how to get people out of our lives?

Carla - posted on 04/06/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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i have a divorced couple with a 13 yr old son in my life they have a very rude a$$ son he is overweight (as is the mom) he hardly does anything around the house without griping about it an yet they give me parenting advice they are all constantly making me feel like a bad mom to my 3yr old daughter an she even helps me around the house without me asking! and currently my "friends" car broke down in nov. an mine in dec. although i got a car first an now they think i should run them around everywhere for free (another friend pays my gas long story) even if i dont have to go anywhere they expect me to go out an do whatever they need ive told them no but they call 5 or 6 times in a row when they need to go somewhere any advice would be helpful

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Stifler's - posted on 04/07/2011

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ignore their calls and texts and emails and pretend to be out when they turn up to your apartment. i do this all the time to my stalker who thinks we are friends but we're really not.

Stephanie - posted on 04/07/2011

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amber is right about what she says.

You are not responsible for them.
your options are (1) tell them straight up, you don't like being lectured how to be a mother and you're tired of running their errands OR (2) don't answer your phone and if you see them in the hallway and they ask you about things be polite and say "No, i'm sorry I can't" should they be rude enough to ask why or another time maybe, i would be somewhat clearer "they need to find other means of transportation"
Or just plain old tell them:
Times are tough, money is tight, and you don't have time driving them around. Say you don't want to be rude, but this is a very one-sided relationship, you can continue being respectful neighbors and you don't mind "BORROWING" them a cup of sugar, but you would like them to mind their business and you live your life.

However, i feel like you might be passed being "nice"
they are like annoying toddlers if they scream long and loud enough, mommy will give them what they want.
And if they ask you 10 times, "No" should become your best friend. Mute your phone, that way you can look who's calling but the ringing won't annoy you.
if they come to the door, ask them if they are not ashamed to ask you the same thing over and over, even though you've told them numerous times that you will not ... tell them to please do not ask you again".

Amber - posted on 04/06/2011

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Ohh...well ya, that changes things haha.
I'm a pretty blunt person. I would probably just tell them that I'm tired of feeling disrespected, put down, and used. If they would like to change their attitude and behaviors, then things could be discussed again.

Tell them that you are the parent of your child and don't need their input. Explain that you see things that you don't like in their parenting, but that you don't feel the need to point those things out to them.
Also, set up guidelines for favors. Tell them that if they need a ride, they can ask. If it is convenient for you, then they will get a ride if they can contribute to gas.

Bottom line, you aren't responsible for these people and they need to understand that. It is good to help other people out, but when they cross the line and start to demand your help and take advantage of the situation you must look out for your own best interests too.

But...those are only things that you should do if you are going to be ok with having awkward run ins in the hallways should they not agree to your new rules. I personally don't mind awkward run ins with people that I've booted out of my life...it's not something that I do lightly, and it's much more their loss than mine. I don't know if you're going to be comfortable with that.

Carla - posted on 04/06/2011

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i forgot to mention we all live in the same apartment building an i run into them everyday

Amber - posted on 04/06/2011

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I would stop answering my phone. It honestly doesn't sound like much of a friendship. They are judgmental of you and use you....
It doesn't even sound like you are interested in maintaining the friendship. So, I say just let it go.

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