How to strip my baby's fathers rights away once the baby's born? sorry if it's long, i hope somebody can help?

Evangelina - posted on 10/11/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Well i live in California, i'm barley 19, i got pregnant when i was 18 and my baby's father is gunna turn 18 this december....im just worried because i went to Welfare and told me about my baby's father should be paying child support, i dnt know about doing that because he's a drug addict and alcoholic, he has records that are miles long of him using drugs, drinking alcohol, selling drugs, gang activity that's been going on for like 5-6 years, and the most recent one is the warrant he's on right now that he wants to wait till his B-Day so it drops or goes away...i told him to go away when i was 4 months pregnant because he threatened to punch me when he was in my face because he was HIDING his drug use but i caught him.....family members and friends told me to go to court to strip his rights away if he's gnna keep harrassing me and doesn't wanna try to get clean or prove he has been clean and still is..and that he can't even try and deny my baby once he's born because court or child support will demand paternity....i'm not a bad person tho...i do want him to see his baby..but he has it in his head that he could do what he wants and hide things and still be able to see his baby when he wants..especialy since he moved out of town....but when i tell him no because of what he does...he gets mad..goes off on me like a phsyco..and than comes back crying and it's a cycle...and i cnt have any of that no more..he's never paid one thing through out my pregnancy that's for his son...my parents did and even friends that care more about the baby than him...i live with my parents..its a great home and safe and healthy for the baby especially since my family nd friends want to meet my baby and are excited..imma try and get a good job too and try with college once i get everything in a good pace...oh, but i also have text messages of him admitting all by himself why i told him to stay away when i was 4 months through an apoligey..but also saying he isnt gunna stop what he's doing and also him harrassing me....he doesnt know i do...i dnt want supervised visits with him and his son if he's on drugs because for 1 - He hides that he uses and 2 - he gets aggressive, angry, and violent real quick....number 2 has to happen for anybody to find out he's on his coke or meth..plus he's just a real big alcoholic to where it looks disturbing on him cuz hes barley gunna hit 18 nd isnt near hitting 21 yet..im not sure what will happen in court tho..his friends tell me he can lie about it because coke and meth doesnt stay long in a person's system for more than a couple of days..and can say i dont know what he does since he lives in another town now...all i have of proof is his records/police reports that i know will come up in court, current warrant, texts, and 1 witness thats known him since he was young up to now. im sorry if this is long, im just worried because now that i could have my son anyday now, i dont want none of that stuff he does around my baby...my baby dont deserve any of that...i wanted to know every single option the court my give me..cuz im not sure if he'll even want to go if child support/court is involved cuz his warrant..and plus the drug use has him paranoid and i get the feeling he's gunna try and hide like he is now with his warrant or just won't wanna fight the court and give me what im asking for...(him doing what he should to see his child...or him signing over his rights and child support..or just signing over his rights so i don't gtta deal with him harrassing me and appearing and dissappearing out of the picture whenever he feels like it, all i need is to focus on my son, i dnt have time for his kid games or mood swings since im the one thats gunna be raising my son and doing all the growing up, and taking responsibilty since he dsnt want to, so imma do it for my son cuz i really love him even tho i cnt see him and if i dnt try my best for him, i cnt rely on his dad or anyone else to for me)

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Sherri - posted on 10/11/2012

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You won't be able to force him to give his paternity away. The only thing you will be able to do is get sole custody and make him have supervised visitation.



Also most states will not allow him to give us parental rights unless there is someone stepping up to the plate to adopt her.

Dove - posted on 10/11/2012

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I know it's too late to ask why you got involved with this guy in the first place since you are already pregnant, but.... that's the thing. You can't have sex and make a baby with a guy that you know has all these issues and then decide that you want better for this baby. HE is the father, like it or not, by your choice.



Now.... with his record it 'may' be possible for him to not have any rights, but I don't know how likely that is to happen. Most courts do not like to strip rights away from a parent unless there is really no other choice. If you have enough proof they would most likely go with supervised visits.



If there is a warrant for him right now... why don't you report his location?



My only and best advice is to get a lawyer and find out what your options are at this point.

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Sherri - posted on 10/14/2012

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Kristin child support would only be owed starting the day paternity is established they can not get it from the day the baby is born. That is false.

Kristin - posted on 10/14/2012

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i have a friend that had a baby she was 20 she left the guy about 2 months after she got pregnat moved in with her aunt and when she had the baby she didnt put the guys name on the birth certificate that way he couldnt say anything or do anything without taking her back to court she gave her child her last name so if he wants to see baby he would have to get paternity test to even have rights at all then he would have to pay all back child support back till day she had baby as long as he stayed away he didnt have to pay and he couldnt see the baby

Tina - posted on 10/12/2012

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That really is so hard what you are going through. You need to get a lawyer right now and you need to out in a complaint about the harassment and maybe get a restraining rider against him immediately. The stress will not do you or your baby any good. At least then if he shows up, you can call the police. So put in that complaint today and also give the hospital instructions not to admit him if he tries to see you and the baby. He needs a sharp shock and it's up to you to be the grown up and be responsible for your baby. It's not your fault. He would have found some excuse. Make sure you come across as a reasonable person who is extremely worried about an extremely unstable person. Breastfeed for as long as you can too. It's free but also means he can't take the baby at all. Find someone who can teach you properly how to though. It does take time to get the hang of but it makes life much easier in the long run. Good luck.. and don't delay. Get as good a Lawyer as you can. Tell wellbeing of your child depends on it.

Evangelina - posted on 10/11/2012

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To Dove:

i wld've reported it, but he lives in the next town, but it's just really huge town and i dnt know his address, he moved there so it's easier for him to hide since the warrant out for him happened when he lived in the same town as me that is really tiny. and when we got togheter, he had stopped all that, even hanging around the guys that got him into all that, he was working too and had no problem paying for rent, food, clothes well it was easier for him to cuz he decided to work than try school later, he was actually doing really really good for several months, than i found out i was pregnant, condom ripped...but i dont know if the stress of that got him like that because the minute we found out i was at the Dr.'s he just started changing and acting differently slowly....and the minute he started hanging out with the same guys he looks up to soooooo much and got him into all that stuff in the start...that's when he just dipped back down into his old habits....i do feel crappy..cuz it makes me feel like me, my pregnancy, our baby actually screwed him back up again....i dont struggle right now tho..im barley making it by financially but i got my parents help until i get back up on my own again....i do what i'm supposed to do for my son..keep myself healthy and i even talk to my son..imma still do what i need to once hes born..i ddnt really want welfare..im not embarresed by it..i jst ddnt wanna feel like my parents were doing everything for me nd my baby..i wanna see how it turns out later once i can start working again to help make things easier....but the dad hasn't paid anything...he doesn't want to try or plans on trying to get help for his son..i know if any court was to ask him, he will give the judge a straight no, he wont even try and negogiate, if he doesnt like what he hears, it's gunna be a no no matter what....everything around me or the baby has been good tho..he's the only thing that doesnt wanna understand at all..

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