How to get my 7 year old boy to adapt to parents new partners

Madelaine - posted on 10/13/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi Moms, Im divorced for a year now, but seperated from my ex husband for 4 years. We join custody of our 7 year old boy. I have been seeing someone for a couple of months now, and Dad is also in a relationship now. My partner and I are work colleques therfore we do not see each other too often after hours and hardly ever in the weeks that I have my boy with me. He also never stay over at my place for the reason that I have a 1 bedroom flat, and my child sleep with me. Dad recently met someone and she stay over at his place often, and my boy is very upset about that and cries all the time for the fact that he cannot sleep with Dad anymore and has to sleep in his own room now after 4 years? He is also of recent very offish towards my partner when he does see him. We are talking about moving in together but I'm very concerned of how my boy will handle this. My partners kids are 16 years and 20 years old. Please give me some advise on how to get my boy to adapt to both parents new partners without hurting his feelings. For all his years he has been more that EVERYTHING to the both of us. Thank you kindly, hope to hear from you soon.

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Ana - posted on 10/13/2016

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Divorce can be rough on kids, especially younger ones, dating can be an issue for them too because their parents are splitting their affections between a new partner and their child. Maybe have a sit down with your son and ask him to explain his feelings about your ex husband's new partner and about your partner and how he feels about him. Get him to open up, your life shouldn't be put on hold because of his emotional state but he also shouldn't feel neglected at all, remember he didn't ask to be a product of a divorce. Dating with kids is difficult but not impossible.

Ev - posted on 10/13/2016

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My worry is how long you have been with this guy? You have to understand that at 7 years old you and dad are it to this child. There is no making a child adapt to anything. They do need to learn to be respectful etc. but forcing it is not a good idea at all. If you have only been in the relationship for a short time and have introduced your child to this man, that is way too soon. And moving in with some too soon is not enough time for a child to get used to a new situation. You say your man does not come around often...has he ever spent time with your son at all on his level? Kids never get to chose what happens when parents split and even though four years may seem like not much to you....it was your son's world that went upside down.

Madelaine - posted on 10/13/2016

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Good advise thanks Michelle, I will get him to start sleeping on the sleeper couch in my room for now.

Michelle - posted on 10/13/2016

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I think the first thing to do is to get your son used to sleeping on his own. I understand that it's hard with you since you only have a 1 bedroom flat but he's old enough to be on his own.
No wonder he doesn't like Dad's GF, she kicked him out of bed. It will be the same for you if he isn't in his own bed when you move in with your BF.

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