Shawni - posted on 01/23/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )
Hi, Everyone! Okay, first off I think there needs to be a community on here for Moms of Adult Children because no one tells you this but they can be harder than teenagers (sorry to break the news to a lot of you) ;) Anyway, I am in need to some advise and maybe a little support.
My son is 20 and living with us again. He lived on his own for about a year and then moved back after working on a ranch for the summer in the mid-west. He is bright, a hard worker (if it is something he wants to do), and for the most part a fun kid. He is also very stubborn and entitled. He moved back in in October because he was going to save to go to college in January. We have a rule that if you are living here after high school and saving to go to college or on a service mission that you don't have to pay rent so we did not charge him anything. When January came around the government had drastically reduced what they have been giving out in student loans so what he was given didn't even cover his tuition. We were willing to help out, but he would have had to get a full time job and leave his truck at home just to make ends meet. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to do well on his grades and work full time until he gets used to school. I could see that because he hated high school and has to prove to himself that he can be disciplined. So he decided to get a leave of absence until fall, and work full time so he can save up the money.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM... he quit his job before finding out all of this stuff about school. He has been working odds and end jobs to make his bills, but isn't getting out there to get a full time job. My husband and I decided to charge him rent $250 + $56 for his phone and then we will gift $125 a month of it back to him if he goes to school in the fall. This is far below what it would cost him to find a place to rent, helps him to save, and offsets some of our bills for him. He is not happy. We just got into an argument and he said that he doesn't think he should have to pay rent because we are his parents. I explained all the reasoning to him and I just feel that he is trying to emotionally manipulate me. He spends tons of time hunting (although that is over now) and now he is talking about doing rodeo. I laid it out for him but was wondering what to do if he still just piddles about and doesn't get a job where he can pay the rent?? I am thinking this, and am wondering what others think: I think if he hasn't paid anything by the 1st that we will tell him that he has one month to get a job and start paying rent or he has to move out. I HATE that I feel guilty for this when I believe it is for his own good. Help!!