How to keep from bashing my dad in front of siblings.

Enna - posted on 06/12/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My dad is a complete loser. My parents got divorced when I was 11 and I was happy about it. My brother was only 5, so he didn't remember how bad our life was. He always acted like my dad was a superhero. It drove me crazy, but even as a kid I knew I shouldn't say bad things about him in front of my brother. I guess I just followed my mom's example. My brother grew up thinking my dad was great, even after my mom called Children's Services on him for hitting my brother in the face with a belt buckle while he was visiting him. Eventually my brother learned, and now he doesn't talk to him.
In the meantime, my dad got remarried and they had three kids, who are now 19, 17, and 15. The older two are girls, and the youngest is a boy. I absolutely love these kids and their mom. My dad was never as bad to them as he was to me and my brother (thankfully). The girls pretty much know what a loser my dad is, but we haven't really talked about it. But my youngest brother doesn't get it at all. I haven't spoken to my dad in a couple of years (when he got divorced from my step mom). And my youngest brother is constantly bugging me because he doesn't understand why I don't want to talk to my dad. When he asked last time I told him that it was between me and our dad, and it really wasn't any of his business. I was hoping that would be enough to let him know that I wasn't going to talk about it. It wasn't. He still bugs me about it occasionally. He's visiting our house this week, so it's come up. I really don't want to get into a dad bashing session. There's a lot of things my dad did to me and my other brother and I really don't want him to hear about it. When he's older I'm sure we will be able to talk about it, but not while he's a kid. Any ideas on how I can get him off my back without being mean/rude or lie?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2013

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Tell him that there are things that happened in the past, and that you and your dad are still working around that. Then tell him that you'd like the past to remain past, for now.

If you're comfortable with this...tell him that you'll be happy to discuss it more with him when he's a little older, but for now you'd like to let it rest.

I know, I have 2 half sibs that I really want to tell how much of a loser our dad can be at times, but he's really trying with them, and (now) with me too, so I don't say anything. But once in awhile, my brother will ask...and I'll remind him that he wasn't around, so really doesn't have the "need to know" clearance required. (We're a military family, so "need to know" is a big phrase)

Denikka - posted on 06/12/2013

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Just tell him that you and your father have a bad relationship and you don't want to talk about it.
He's probably going to keep bugging you about it. There's not much way around that. He's 15 and probably very curious. Until he knows the whole story, he's not going to understand or be satisfied. It's this big family secret, and most people are intrigued by a good mystery, especially when they're the only ones who don't know.

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