Jennifer - posted on 04/24/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )
First, thanks for reading I know it is long.....
Okay I’m trying to figure out how to deal with a slight bullying (if slight is even possible) that I have found happening under my own roof. I have a 7 year old daughter our neighbor has a 10 year old daughter. They have know each other for years. I am to the point where I don’t want my daughter playing with the neighbor.
1. My daughter asks to do things (swim, go to friends house, snacks, etc.) because the neighbor child prompts her. (Keep in mind I have previously told them or her (my daughter) no because nobody is out to watch them, or you have already had a snack and dinner will be done soon, etc.) I have also called them out on this because I will see the neighbor child “whisper” in my childs ear and then here comes my child asking questions I have already given answers to previously.
2. My child complains that the neighbor kid is mean (which I tell her then to not play with her or stand up for herself and call her “friend” out on being mean simply because it is not always seen/heard by an adult) but yet as soon as the neighbor comes around she wants to play. (I explain to my child that a true friend does not make you feel bad about yourself but makes you feel good about yourself regardless on if you make a mistake.)
3. My daughter has made comments/asked me about her stomach being to “fat” which I explain to her that she is not fat (which she isn’t she is a bean pole with long legs) and God makes everyone different, etc. (I’m over weight but I do not discuss or obsess over my weight and she has made comments to me about how I need to get that medicine on the info-mercial about losing that “muffin top” and I finally had to tell her that stuff like that is bullying and it hurts my feelings and that is not okay nor will it be accepted.) I know that the child next door is over weight and has a stomach on her, but she is built like her father. I am wondering if the other child is complaining about her body shape/size around my daughter and making my child think less of her physically appearance.
4. Neighbor child has been caught lying at our house and attempts to get my child to lie as well. I can tell when my child is lying because she gets annoyed and starts raising her voice when you question her about the thing she is lying about, plus she gets mad.
5. My sister has heard the neighbor child say things like “what are you going to do about it?” directed towards my child and she (my sister) has said something to the child to correct the behavior/send her home when the child attempts to deny saying what my sister had just heard her say.
6. Yesterday was my last straw when my child some how “ran into the door frame” and surprisingly didn’t break her nose or make it bleed. When I asked her what happened she said that she was closing the back door (which is double doors but the second is never opened) and her nose hit the door frame (the part that is in between the two doors at the door handle) both me and my husband are having a hard time seeing how she had accomplished this when it looks like her nose was hit head on. Over the weekend she had informed me of how he neighbor girl had “pulled her ear” which I got upset about naturally. I told her again not to play with someone that is going to be mean to you and hurt you like that it’s not a true friend.
My overall question is what can I do to protect my child from a bully that lives next door? I find it terrible when you are on the verge of telling your child to just beat the crap out of the other child. I have informed the parents of incidents when there child says or does things to mine that I find is inappropriate and they do get onto her/ground her etc. but it seems to just keep happening and I’m done. How can I resolve this without my child feeling like she has no friends to play with at home and feeling exiled in the neighborhood? She has friends in the neighborhood but the girl next door is the one that she always wants to play with but by playing with her she doesn’t act the way that she should, and I don't think that allowing my child to be bullied just because she likes playing with the child is healthy or safe both mentally and physically.