How to handle this situation?

Kimberly M. - posted on 03/07/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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About me: I'm 26, engaged (not to my child's father), full time senior in college and a mom.
Situation: My son a dad isn't consistent, he doesn't keep his word and all in the same token he expects me to be OK with things.
Last week when he came to pick up our child I explained to him how important communication is between us. (Your going to get him this weekend your not going to get him this weekend). He said ok I get it... so I left it at that.
Thus past week had come and was coming to an end so I texted him, call me when you get a chance. He calls, I asked are you getting your son this weekend? He says yeah I'm getting him tomorrow at 1 which would be Saturday at 1. I say OK. I get off the phone with him and proceed to make my plans for the weekend.
Saturday rolls around, son and I get up go to breakfast come home clean up and pack his bag. 1 pm comes and no dad. I text him at 3 are you still coming or not? No respons. So son and I go to the park and out to dinner and back home. I bathe him and get him on his PJ's. 8 pm his dad texts "is he still up?" I said yeah, he says he's on his way. He comes, I ask what happened to 1pm. He just laughs.
He returns our son the next day at 11am and had the damn nerve to ask for some money.
I have Monday and Wednesday night classes. He told me he wasn't working the next day which is Monday so he agreed to keep our child.
Monday comes, he inboxes me on fb and says he doesn't want to stay home so he went into work and wont be keeping his son but he will the next day which is tomorrow. (We shall see how that goes)
So I pay a child sitter/ friend to keep my son while I go to a 3 hour night class. while I'm in class my sons father texts me to bring him to his job (Wendy's) so he can get a free frosty and so his co workers can see him.
this is how that conversation went
BD: bring devin bye so he can get a frosty
(sounds like a demand to me and not a question)
Me: Seriously?
Me: I'm in class and after class I have to go pick him up and you think I would like to drive elsewhere other than home. No.
(I don't like driving at night unless I have to and he knows that)
BD: Yea wht ever
Me: Asking you to do anything is like pulling teeth but you expect me to be happy go lucky and willing to go out of my way because you ask. That's not fair and until I can see some mutual respect, don't ask me for anything.
BD: WTF ever

Honestly, your opinions.

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Raye - posted on 03/08/2016

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If you have an agreement (1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends) then stick to that. If the father doesn't show, then his loss. You don't have to try to make him take his visitation time. If he wants you to rearrange the schedule because he missed his time, you don't have to. The child should have a regular schedule. Once in a while, changes could be made for special circumstances. But in general, you should stick to the agreement. And, if the agreement isn't by court order, then you should get it that way so you have legal standing if the father does something retaliatory.

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2016

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Do you have court orders?
If not get them NOW!
That way you each know where your son is. It's also better for your son to have some structure and set days.
If your ex then goes against court orders you can have him in contempt and he will probably get less visitation.
Make sure you also get child support sorted out as well.

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Kimberly M. - posted on 03/08/2016

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We have court ordered child support but with that when I was speaking to the representative who helped with my case she actually emphasized that the order of visitation is not set in stone. My ex is supposed to get our son every 1st 3rd and 5th weekend of every month but he doesn't abide by that. I want him to spend time with his son but I don't want to force him to come get his son and he resents or neglects my child.
All of this is too much
Thanjs for your response BTW.

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