How to handle a bitter ex that won't allow me to speak to my kids when they visit him

Gail - posted on 12/29/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My ex-husband who I divorced over multiple affairs and verbal abuse as well as mental is play games with my kids. I have a 10 year old son and a 8 year old daughter. We have two older children that don't want to go see him and don't have to because one is over the age and the other is about to be. For a long time he wasn't even around to do the visitation but then he got married and suddenly came back around. He has filled my phone with hate texts and is very controlling and angry about my leaving and divorcing him even though I did everything I could to keep the family together for as long as I could. When he started keeping the kids every other weekend I knew he wouldn't let me talk to them. I had asked before but he would just send back hate texts. But now they are gone for almost two weeks over the Christmas holiday. He has hit my son across the face before of which I reported to the school counselor and had my son talk to her. It was reported but nothing much happened about it. Today after about the fifth day I asked to talk to them. He told me off with cussing and sent a string of more hate texts. I sent a cell phone with my son that for the first day he was suing but then my ex texted me and wanted to know when I got him one. He took it from him. I'm very sad and I am thinking about going to the police because the visitation papers states he is supposed to let me talk to them at reasonable times. Once every four days is not being a bother. Has anyone else dealt with an abusive ex in this way and how did you handle it. I'm just so lost in know what the right thing is for my kids. :(


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Michelle - posted on 12/30/2013




Exactly what Jodi said. Unless it is written in your court orders nothing can be done.
Maybe even get it written that the other parent can talk to the children every 2-3 days at 6pm. That's how specific you have to be. I just did mediation with my ex and we put in that the other parent isn't to phone any later than 6:30pm but we don't have restrictions on days but we are amicable that way.

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2013




At the moment, because your court order simply states that it is ok for you to talk to them at reasonable times when they are with him, that leaves it open to interpretation. The police are not likely to intervene in that instance, and you can't very well file contempt because your version of what is reasonable is not the same as his.

I can totally understand you wanting to talk with them in that time, but the only way you may be able to actually have it enforced is if you amend your orders to state that the children may have phones when with their father without risk of him removing them from their possession, and the times at which he is expected to allow you to call them (be specific). Then there is no room for arguing the term "reasonable".

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