how to get more visiting times with adult daughter living 2 hrs.away

Jenny Larsen - posted on 10/18/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Please tell me what has worked for you. Have a fantastic relationship, daily texts, weekly phone calls and visits approx. every3 weeks. Would like more frequent, quickie visits. Only daughter and we miss her hideously

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/18/2013

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Lol - It wasn't long ago that my (now husband) boyfriend and I were not allowed to sleep in the same room at my parents house. I thought it was rediculous because we had been living together for YEARS! Lol - they said we had to wait until we were married - but then we had a baby - that changed everything! They kept the same rule with my youngest sister - who ended ip getting married at 20. So they have reevaluated thier rules - the middle child can have sleep overs - with the doors open!
Lol - moral of the story - if they are going to do it - they are going to do it! If she is living on her own, paying her own bills, and living with her boyfriend he is probably capable of using enough discrestion and having enough respect to obey your rules and not do it under your roof. Of course - you could always rent a 1 bedroom suite somewhere and have them sleep on the sofa and keep your door open - or have a two bedroom, put them in seperate ones and sleep in the living room between them! But I have to ask - what's more important - your rules or seeing your daughter?

Queen Of My - posted on 10/18/2013

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Is there somewhere you can meet in the middle for a quick visit - like a lunch? When you meet up every three weeks - who makes the trek? I feel like young adults always feel thier lives are busier than anyone elses - so you may have to put in the driving time more often than her. Skype? Face time? Family trip once a year?

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/18/2013

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Lol... My dad is exactly like Robert De Niro too! He is even a retired cop that now does survalience. Haha- I honestly thought that character was based off my dad!

Jenny Larsen - posted on 10/18/2013

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You are so right, hon...we had the same issue with my parents and also his...not that anyone isn't doing it. Just that there is this kind of icky feeling with her dad that this is his baby girl here...no one is engaged yet, either. I'd love it if that happened then he could feel OK about this. We are not prudes at all....but we do feel kind of yuk if we stuck them openly in the same room just yet. No wed, no bed, says my hubby. Think of Robert De Niro in Meet the Parents. He's got his eye on him. Says its a matter of respect and since they live together, they can handle it for a weekend or so.
I love the bf, but every now and then, I do want to smack him. This is a grown woman but my daughter and I know she wants that ring very much. They plan to marry. I don't want her to marry some fool. They come here, he sleeps on an air bed (not enough room in her room, and it's a pit), we know she begins the evening with him but we don't choose to listen. We are all doing a little dance. So maybe a beach house with a room for him and we don't listen nor care past 11 PM. But who can afford a beach house. In the meantime, I'm going to put your plan of Fridays for after work cocktails and dinner with her into operation. That's the most helpful I've heard yet. Can you tell she's an onlychild to boot here. Thanks!!!!

P>S> I suspect and have for some time that she desperately wants our approval of the living together situation. They've had us for dinner, we've helped them move in, given them a microwave, but she knows in her heart that this is a half assed arrangement. She's committed, I believe he is. Love is where you find it. THey are in love, they are happy, he's a good guy and will make a great hubby (or not, if that's what she chooses not to do). I'm pretty sure that ring will arrive in due time. He comes from a very unorthodox background lots of live ins, changes of partners/sexes....older brother lived for 10 years with gf before he married. He came and talked to hubby of how much he loves our daughter before they moved in together and that his intentions were honorable.....soooooo..... stay tuned.

We've been as accepting of t his as possible for us to be. But she cannot have it all at this point and I think she feels that. I hope it does not affect our relationship with him. Hubby says if so and he doesn't like it, then put a ring on it. But that's a dad.

Jenny Larsen - posted on 10/18/2013

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Thank you! This one's actually something I could do. She works an hour away. Can meet for a quick bite post work

She will drive here or we will drive there. It's a long drive but I never mind. But with gas so $ it's really an issue. I would and have driven 6 hours in one day just to see her.

Family trip a problem....bf and she live together. We accept it, don't condone it. If with us, they will have separate rooms. Their home, their rules, our home, ours.

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