how to punish in public

Angela - posted on 07/09/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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i do believe in spankng. however, with all the judgemental holier than thou types i hate doing it in public cause somone always seems to think they have the right to say something when its not thier buisness. i use spanking as a last resort with my hand on her bottom, and NEVER out of anger. she usually is really good cause she knows what happens if shes not. however when we are in public i don't like to deal with other peoples big mouths so i prefer not to. she knows this, and pushes lines to see how far she can get away with. i am not one of those "wait till we get home types" cause i feel they should be punished at the time of the incident or they will not understand fully. so, how to handle that? also, if you don't believe in spanking, please don't respond. i don't need lectures!

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Heather - posted on 07/09/2009

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Wjen my kids have acted up they usually get "the look" the first time if there is a second time then I ask them with the same look if they wish for me to take them back to the car. They say no and there has never been a third time so no trip to the car. BTW mine are 13, 10 and 7 months so the third we will have to see what happens

Marta - posted on 07/09/2009

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I would try to avoid going out close to meal or naptimes or head home about 1/2 and hour before meal or naptimes so that you can deal with the behaviour that results from being hungry and tired at home. If she's acting up then sit her down for a timeout and be no more than 5 feet away from her (you never know what might happen if you're too far from her). If she continues tell her that you're going to take her home because she is misbehaving--this usually works for my boys I just ask them if they would rather continue shopping or whatever the activity is or go home and they usually stop the bad behaviour at least for a little while. I also don't hesitate spanking in public if people say anything I just tell them that I don't judge them for keeping a soother in their 5 yr olds mouth or for the way they're dressed or the fact that they're in their 30's and not married because those are their choices and it's not my place just as it's not their place to judge me for my choice to spank. Most of the time I get compliments from older people for choosing to discipline my kids in a way that has been known for generations to work and for doing it in public! I also get compliments on how well my kids respond to the threat of packing it up or getting spanked and a lot of "I wish my kids were as well behaved as yours!" Then I say it's because I choose to spank when they don't respond to more gentle discipline. Don't feel bad for disciplining your child the way you see fit; it's your choice and if it works great!

Cheridah - posted on 07/09/2009

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Unfortunately you have to be willing to try different things based on the child. Some are not phased by spanking, while others can't handle seeing an upset caregiver. One really great suggestion was by Nathalie. Try rewarding the good times consistently and taper it as the good behavior become consistent. I am a believer in the "swat on the bum" spanking, even in public.I also say to the child they will not get what they want based on that behavior (obviously works better as they age). Removal is only good if they don't want to leave. Be aware of the child who acts up because they want to leave the area. I don't wait til home to spank, so I have to say what discipline will happen at home. Finish my business without a reward for the child, and then follow through with my discipline when we get back.

User - posted on 07/09/2009

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Sit her on the park bench and tell her not to move! you could consider that a "time out" The other thing that might work pick her up and leave and make she knows that she has done something wrong, go right to the car after it happens! Good luck!

ME - posted on 07/09/2009

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funny...I just had to deal with this. My 17 month old, who has never needed to be punished in public, was acting up at his tumble bee class...I immediately walked out of the class with him (because he wasn't sharing, and he was throwing a temper tantrum). I have seen other Moms allow their children to behave poorly in class, and it bothers me. I calmed him down in the hallway, and we went back in. When he began the same behavior again, we left. He cried and pointed back at the door to class, but I refused to go back in again. I don't want to spank my child, but I also don't intend to reward him for poor bahavior.

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Meghan - posted on 11/28/2010

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I'd take the child to the bathroom to avoid judgmental eyes. If not, my mother used to simply remove me from the store. If I was acting up in ANY way while shopping, we'd leave or at least go to the car so I got the message that that type of behavior was NOT allowed while in the store... hope this helps :)

Melissa - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Kate:

A couple things. You could simply say "we will leave and you will get a spanking in the car" so it IS immediate but not in front of others (or, the bathroom, a dressing room, or other semi-private place). You could administer some other form of punishment if needed. If my daughter stands up in the cart and won't sit down when told (especially if she does it again after being sat down), she will get a quick pinch on her upper thigh -- enough to annoy her but not enough to really hurt. Usually this is discreet enough that people don't notice, but she stops what she's doing.

Besides -- if you are calmly disciplining your child, what business is it of anyone else's? If you were screaming and threatening to smack them, or you randomly hit them on the arm or something -- THAT'S the kind of parent I look at and wonder about. The one who stops and calmly says "Okay, that's enough, you know you're not allowed to do that," and handles it doesn't bother me. I mean...you have to discipline your kids! Honestly I think it's worse NOT to...I hate it when kids are darting around stores and getting in my way and knocking things over and being general nuisances and no one is saying anything. I always try to make sure my daughter is staying close to me and is not acting like that!

Sorry for the small rant. But I'd much rather see a parent calmly disciplining a child -- however it's done -- than losing control or NOT disciplining at all.


i would rather calmly spank than have a freak out and start yelling and screaming....to me their is nothing worse than a parent who yells constintly 

Melissa - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Love :

Children are smarter then the credit we give them and they act up because we showed them that fear of what will happen if you get them in public. I dont have that problem myself with my children now but I have and have friends that have cried in public because they couldn’t do anything. When your home you have to practice what to do. If your child falls out walk away and ignore him or her remember it’s for attention walk away and act like your having the time of your life without them I bet they get up. If their screaming and being incompetent of what they know is right. Let’s go to the bathroom and talk. He/ she know what happens in the bathroom and I doubt they want to go back. Another thing is that I have this eye that I put on right before I lay in and it works for me all the time now even with my 2 year old. So put that ima tear you butt up if you don’t face on enough until they get use to it. And monitor what you feed them before you take them out because sweets do play a big factor. Good luck to you mother of 4 and 18 nieces and nephews. oh and if i count to five its over....


lol...my mom has the eye im 24 and i still get scared...we just knew not to mess around

[deleted account]

i've been here and come out of the otherside, my boys are 14, 10 and 7. you have to do exactly as you'd do at home. if its what you believe in, you should feel comfortable doing it, and never mind what anyone else thinks. if you treat your child differently in public or when you're in other peoples company, they'll cotton on to it and misbehave more in these situations because they know they won't get the full punishment.

Love - posted on 07/09/2009

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Children are smarter then the credit we give them and they act up because we showed them that fear of what will happen if you get them in public. I dont have that problem myself with my children now but I have and have friends that have cried in public because they couldn’t do anything. When your home you have to practice what to do. If your child falls out walk away and ignore him or her remember it’s for attention walk away and act like your having the time of your life without them I bet they get up. If their screaming and being incompetent of what they know is right. Let’s go to the bathroom and talk. He/ she know what happens in the bathroom and I doubt they want to go back. Another thing is that I have this eye that I put on right before I lay in and it works for me all the time now even with my 2 year old. So put that ima tear you butt up if you don’t face on enough until they get use to it. And monitor what you feed them before you take them out because sweets do play a big factor. Good luck to you mother of 4 and 18 nieces and nephews. oh and if i count to five its over....

Angela - posted on 07/09/2009

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omgosh no, i don't think going psycho on children is very productive. its just these days smacking them on the butt usually brings some know it all who feels it is thier responsibility to explain why i am such a failure for choosing this punishment. i feel horrible for kids who get the crazy yelling parents. i speak firmly, buy calmly. she gets 3 warnings, then her butt spanked with only the hand. and i NEVER allow anyone other than her father and i to punish her in this way. and never out of immediate anger. however i have been guilty of that once when she ripped out of my hand and tried to run into the street. but that was more out of fear. the funny thing is i only have to spank once or twice a month. just her knowing it is an option is enough.

Kate - posted on 07/09/2009

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A couple things. You could simply say "we will leave and you will get a spanking in the car" so it IS immediate but not in front of others (or, the bathroom, a dressing room, or other semi-private place). You could administer some other form of punishment if needed. If my daughter stands up in the cart and won't sit down when told (especially if she does it again after being sat down), she will get a quick pinch on her upper thigh -- enough to annoy her but not enough to really hurt. Usually this is discreet enough that people don't notice, but she stops what she's doing.

Besides -- if you are calmly disciplining your child, what business is it of anyone else's? If you were screaming and threatening to smack them, or you randomly hit them on the arm or something -- THAT'S the kind of parent I look at and wonder about. The one who stops and calmly says "Okay, that's enough, you know you're not allowed to do that," and handles it doesn't bother me. I mean...you have to discipline your kids! Honestly I think it's worse NOT to...I hate it when kids are darting around stores and getting in my way and knocking things over and being general nuisances and no one is saying anything. I always try to make sure my daughter is staying close to me and is not acting like that!

Sorry for the small rant. But I'd much rather see a parent calmly disciplining a child -- however it's done -- than losing control or NOT disciplining at all.

Angela - posted on 07/09/2009

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she is 4. for the most part she is good, but sometimes seeing other kids getting away with bad behavior makes her think of testing boundaries with us. i tell her consequences are good or bad depending on the action she chooses to take. i do explain it better to her cause i know she can't understand that soo much. unfortunately we do limit her candy intake so that dosen't work for us. also, i want her to behave without the rewards. i want her to be a good person for the sake of being good, not cause of treats we would give her. i know i'm a strict mom, because i had NO structure as a child myself. i want her to know her expectations and positive goals in life whatever they are, and to succeed in them. lately i have tried walking out, and that works. but that can't be our choice all the time cause we have to get things done too. i thank you all for your good advice. and for being able to have a good disscussion about this topic.

Lolene - posted on 07/09/2009

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sorry but that is NOT always the case. I have three girls under six. and my middle red headed lass gets disciplined quite frequently. my eldest daughter and my youngest daughter are both always on their best behaviour when shopping (ok %99 of the time :D) but my Kate is a strongwilled child and to say that "your child should be disciplined enough so that you can... shop with no problems" is ridiculous. Maybe I've misunderstood the weight of your words "shop with no problems" Otherwise these words could make a struggling parent feel like crap bc they don't get to "shop with no problems"

Melissa - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Mary:

funny...I just had to deal with this. My 17 month old, who has never needed to be punished in public, was acting up at his tumble bee class...I immediately walked out of the class with him (because he wasn't sharing, and he was throwing a temper tantrum). I have seen other Moms allow their children to behave poorly in class, and it bothers me. I calmed him down in the hallway, and we went back in. When he began the same behavior again, we left. He cried and pointed back at the door to class, but I refused to go back in again. I don't want to spank my child, but I also don't intend to reward him for poor bahavior.


exactly

Nathalie - posted on 07/09/2009

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I agree with Christal. You shouldn't have to stop doing anything because your child acts up. I am also a firm believer in the spanking as a last resort. However I have the same problem with my 3 year old. He knows at home he will get spanked if he won't listen after 3 times i have to tell him something. As soon as we go out in public he tries to act up. My pediatrician said that my husband and i need to be consistant with the punishments. He also mentioned that he will have a tantrum in the store and everyone will turn heads but to let him and not give in. Eventually he gets over it. Now I have been rewarding him when we do go out and he doesn't have a tantrum. So he knows if he's good from the get go he will get a little something. A lollypop or candy maybe even a cheap little toy. Have you tried that?

Christal - posted on 07/09/2009

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Not to sound rude but how do you ever get anything done if you give in and leave every place you go to? Your child should be disciplined enough so that you can go into the store and shop with no problems.

Christal - posted on 07/09/2009

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I understand completely. I get those looks all the time. Use timeout. If you make your child sit down and watch children having fun at the park then they realize that they would rather be playing then sitting. Also I use the corner. Your child may be too small to sit in the corner but mine are not so I use this. My kids get more upset when they have to sit then when you spank them. However on some occasions they need a good one.

Melissa - posted on 07/09/2009

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umm.....how old is she?.....im a firm believer in leaving when they act up...like when u see kids screaming in a store...i would just stop what i was doing and leave

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