How to handle an abusive teenagers?

Shannon - posted on 11/28/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




My son is 18 years old and until last year I allowed him to live with his grandparents on his fathers side for 3 years. He and I never really got a long because I wouldn't cater to his every need and give him things when they were not earned. Last year my son moved back in with me and as time progressed things just got worse and worse with the arguing. He showed little to no resspect for anything I had to say. He was failing out of HS and smoking pot everyday. FInally found a military based school run by the National Guard for him. He went there for 5 months and thankfully graduated. When he came home he decided he wasnt going to to to college so I said fine then you will work and pay rent. I charged him $200.00 a month. Well a few months later he came to me and asked if his girlfirend could move in. I thought about and said ok but they would need to pay $500.00 a month. Now in this time the arguing started up again and his jealousy for his sister has gotten worse. I would try to explain that he is now living as an adult and he can not compare himself to his sister any longer. Well, today things have just escalted to the point where I asked him to clean up the kitchen and he told me know to F off and flipped me off. Now this has become an everyday occurance with him. I finally had it and asked him what it is I did to him to make him hate me so much. He gets mad because i won't do things for him that I do for his sister. I try to explain that his sister doesn't disrespect me and when I ask for something it is done. I don't get flipped off and that if he can't help out why should I do favors for him. Again he is living as an adult with his girl friend in my house. Anyway after he refused to do the dishes today he then comes to me and tells me I need to drop him off at his grandfathers work. I said no I don't. You don't want to do what I ask I am not doing what you ask plain and simple. He then grabbed my keys and proceeded to go to my car telling me he was going to wait in the car. I again said I am not brining you anywhere..... I tollk the keys from him. He then got in my face and grabbed me by my wrist squeezing as tight as he could telling me I need to realize he is bigger and can over power me. Then told me I need to just DIE. I really don't understand how this kid has so much hatred for me. I gave birth to him. but he needs to learn there are consiquenses for his actions and he can't always get his way. I told him I wanted him out of the house today. I know he will not leave so what do I do from here to get him out of my home before this escalates any further.... I should explain while living with his grandparents they catered to his every need. Even when he didn't do what he was suppose to. Like go to school or do his home work they still gave him money and rewards and now he expects that from me.. Any suggestions on how to handle this greatly appricaited Thank you

Completely Helpless Mom


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Lacye - posted on 11/28/2012




Call the cops. Pack his and his girlfriend's crap and put it out in the front yard. Change the locks. There is no excuse for him to be treating you this way.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/28/2012




You need to kick this boy out of your home. He needs to go now. Do not be afraid to call the cops if he goes after you again. If you need protection from the police while he is moving out, do it. Get him out of your home, and change the locks when he leaves. That boy needs tough love....but he is an adult now, and can take adult responsibilities for himself.

Ariana - posted on 11/28/2012




If you want him out of your house wait until he leaves, put everything that's his in the yard and lock the door. Then either call the cops or have a couple big guys hanging out at your house for a bit. Either way he can't be threatening you, that's way to agressive.

If you can I would try to get him into some councelling, or family councelling. Even if you end up kicking him out he's still your son and I'm sure you want the best for him. I mean there must have been reasons why he lived with his grandparents and maybe he's upset about that? Feeling like you got rid of him or something? I'm not saying that's why he's like this or, even if that is why, that it's a excuse for his behavior. It's worth trying to get some councelling over to see if you can repair your relationship.

Plus sometimes things actually work out better when you aren't living with the person. It's hard enough living with a roommate but when you have an adult child who wasn't in the home as a teen it makes it really difficult. By living there it's very confusing to figure out the lines between teenager and adult. He'll want to be a child when it suits him or an adult when it suits him because you're in the mother/son dynamic (plus it sounds like he's immature).

I would kick him out but try to get him some councelling/family councelling.

If you don't kick him out a very clear outlined explanation of what it is to live in the house and what you're supposed to do should be made. An actual document-like thing that he can read and you can agree on. It would be very specific like must pay _____ amount, must contribute to these chores (be specific) must do own chores (laundry) and help with these chores (dishes etc etc). Because really, he is an adult, and you shouldn't be telling him 'do this, do that'. Unfortunately because he's being an irresponsible adult he needs an outline of what it is to be contributing adult of a household. So give him real jobs like going and getting groceries or very specific things that HE does. Don't flip people off when you're pissed would also go on that type of list... Whatever else you can think of that should be necessary for you to co-exist.

But at this point it's escalated and he needs to get thrown out, you should only try to make up a plan of this sort if there is some sort of mediator/councellor helping you since he probably will just ignore you or freak out at you for throwing him out.

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