How to overcome resentment toward chaos caused by boyfriends son?

Nicole - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

4

0

0

Some history, I have a 13 year old son, by boyfriend has a 6.5 year old and a 3 year old son. We have an 11month old daughter together. I am really struggling with his eldest child, he is very attention seeking and demands constant supervision. One of us, usually boyfriend because I am increasingly frustrated, has to spend 99 percent of the time he is with us correcting his behavior and resolving the conflicts he creates between the other siblings. I am growing resentful toward the 6 year old and feel guilty about it. His mother does not provide structure or discipline and he is an only child when at his moms. He does not know how to interact with other children and is constantly in trouble at school, before that he was asked to leave several daycares for his behavior, now at camp he cries bc he doesn’t want to go. He is still wetting his pants during the day and at night. I feel like my time and attention should be spent caring for my 11 month old but when he comes over the whole house is thrown into chaos and the other kids get put on the sideline while we are trying to help with his behavior. How do I deal with the inner conflict I feel for resenting him and therefore are less tolerant of his bad behavior and the growing frustration I am feeling toward my boyfriend bc I don’t want the oldest son to keep coming over and throwing our lives into utter chaos. Please help....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Krista - posted on 06/26/2012

12,562

16

845

Has your boyfriend considered taking him to be evaluated? If he's constantly chaotic and is still wetting himself during the day and at night, it might be that he has some sort of emotional/mental disorder. I would talk to the boyfriend and say that you just want for everybody to be happy, and that you think that the little guy might have some stuff going on that requires a bit of outside help. If there is a children's hospital anywhere near you, they would likely have a mental health department. This doesn't sound like just garden-variety bad behaviour to me -- the poor little boy has SOMETHING serious going on, and needs help and support.

2 Comments

View replies by

Nicole - posted on 06/26/2012

4

0

0

Thank you Krista, he took him to the pediatrician last week and got a referral to a urologist to make sure nothing was physically wrong and received a referral to a psychologist as well. He is working out both appointments. I have been kindly suggesting this for the last 3 years so the frustration level I feel is so over the top :( Dad thinks mom is a huge problem. she cuddles with him and cries to him when she is having a fight with her boyfriend. She places much of her emotional burden on his shoulders and that is too much for any child. I am glad boyfriend is finally seeking the help but in the meantime how do i deal with the resentment I am feeling....when he is with us I cannot even spend time with my baby because he is so out of control and I usually end up in my bedroom with the baby and close the door so we can have some peace, thus blocking my 13 year old out as well which makes me sad and even more resentful. The only time the house is somewhat calm is when he has been so out of hand that dad has him sit in his bed to get himself back together and give everyone a break. I guess a bit part of me just needs to vent to release and then understand that this will take time and eventfully there will be a better situation. I worry because I think he will need some sort of medication but dad says he is opposed to it 100%. I just have to respect that and let it be, which is very hard for me as a type A personality lol.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms