how to get my daughter to be civil to her little brothers

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

My daughter treats her brothers like pond scum. She is 15 and they are 7 and 9. She was the only child and grandchild for 5yrs and extremely spoiled. Ever since her brother were born, her father and I has made a special effort to make sure she never felt less special or loved. We love each of them as much as the other, while recognizing each of their different personalities. She refuses to believe that she should be responsible for much more than they are due to her age. I am out of ways to try bridge the gap between them. Any advice?

5 Comments

View replies by

Ev - posted on 03/21/2014

7,224

7

909

I was giving an example of having a child for seven years that was an only until her own brother came. I did not attack your parenting by any means. I was just saying that maybe she should have had less of everything she wanted. That she has had time to become adjusted to the fact that there are other siblings in her home too now. She needed to accept it because it was not going to change. I am not a perfect mother nor did I in my posts suggest it otherwise. I have also had to deal with a divorce and two kids being shared in joint custody with their father whom did not keep up the same rituals of discpline like we had before the break up of our marriage. I made some rather bad choices at that time but did what was the only available options I had. Whether or not a couple has trouble having kids or not and even if there are several years between the kids, giving the only child who becomes an older sibling later all that he or she wants can lead to just what your daughter is acting like. I have seen this with other people's kids who are closer than a couple of years. I have seen it with kids who were only kids forever and then became big brother or sister. Someday, your daughter might just wish she was nicer to her siblings because they might not be so accomodating with her when they get older. I have seen that too and almost experienced it as well.

[deleted account]

Evelyn, I'm so glad you took it upon yourself to judge my parenting skills. I joined this group in order to read about what other mothers experience in various areas of their lives. NEVER once did I expect to get judged by someone that read a brief paragraph about one of the many things that might show what kind of mommy I have been. I could give you pages and pages of things my kids have done, both good and some not so good, if I felt as though I needed your option. I do not need it and surely don't want it. If I was giving you mother advice, I tell her she needs to teach her little girl to keep her mouth closed, or in this case, her fingers still. No one likes a know-it-all.

Ev - posted on 03/20/2014

7,224

7

909

I can understand that you wanted to give her everything she wanted but it should have been more what she needed at the times it was needed and treats here and there. My own daughter was an only for 7 years and she was never spoiled like that. Though I did not have infertility to deal with though I would not have used that reason to give her the world. She had to learn to deal with rules and values like anyone else in the family did. When we did have her brother, I included her in all kinds of things that had to do with the new baby that way I eliminated some of the issues of jealousy and other things. Actually, she was not jealous of her brother and she became a second mommy to him. And now that your own daughter became an older sister; maybe she felt left out of everything and then she ended up with two sibs to deal with. Did you not include her in any of the stuff going on with the baby? You need to tell her that she needs to start treating her brothers a bit better than she has been. Its been long enough. Its a bit overrated for jealousy and is just plain meanness as far as I can see.

[deleted account]

I'm embarrassed to say "yes". She was a baby that was finally born to us after 3 years of infertility treatment and 2 miscarriages. So needless to say, we wanted to give her anything she wanted. Most of all, we just wanted to give her a sibling. That took 5 years longer than we anticipated.

Ev - posted on 03/18/2014

7,224

7

909

When you say spoiled, do you mean that she got everything she wanted when she wanted it?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms