How to help my 4yo son not be a pushover!

Nina - posted on 07/05/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




My son is a lovely kid. He is not always well behaved, meaning that he has his own tantrums, but for the most part I am quite satisfied with him.
He is quite talkative as well and he really enjoys playing with friends. I have recently noticed however that he does not stand up for himself and is not assertive at all. In a recent birthday party, I noticed that two of his friends from kindergarten just ordered him to get out of a toy car he was playing with and he simply obeyed. The same has happened a few days ago, when a child from the playground he goes to, simply asked him to give him his toys and my son, once again, immediately obeyed. When he wanted them back however, he wanted me to ask for them and I told him to go ask himself. He did not have the courage after all the encouragement on my part to do so and it really upset me. I have also noticed that he is the one to follow all his friends running and never the one to lead a game or just play for the fun of it. It seems to me like he needs reassurance from his friends all the time and he is simply too nice, sometimes too much for my liking. I really want him to be able to stand up for himself and not be a pushover. Any tips are welcome!


Dove - posted on 07/05/2016




You have to teach him. A lot of it is likely his personality and I wouldn't expect it to change too much, but like w/ wanting his toys back... you could have had him go w/ you and talked to the child on his behalf... and then privately told him that the next time he does not have to give up his toys and if he DOES give them up then it will be up to him to ask for them back (though you could still walk w/ him over to the child). It's a learning process and children like this need someone to model for them what to do and be w/ them by their side while they are learning to do it themselves.


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Littlestarsmum - posted on 07/05/2016




Hi there. My son is a sweet kid too. He wouldn’t stand for himself and gave away anything if someone asked him. Though I helped him a couple of times, I had to teach him to be on his own instead of coming to me for help. It took some time for him to say ‘NO’ for certain things and I’m glad that he has learnt his way out. Hope everything goes well with your lil one. Hugs!

Sarah - posted on 07/05/2016




I agree. I was very much like your son. My mom used to call me the peacemaker. I would feel anxious when I had to ask for things, but I out grew it just fine.

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