cases like this, can take years.

If your state has common law marriage then you need to go through a real divorce. In the eyes of the state you legally created a marriage and your chances are much better.

However. Because you left your home and left your child, your husband may have already started the "abandonment" process.

Since there is no custody agreement - why do you allow him to go with your ex?

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