How to set boundaries for 16 yr old girl?

Marg - posted on 06/27/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




I have a 16 yr. old girl and her biggest complaint about me is that I treat her like she is 6 because of the boundaries or rules I have set up. For example, she wants to stay up till 4am in the morning on facebook or cell. I feel she is too young to have a boyfriend, but other moms told me it's OK as long as I chaperone. I suggested this to her and she blew up and now she doesn't speak to me unless absolutely necessary. When she does talk to me she tells me how her friends parents do not treat them that way and I'm overprotective and she wants to make her own mistakes. What to do? Need help. The way I was brought up those methods do not work for kids today. Need sound advice, please


~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/27/2011




I think a family meeting is a great idea. It may be time to set newer boundries, like any boy she wants you need to meet. Staying up til 4 online is exessive, and I hope you have the comp in a family accessivle room. Not her bedroom. I think you have every right to be protective, bit sometimes you need to give some slack or you just continue to push them away. Hear her out and see what she has to say about being treated unfairly, and maybe she will have more of an open mind to your concerns. The idea is to have an open line of communication. But, compromise sounds like it is in order on both ends.

Karli - posted on 06/27/2011




It's time for a family meeting. You and your daughter and her Dad if he is in the picture and you set your limits and explain why and she sets her with reasons and find somewhere to meet in the middle where both of you agree. She is right about making her own mistakes but some of those mistakes cannot be fixed with an oops, sorry about that. Tell her she can stay up to 4 am but she can't sleep past 9am and go back and forth until you both agree.

Firebird - posted on 06/27/2011




I don't know anyone who wasn't allowed a boyfriend at 16, so I would let that one go. As for staying up until 4am for any reason? No way. You'd be surprised at how well teenagers can set acceptable boundaries for themselves if give the chance. You could try having a talk with her about what kind of boundaries would like, and the two of you might be able to reach a compromise that makes you both happy.


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Dawn - posted on 06/27/2011




Hi today's world, being 16 shouldn't entitle you to having a boyfriend "just because". With all the wonderful peer pressure ( you are already hearing it through her words of comparison of her friends and THEIR parents and how THEY let their kids do this and that) , on top of raging hormones, pick up lines by guys etc., you'll end up with a ton of drama, a broken hearted daughter and possibly a grandchild. I was raised the method of going out as a group with an adult attending. We were also raised with morals and values, and were pretty much understanding that if we messed up, we lost the PRIVILEGE of being out and about. There was no argument - period. This is what was offered and if it wasn't enough, then we ended up with less. You are the parent, she is the child. Sitting down and explaining the reason for rules and guidelines - it's for her own protection and well-being, on top of which, you as her parent are legally responsible for her behaviors and actions until she is 18 and legally acknowledged as an adult. I have 4 children 2 boys and 2 girls - my oldest boy is almost 15, oldest girl will be 12 in August, and I've heard the reasons why, and my response is, "I'M not THEIR mom, I am YOURS..and I care and love you enough to have these rules in place, even if you may feel anger and hatred for me because I have them, I know I won't have to worry about someone kidnapping you and me getting a visit from the police to come and identify a body, nor will I have to worry about becoming a grandmother before it's my time, and I won't worry about you being injured and noone knowing how it happened" There is nothing wrong with having a chaperoned event either. There's no need to have a "love" relationship at that age - but it's acceptable to have guys and gals go to a place and have adults supervise so there's no drinking, smoking or sexual or physical issues...If that is an unfair explanation, then my response would be "Then it's your choice to have a limited social life right now". Don't ever feel a moment's guilt because you care enough to keep track of your daughter's whereabouts and who she socializes with and what she is doing....when she is 30 - she will thank you - trust me :o) Keep up the Mom stance...don't lose your foothold - not even an inch!

Tah - posted on 06/27/2011




I don't think it's a bad thing to protect your children. 16 to me is too young I'd say. Of course at a month past 16 I was in labor after getting pregnant my first time, so maybe I'm biased.

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