How to humble your teens?

America3437 - posted on 05/16/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have a 15yr old who is need of a lesson in being humble. He refuses to help around the house,thinks as long as he has a D he is passing, won't even help his sister who is recovering from and faceing another surgery. He insists that the world revolves around him and thinks we should just hand over our car to him so he can get his license. I have NEVER catered to his every want and don't intend on starting. He desperetly needs a lesson in being humble,I'm just not sure how to go about doing that. I have stopped buying him anything but the basic necessities and refuse to help him in any way in hopes he will see what it's like for his sister when she asks for his help. I am lost here and could use some suggestions.


Jodi - posted on 05/16/2012




Have you stopped cooking for him and doing his laundry? That was my threat to my son when he refused to do chores and started taking on the view that the world revolved around him. It took once of the rest of the family sitting down to dinner with none there for him for him to realise that I was dead serious. He is 14, and he NEVER complains about his chores or if I ask him to do something. He has a full understanding that in this house, we all have to contribute. His access to the internet, phone, football training, etc, all depend on his input too, because without everyone helping, it doesn't get done because we are busy trying to make ends meet.


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Sarah - posted on 05/16/2012




Sorry Mardi, but I dont agree with you. This may be a stage that many teenage boys go through, but it is a parents job to teach them better. Whether he chose to live with his dad or not, presumably you still had some influence over his life. You cant pawn off responsibility for him not learning life lessons on the dad because he had him the last 3 years, you had him before then and he didnt learn it then either. I also dont understand the lack of obligation to have your child live with you. He is what, 17-18? It is not an obligation, which is something you are forced to do, but a responsibility you chose to have simply by having him, and as his mother to work past the difficulties and help him become an independant man. How you can not see that you have to, I dont understand. That is being a mother. I think the advice to pick your battles is poor. Respecting his family and participating in helping it to run smoothly is something that should not be picked or chosen. These should be non negotiable. With all due respect, it doesnt sound as if these tactics have worked well for you, so why pass this on as advice? Im sorry, I really dont mean to offend, and Im not usually so blunt, but your advice and quick background you gave really dont seem to mix well with me.

Mardi - posted on 05/16/2012




He - is being a typical 15yr old boy. Mine went to live at his dads at that age, just because WE didn't understand or appreciate him.

He is back now 3yrs later, and working his way back out by the end of the year (he was given 12months). While he got a lot of what he wanted while at his dads, he didn't get many of the life lessons he needed. So job, car and study are all now being juggled in a healthy manner and he is being taught to save and pay his bills etc. He still has some of the attitude, but whenever it comes out, we remind him, the year here is a favour, by no means something we have to do and it can be cancelled out at anytime (he was told this at the start).

You.....need to pick your fights, its usually a tough year or there abouts, with a few reality hits thrown in, but some balance, social, work and study will see it smooth over as he matures.

If you work out how to MAKE him be compassionate to his sister, let me know (I have that problem here, but only with one sister), I just ask for a mutual tolerance and I wont let the sister do favours for him when I know he wont return them in kind.
Sometimes its not a matter of working out how they will get along, but more how can they co-exist at different stages in their lives.

Sarah - posted on 05/16/2012




Why not, as a whole family, go down and volunteer for the less fortunate? A soup kitchen, homeless shelter, woman's shelter, etc. There are so many less fortunate than him, maybe having him physically see that, and talk to people in those situations might help him realize it.

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