How to help a teen to have balance in relationship?

Sadia - posted on 08/29/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have a nineteen years old son, started to date with an eighteen years old girl. He is always out with the girl, he will come home 6 AM in the morning and again out in 11 AM.
I am not sure what to do? how to stop him. He went to an Ivy League school, but I am really worried about his future.

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Gail - posted on 08/31/2016

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At this point your son is an adult. You can certainly have guidelines and requirements for you to continue supplying him with tuition and expense money. If they are not followed the financing should stop. You can voice your concern about his schedule but let him know all of this is his responsibility and decision of what he wants his life to be. Yes, he may need to learn some decisions the hard way but most of us do. If the next generation could learn from our past experiences our society would be a lot further down the road than we are today but of course that does not happen. All the best with you and your son.

Dove - posted on 08/29/2016

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I agree w/ Jodi.

At 19 you don't get to dictate terms of his relationship w/ this girl, but you do dictate terms (like rent, having a job, coming home at a reasonable hour or calling if staying out all night, etc...) for having him live at home still.

Jodi - posted on 08/29/2016

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Is he paying rent? Board? Hi bills? At some point, he needs to work. Also, if he is living at home (which it sounds like he is) you have a right to have an agreement with him about what that looks like. Set up a contract for him living under your roof, discuss his responsibilities as an adult (and include those in the agreement), and that is really all you can do. If he can't stick to the agreement, then it is time for him to make his own way in life.

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Dove - posted on 08/29/2016

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If you want to still pay his expenses that is totally up to you and fine... as long as he is staying in college, maintaining whatever GPA you feel is reasonable, and abiding by whatever household rules you have. He's getting a 'free ride' from you right now and as an adult he should be very appreciative of that fact. If he decides NOT to fulfill his end of the agreement... it's his own choice what he does or does not make of his life. Good luck!

Sadia - posted on 08/29/2016

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Dear Dove and Jodi,
Thanks for your response. No he is not working. He goes to an out of state college. I am paying his tuition, all other expenses. I am worried if I cut his tuition and expenses then he might end up on the street.

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