Renee - posted on 10/25/2012 ( 30 moms have responded )
I won't go through all of the things that has happened to me in my life, but what I'm worried about is how my issues affect my relationship with my daughter. I'm not nice to my daugher, I get too angry all of the time, I'm not affectionate, she's scared of me.. I can go on with all the things I do wrong.
I started to revisit this problem after talking to my boyfriend about having children. He wants to have kids with me. I don't because I don't feel like a fit parent.. and I don't because I feel like I'm already screwing up one kid, I don't want to screw up another.
The reason I feel like this is because I have serious anger issues. It's normal for our kids to make us angry, but my reaction when my daughter makes me angry is indescribable. For certain situations where a normal person would just give a child a stern talking to, I'm furious, I explode, I lash out, I'm not in control of myself and I don't think. I can write about this after the fact, but when I'm in the moment, I don't think about why I'm angry, I don't think about taking a moment aside to breathe, to calm down. I just react first and then feel bad later.
I don't know how to stop this, so I'm asking for advice. I've tried talking to the sources of my problems, I've been told to go to therapy, to walk out of the room, to take a breather.. none of these things seem to work.
Hoping for some good suggestions that might help fix us..