how to get my son to go to sleep.

Myia - posted on 02/06/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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m son is eleven months old and im not afraid to admit that I have spoiled him alot when he was first born. I mean i held him all the time i even let him fall asleep on my chest every night. but now hes gotten to the pointt where he alwsys wants to be held all the time, he doesnt like to go to sleep in his own room in his crib its a constant struggle to get him to go to sleep. I mean I usually put him in his crib then ill read him 3 short stories and then I'll give him a kiss and say good night but then he'll pop back up and start screaming cuz he doesnt wanna go to bed and hes teething so I know his teeth hurt and I've given him everything I can think of to ease his pain and so that canbe part of it. But sometimes when his teeth arent even bothering him he doesnt go to sleep. Which leads me to believe that he just doesnt wanna go to sleep.

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Krista - posted on 02/06/2012

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You might need to get an air mattress or pad. Even if your child is a champion sleeper, there are going to be nights when he's sick, or teething, or scared, and nothing will do except for having Mommy nearby. My kid's a great sleeper, but I've spent a few nights on his floor with my arm jammed through the crib slats, rubbing his back while he wailed.



If you double up a comforter and lie on your stomach, it's not too bad.

Tracie - posted on 02/06/2012

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I too spoiled my son. I rocked him to sleep every night from birth until we moved last September. Now he sleeps in our bed and I have to lay down with him until he falls asleep. It sucks, but it's what my child needs right now. We used a combination of baby orajel and natural teething tablets when his teeth hurt him. The combo seemed to work most of the time. I would not suggest that you allow him to sleep in your bed with you, but you might make a pallet in the floor next to his crib and try that for a bit. Some times they just need to know that you are there when the fall asleep. Good luck lady. Let us know what happens.... Tracie

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Myia - posted on 02/06/2012

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yeah thanks tracie i would lay with him but m beds not big enough for alln of us and his floors too hard to sleep on

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/06/2012

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My son knows his mommy loves him more than anything.



My daughter slept with me for 3 years and by the time she was 3 she couldn't sleep with me anymore and I couldn't sleep with her - she was 3.5 feet and a very restless sleeper. It was the worst thing I have ever had to do as a mother, to get her into her own bed. She was older, she cried and cried and cried. She did not understand. I knew then I would never ever have my child depend on me for sleep ever again.



So when I had my son, he slept with me on the couch until he was 3.5 months old. By then he was 15lbs and able to "medically" sleep through the night. I tried the "no cry" method for 1.5 months and that constituted to many sleepless nights for me, him and the rest of the family. I was completely against the CIO method. I too, thought it was cruel and unjust. However, he needed to sleep in his crib, my husband and I were not having him in our bed, that is our bed and not for kids of any size, shape or age. I was not going to put my son through the hell my daughter went through at age 3. So, I did a lot of research and talked to a lot of other mom's and found that many mom's tried the CIO method and ended up with extremely good sleepers as a result. I had to try it, I had to get off the couch and get back into my bed with my husband. My son had to learn to sleep on his own without a crutch to help him, I do not believe in soothers and he would not take one anyhow. So, by the time he was 5 months old, I did it. He only cried the 1st 3 nights and after that he knew how to soothe himself, he knew how to close his eyes and go to sleep without any help. Yes, he did cry for 45 mins the 1st night (but he can cry longer when he is teething during the day), he cried 25 mins the 2nd night and all of 5-10 mins the 3rd night. After that he slept all night. Every once in a while he would wake and cry for no more than 2-5 mins and back to sleep he went. Now he is 15.5 months and if he wakes, he babbles to himself and goes back to sleep, no tears, no screams, no freaking out. It is the best thing I have done for him in regards to sleeping. He is a very very happy baby and naps really well too, which BTW does not result in any crying. He is on a set bedtime schedule and if we go past that time, even by 5 mins, he is cranky. He knows it is bed time and he goes without a fuss. I LOVE my children and would never ever put them in harms way, they know I love them and CIO does not mean you do not love your child. I can say this though, I will never have an issue with getting my kid into their own bed at a toddler age, as many mom's have asked for advice on COM and are freaking because their child will NOT sleep on their own. I am proud to say mine does and it is because I did the CIO and it worked... ;)



I have learnt - "don't knock it until you have tried it"... My boy has not given up on me, he had no idea what that even meant at 5 months old and he still has no idea what that would mean at 15.5 months.... he knows his room and he feels safe in it, without Mommy being by his side. If he is sick, I go to him the moment he cries but other than that, he is on his own. We have 3 monitors in our home as we have a 4 floor house but we rarely go in the rec room, as that is my daughter's (13 now) space. We can listen to him all through the house and we are able to monitor what type of cry he has if he does cry but so far, 10 months later, never ever an issue. Bedtime is bedtime and you aren't getting up until morning unless you are sick...



I also, frequently checked on him when he was sleeping, I have a special night light that gets brighter when you pass by it, he has one in his room, I checked on him all the time when he was still an infant. Now I check on him before I head off to bed and I have a monitor in our room that I leave on all night. His room is directly across from mine, it is less than 3 feet away. So, I didn't give up on him, rather I believed in him. I believed he could do it and he did. It is harder for the mom than the baby, you can ask any clinical psychologist, pediatrician and sleep doctor specializing in babies. They are crying, which is what they do when they first come into our world. Their brains are not trained to tell themselves that mommy doesn't care or mommy isn't coming, they just get tired and learn to do it on their own. Their brain learns that this is bedtime and this is what we do, close our eyes and go to sleep. Just like learning anything, your brain must be trained... ;)



It is great having your lil' one sleeping with you, it feels sooo right, I know, I get that, I did it, but it is not helping them be independent sleepers either.



I know mom's that wish their kid would sleep like mine... This post is a good example and there are several more on COM with the same question. ;) There is struggle for bedtime peace and I will say, from experience it does not get easier. You will need to put your foot down at some point and the older they get the harder it is on them, never mind you...

Krista - posted on 02/06/2012

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Personally, I'm not a fan of CIO, as I think it just betrays the trust that your baby has in you. That being said, I sympathize with your plight.



I think you might be trying to change too much at once, which is why he's freaking out.



He's grown used to your touch in order to fall asleep, so you might need to go slow and gentle with him to get him away from that.



After you read him his stories and give him his kiss, why not try just gently rubbing his back and humming/singing to him until he conks out? It'll probably take awhile, as it IS still a major change from sleeping in your arms. But he'll get used to it more quickly than you think. Then you can transition to alternating between rubbing his back and just keeping your hand near him, and then transition to just keeping your hand nearby, and then you just being nearby, and eventually, he'll be able to fall asleep on his own.



It'll take a lot more time than just letting him wail and scream for an hour or two for a few nights, yes. But it's a lot less emotionally painful for you, and like I said earlier, he'll still know that mommy is there for him. A lot of times when kids "self-soothe" from CIO, it's because they've basically just given up on the idea of their mother coming for them, and that's really damn sad, if you ask me.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/06/2012

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CIO, it works awesome! I let my first child sleep with me and it was hell at age 3 to get her in her own bed. I wasn't gonna do it this time with my son. I read up on CIO and enforced it. He is 15.5 months old and he sleeps every single night for 11-12 hours straight.. It was a first hard 3 days when starting the CIO method but by day 4 he was sleeping all night, if he did wake, he got to cry it out. Now he has been sleeping all night for 10 months... It sounds mean to do but it does not hurt the baby, it teaches them how to soothe themselves to sleep and how to stay asleep... he is in bed by 8pm every single night and we can count on him going to sleep and staying there until 6-7am, it is wonderful! ;)

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