Ruby - posted on 03/18/2012 ( 26 moms have responded )
My hubby and I have been married 15 years. His parents divorced when he was 7, his father passed away a few years back and he was an awesome man. The problem is hubby's mother and sister. The day my hubby proposed to me she cried and begged him not to marry me. She did everything in her power to stop the wedding (there was no reason for her to do so other than she is very selfish and wants her three adult children to live with her). When our eldest daughter was born, she begged him to divorce me, move home and let her take care of our daughter while he was at work. Sister in law is just as bad; she dislikes me because her mommy does not. Needless to say, there has always been bad feelings between us. Even with their evilness, I have put up with them for my hubby and daughter AND to try to protect our neices / nephews.
My SIL lives with MIL and her children are terrors. Her oldest child (2yrs older than mine) has always had anger issues and is very violent. He beats up his siblings every day and his cousins every time they are together. (My younger two have not been hurt by him since we will not allow him around them unsupervised and my older daughter has not been around him much the past few years.) A few years back he started assaulting the adults in the family as well - MIL, SIL, me, BIL and broke BIL exes leg...
SIL's ex abuses her oldest two chidlren (younger children have different daddy's). She neglects them because of her drinking and pot smoking. BIL's ex abuses their two children (again, we call CPS on them when necessary).
Needless to say, anytime they needed anything for the kids we alwasy made sure the kids had what they needed. Looking back, I guess we were enablers but we truly thought we were doing the best. We tried to convince MIL and SIL that our nephews need anger management because it is not normal to physically assault others. They minimized our concerns.
We have 'disowned' the family a few years back due to the fact my MIL boyfriend sexually assaulted our daughter. She did break up with him however she and SIL deny that anything happened. We were very angry that they called us bad parents for seeking counseling for her and said we were hurting our daugher.
We then made the mistake of reconciling with the family without any changes made on their part. This past winter, my oldest nephew sexually assaulted our oldest daughter.
SIL at first admitted what her son did was wrong but he didn't know anybetter (he is an older teen). We knew they would do nothing about it so we called CPS and the police. This time our concerns were taken seriously by CPS since the victim was willing to speak.
SIL said we betrayed her and she disowned us. I really could not care less. MIL is throwing a hissy because we said unless she opens her mouth to the CPS worker or detective we are done for good with her as well. She says she cannot control her daughter and that she is an adult. We say since most of the violence occured in her house, she is responsible for allowing her daughter to neglect, mistreat and abuse her chidren and it was her responsiblity to protect her grandchidlren. She also says she wants to support all her children and grandchildren through this.
Now, i will say that my MIL is not violent herself and is very distraught at her daughters lifestyle BUT she has been assaulted to by her grandson. They have lived there almost 10 years with her. She says it is unfair of us to expect her to go to the law and rat out her family.
So, I guess my question is, are we right in holding our MIL accountable for allowing this behavior in her house? Are we right in stating that unless she cooperated with the investigation into our daughter being molested we are through with her since she knows it did occur?